Thursday, August 18, 2011

Thursday Quote and Then Some

 
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of
throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

-Buddha

For many years I stayed angry with my three of my hubby's sisters who have treated me badly. They've done such hurtful things as send invites to weddings only addressed to hubby or call my home and leave a message in Spanish for hubby on MY answering machine...knowing that I couldn't understand.  It got to the point that just hearing one of their voices would make my blood boil.  And, oh, how that anger festered!    Hubby did  always respect my feelings, and knew they were doing me wrong, but we both knew that they were bullies, and he is a such sweet man, never wanting to 'make waves'.  And I knew that if I told him to  steer clear of them he would have, but knowing them that would have fed the flames.  They would have made themselves the martyrs and me the reprehensible bully who turned their brother against them.  So, I never tried to stop him from seeing them and learned how to let it be.  

It was difficult, to be sure, but, in time, I learned to ignore the phone messages which have pretty much stopped now,  even to laugh about them and how silly they were being.  The Serenity Prayer helped as well.  Have I forgiven?  Who knows, but I have learned to. It's been about 12 years since I last saw them, and hubby will visit only on certain occasions.  One thing I have realized is that a lot of my anger had to to with was the fact that I was TRYING so hard to make them like me, and nothing seemed to work. And, it seemed that the harder I tried, the more frustrated and angry I was becoming. 

Today, I try to instill in my clients that anger, resentment, and all of those other negative emotions  keeps one in the 'victim' mode and instills a feeling  of powerless, and when you carry this baggage along with you, you are giving those who hurt you the power to keep the pain alive.  In my case, the key to letting go of my anger was realizing that I WASN'T at fault, that I had done nothing but love their brother.  The fact is,  neither of them can find lasting relationships and love.  Men are in and out of their lives. They are, indeed, truly unhappy women who cannot bear to see someone else be happy.  Hence, they try to make everyone else miserable. 

So, if you bearing ill feelings towards someone, take your power back.  Let it go.  You'll feel so much better for doing so.

Resolve your emotion
and move on.

- Author Unknown -

10 comments:

  1. You are a voice of wisdom and reason. I can relate very much to your situation. "Take your power back"....what a great motto to live by. Thanks Mary!!!

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  2. Oh sweet Mary.....We HAVE TO BE TWINS........I have the same issue with my sister-in-law . Finally had enough and got angry (not proud of that.....but did apologize).....now she thinks I am the bad guy. Didn't handle this very well....but she is no longer in my life to torment me. I have forgiven her but she refuses to do so to either me or her sweet brother.....as my sweet husband says....IT IS HER LOSS.

    I can't believe how often your posts reflect a part of my life. it is really kind of amazing.

    hugs to you,
    Jo

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  3. It's me again....BTW.....I've missed you coming by.....hopefully all is o.k. with you.....I don't have you e-mail address on my computer while we travel so I can't e-mail or I would.

    hugs,

    Jo

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  4. Exactly...
    take back your power.

    You know you have forgiven someone when they have harmless passage through your mind."
    Rev. Karyl Huntley

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  5. You know you have forgiven someone
    when they have harmless passage through your mind."


    Rev. Karyl Huntley

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  6. What's the secret????

    You all.... are a BIGGER PERSON than I am.

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  7. How true...I think I've done just that with some people, but other's that I have to be around a lot still get the better of me, even though I know better.

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  8. I've always felt that hanging on to a resentment against someone gave them power over you. Some are harder to let go of. Glad you were able to work thru your anger over your in-laws. X.

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  9. Totally needed to hear this right now. I googled 'angry forest' and came across this gorgeous photo of the waterfall that lead me here. Thank you! <3

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