Respect...Sorry, Sort of A Rant

I'm not concerned with your liking
or disliking me.  All I ask is that you
respect me as a human being.

-Jackie Robinson-

When I walked down the subway stairs yesterday after a long, hard day at work,  an older gentleman held the door open for me.  As is my habit, I picked up my steps and  looked at him and smiled, "Thank you."  Then I did my usual roundabout to see if someone was coming, and happened upon a gentleman maybe 15 feet from the door.  I don't know exactly how far enough away from the door he was, but I did know that, had I let the door shut, it would not have slammed in his face.  The man saw me holding the door and knew I wasn't going to slam it in his face, but didn't bother pick up his pace until he reached the door; then, he picked up his step and squeezed on through, not bothering to take the door from me,  leaving me standing there holding the door like I was 'his' personal door person.  Not even a 'thank you' from him.  Of course, he had to hear my rather sarcastic, "Thank you and you're welcome."  You don't know how much that kind of stuff irks the heck out of me.

Respect and manners...where have they gone?  Is there any one of us who does not wish to have a little basic respect?  After all, when one respects others, shouldn't they receive the same?  Isn't it true that when we are respected, we know that our role in society is appreciated? I was always under the impression that we desired, and even worked for respect.   "Respect your body." "Respect other cultures, religions, beliefs."  "Think of the next person." "Respect his/her feelings." "Respect your elders."  Heck we use the word respect so often, but  do we even know what respect is anymore?  I know most of us do, but what of the younger generation.  Do they know?   Did anyone bother to take the time to teach them what respect really means?

I remember that back in my day,  we were taught manners, in school,  and, when I had my children I made sure I passed those manners on down to them. And it didn't stop there. I not only taught them; I also expected them to use what they had learned .  On the subway, when they were babes, they were on my lap, unless the seat next to me was available.   I see mothers today  allow a toddler to lie down on the seat and take up enough space for three tired adults to sit.  And, when my children were older, they were allowed to sit only if there were seats available for an adult...especially an older adult.  My children were taught to use the words, 'please, thank you, you're welcome', as well as to hold doors for others.  My boys are not perfect, and they do make plenty of mistakes, but manners are one thing I drilled into their heads.

I find it so sad that respect and manners seem to be such a lost art these days. Treating others with decency and respect should be something that happens naturally. Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself.  But that doesn't happen often in today's fast paced society as  we hurriedly rush through every aspect of our lives, forgetting the feelings of others along the way. Sometimes I don't think we mean to slam a door in someone's face; I think we just aren't paying that much attention to the next person as we think about something we have to do at our job or how we are going to pay our rent.  We forget that we are not alone in the world, that there are others around us.  

Now, with that being said, I would like to relate a little story of something that happened a few years back.  This went beyond manners and rudeness. It had been a long day on the job, and my back had been aching on and off to the point where the walk to the subway was torture.  The train itself was packed, no available seats, but as I moved into the train I heard a seated teen-age girl ask her friends what stop they were getting off at, and it turned out to the next stop. So, I inched my way down closer and waited.  The next stop when the girl got up, I sat down and breathed a sigh of relief.  It was then that I overheard the girl,  young enough to be my granddaughter smirk and say, " Look, at that lady.  She couldn't wait to grab my seat".   And then they laughed at me.  I tell you, the whole thing was pretty sick.   It really makes one wonder.  

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "Life be not so short but that there is always time for courtesy."  I have to believe that this girl and her friends actually didn't know any better.  It was obvious that respect is not even a part of their vocabulary.  And who is to blame?  Parents.  Schools.  Obviously, someone is not doing their job.  The basic tenet of manners is the ability to think of others before yourself. Such simple acts such as opening a door for  someone or helping a person across the road or offering to carry their shopping can make someone's day. 
 

But thankfully, all is not lost.  I'd like to close by sharing another little story with you.  This happened not too long ago, the day after the first  big snowstorm.  I had come up the escalator and discovered there was no place to go; the up escalator was all that was there, and there snow was piled sky high all around me. The only way out was to climb over the mountain of snow that blocked the crosswalk.  I panicked and looked in all directions, but there was literally nowhere to go.  I started to cry. "I can't do it."  I said aloud, not realizing that I had said it aloud.  It was then I heard, "Yes, you can, I will help you."  I turned, the young woman took my arm, and not only helped me over the mountain, but also across the slippery street.  And that was a gesture I will never, ever forget.  Young lady, wherever and whoever you are, you gave an old lady faith that all is not lost to the world, and for that, I thank you.

The principal thing children are taught by hearing these lullabies is respect. They are taught to respect certain things in life and certain people.  By giving respect, they hope to gain self-respect and through self-respect, they gain the respect of others.  Self-respect is one of the qualities my people stress and try to nurture, and one of the controls an Indian has as he grows up.  Once you lose your self-respect, you just go down.--Henry Old Coyote