Thursday, August 4, 2011

Be Not Afraid of Life

Be not afraid of life. Believe that
life is worth living and your
belief will help create the fact. 

--William James--

My goodness, today is Thursday.  Problem is, I thought yesterday was evidenced by my Thursday's Quote.  Why, I didn't even go to run my group because I thought I didn't have one.  They had to come and get me.  Not only did I think it was Thursday, but was also putting the 4th on everything I wrote.  I guess the heat is really starting to get to me. 

(The following is rather depressing, and I do apologize for laying it on you.  It's something I have to talk about.  I don't know any other way of dealing with it.)

Lately, I have been having a pretty rough time at work, and it is beginning to take its toll.  I really was hesitant sharing about this, but it appears that time is running short now.  It has to do with one of my clients, one of the sweetest men you would ever want to meet.  He is only 50 years old, and with recovery from alcohol use, has a full life ahead of him, but he just won't see it.  The man wants to die.  He's tried suicide three times and lived.  The last time he took enough pills to kill a horse, but he survived.  Now, it turns out his heart is in pretty bad shape, and all of his arteries are clogged.  The doctor wants to do a bypass, but he is refusing, saying this is a blessing in disguise for him, that now he won't have to take his own life.  He's not afraid of the surgery.  He says he was raised a Catholic, and he knows that suicide is wrong.  I tell him that this is like a slow form of suicide.  He doesn't see it that way. This is like a blessing to him. 

Week after week I meet with this man for our sessions and talk about all the reasons he has to live.  I speak of his siblings and the good changes that recovery brings, and he says he doesn't care.  I speak of his living a productive life, and his response to that is that he knows that as soon as he gets his first check he will  drink once again.  He says that knows himself.  I speak of his failed suicide attempts and how he should look at that as proof that he is here on this earth for a reason.  He tells me that he doesn't care. The reason has come and gone.  I tell him that no, we are not taken from this world until we accomplish what he came here for.  He says that he has accomplished nothing in his life.  I speak of life and the blessing that we have been given, and he tells me that life is nothing but 'hell'.  I tell him to think of those that he will leave behind, and he tells me that they will get over it.  'I want no one to remember Joe.' he says.  I've tried motivating him by offering him the responsibility for caring for the fish and the turtles.  When people feel needed, it gives them the motivation to live. He doesn't want the responsibility...because he doesn't plan to be here for long.  

I don't know what else I can do or say.  I've been giving him positive affirmations on a weekly basis for him to repeat on a daily basis.  I doubt very much that he has.  I know that there is a part of him that wants to live, or he wouldn't have agreed to the tests in the first place.  My fear is that by the time he realizes that, it will be too late.  We ended  yesterday's session with my telling him that although I may not agree with his decision, I have to respect his right to choose.  I may not believe in it, but that I will be there for him no matter what.  

But darn it.  I am so very, very angry.  I am in love with life; I cherish it. and it infuriates me that someone is ready to just toss it aside. I don't know anymore what I can do or say...if anything.  And it is taking its toll on me.  His negative energy is dragging me down, but I cannot give up on this man.  I refuse to give up on this man.  I know it's a long shot, but maybe someone knows something, I can say, or do, anything that I can use to motivate this man to want to live.    I do believe in miracles.

How easily we can forget how precious life is! So long as we can remember,
we've just been here, being alive. Unlike other things for which we have
a good comparison--black to white, day to night, good to bad--we are
so immersed in life that we can see it only in the context of itself.
We don't see life as compared to anything, to not-being, for example,
to never having been born. Life just is. But life itself is a gift. It's a
compliment just being born: to feel, breathe, think, play, dance, sing,
work, make love, for this particular lifetime. Today, let's give thanks for life.
For life itself. For simply being born!

--Daphne Rose Kingma--


  1. I have a cousin who, back in April, made it clear that he intends to take his own life, citing much of the same rationale as your client. Death for him is not frightening; it is just 'time,' he says, to stop. On the other hand, he is still alive, although not communicating with anyone except his wife, who had finally, after five years of trying to leave, did. I have written to him every day, usually with some sort of a positive quote, telling him I care about him, or a memory of our childhood, or our mothers.

    Granted, I am not there to counsel him and I don't see him (he's in another state)and frankly didn't know him all that well anyway. But as you did with your client, I told him I respect his decision even while I don't agree with it. He has read a lot of Neale Walsch and believes that the conflict of this life will be resolved after death, and that he can make amends and be happier there.

    Try to use the Serenity Prayer, Mary, and understand that you are not responsible for his choices, nor can you 'save' him if he doesn't want to be saved. Just offer him what you have been doing: someone who cares, someone who is there to talk to. And then save the only person you can -- yourself.

    Today I'm sending my cousin your poem. Maybe it will make a difference in his life today.

    I'm sending you all positive energies and light for YOU.

  2. Oh i hope somebody has some advise...i'm at a loss , but can emphasize . How hard it must be! I do hope he comes around .

  3. Wondering if you have ever tried reverse psychology on him.
    Next time he comes in for his regular feast of your positive energy,
    Explain to him that you have been listening to what he has to say
    and you finally feel totally fed up with life. His view on life is
    finally beginning to make sense to you. You are mad as heck
    and are not going to take it anymore.

    Just remember to spin negative vibrations the whole sitting.
    Let him console you for a change and see what it is like to
    be on the receiving end of negativity.

    Pay special attention to his demeanor and body language.
    You will be able to read his energy. You are very intuitive.

    You can explain before the sitting is over that it was an
    experiment to gauge his reaction to another human being
    giving up on life.

    Ask him to explain how it made him feel.
    Explain to him, that is how he makes those
    who love him feel.

    Some people need an entirely different
    approach. Just a suggestion

    On Fragile Wings

  4. Your quest is a good one, Dear One. Of course it is.

    And if you happen to find the *right words,* to convince him, that will be wonderful too.

    But please...... Step back...... Being so involved in this man's issues, is taking a toll on you.

    Is it ever wise, or life affirming, to hurt our own self, in trying to help another?

    Is it ever wise or life affirming, to kind of be stubborn, and refuse to just let another person do what the other person feels is right/good for him? Because your saying that you refuse to give up on him, sounds like a wee bit of stubborn-ness. Maybe... :-)

    You love life. But you can't feel a duty to make everyone else ... love life.... especially at particular times in their life. Can you?

    Hope my words, are not unkind........

  5. And since you walk the streets of The City, I hope you'll come over to my Thurs. post, and ...... take a look at my link....... And give your views.... :-)

    For a change of pace, for sure.

  6. Wow - Blessings to you, hon!

    While I can't offer you any suggestions on your client, I can give some advice from a different perspective. I work with the elderly, or did before I moved. Over the years I went from wanting to save every one of them for any reason, to finally realizing that sometimes they are just done. They have no more to give. They are in pain for one reason or another. Every day is a struggle from getting up in the morning to going to bed at night.

    Not the same scenario surely, yet does it sound a bit familiar, maybe?

    I hope this helps some. And please do yourself a favor. Learn to block out that negative energy. Throw up those shields so stuff like this doesn't drain the life out of you. You can't take care of others when you aren't taking care of yourself, right?

    ((( big hugs )))