Speaking Up

The other day when I posted my little 'rant' I was actually amazed at how on the onset my mind was blank, but as I began to write, the words began to flow.  Although my rant had nothing to do with anything major that was interfering with my life, too often we tend to 'hold it in.'  Then, we ruminate about it and how it makes us feel.  That brings on the anger, the resentment; we begin to feel inadequate and unsupported...unloved.  It's not a nice feeling. 

I know many of you have heard me complain about a Yahoo smoking cessation group that I belonged to.  Well, I backed off...didn't leave because I am hoping someone returns, but also didn't post.  Then suddenly, someone posted "Where's Mary?  She hasn't posted in awhile, and I hope she is all right."  And several people responded that they hadn't heard from me.  Well, for awhile there, I was feeling so good, and despite my promise not to post, I couldn't help myself. And ya know what?  No one...not a soul...responded.  I was devastated...and the more I held it in, the more I could feel it eating away at me...so I didn't post to the group, but sent emails to several of the people who I had become friendly with and explained how badly I was feeling and that I was going to be leaving the group.  Ya know what?  I felt so much better after I had put it out there.  Of course, I know I have put it out here, but putting out there to people involved and finally getting out of there, was such a load off my chest.

Gosh, there was a time I was great at holding things in...still do to some extent, but don't allow it to stagnate for endless days.  Perhaps I will hold it a day or two, but no more than that. You see, I am one of those people who expect others to know what I want, what I am thinking.  Just too darned independent, I guess.  When I want and need help, I hate to ask for it.  Same thing with birthdays.  I never forget a birthday, and I expect everyone to do the same for mine. But, everyone is not like me.  Hubby was one of nineteen children, so birthday's were really not so big to them...unlike myself, an only child. So, because when we first met I told him the date of my birthday, I expected him to remember it...and when he didn't greet me with a Happy Birthday, I was left in total devastation....and because I didn't think I should 'have' to remind him, I was left to ruminate....for an entire week..."He doesn't love me."  "I'm not important to him." "How could he do this to me?"

The fact was, he wasn't doing ANYTHING to me...because he honestly hadn't remembered my birthday.  So, because I hadn't wanted to remind him, I ended up suffering inside for an entire week before I finally blew my gasket and carried on about "how could you forget my birthday." He was so humbled, I actually felt bad for him.  The following year to avoid any hurt feelings, I scribbled on the calendar "Mommy's birthday."  That way hubby didn't know it was my little reminder; he thought my boys had done it....and I didn't feel that I HAD to remind him.

You see, if you do not air your issues and just keep burying them, you will generate dis-ease in your body...especially if this is your way of coping with the knocks of life and being in relationships. No relationship is ever completely smooth sailing; in fact, someone once told me that if a couple never has a disagreement, there is definitely something wrong with the relationship.  So, if you are  keeping it all bottled in, then eventually you will end up exploding because you just have to let the air out!  And when you let it go that far, you may completely loose it and afterward suffer the consequences...which very well could mean you lose out big time in your relationship...depending on how viciously you lash out. 

Do you really want to play a guessing game when it comes to being real and authentic? Even if you just need someone to listen to you, you will find them. Friends and family are the best source; even blogging is a way for you to clear the air.  Gosh, knows, I've really exposed myself on this blog...but really felt better once I had gotten it out of my system. 

So my message is simple, be sure that you air out your issues, if you sleep on it, it will fester and grow into an ugly monster that most likely cause you a lot grief later on; you , your body, and your loved one  doesn’t need that negative energy. So, it is time to begin thinking about the things you are NOT saying and pay attention to your emotions.

"When you assume responsibility for what you experience and share what you experience in a spirit of companionship, that is the same as forgiveness.  When you hold someone responsible for what you experience, you lose power."--Gary Zukov from "The Seat of the Soul"

A Wonderful Night

Nature is my medicine.--Sara Moss-Wolfe
It's finally beginning to hit me...autumn is actually on its way.  Yesterday was my late day at work, and as I was walking home from the subway, I noticed that darkness was already setting in.  I hadn't even noticed that before.  I know it's been in the works; it doesn't happen overnight, but I guess it was just so darned hot and humid, I closed my eyes to all the hints of fall.

It was such a wonderful night.  Because it was getting dark, everyone was all in their homes, and the neighborhood was quiet and peaceful...not the treacherous maze of toys, bicycles, baby carriages, and screeching children that I usually have to walk through.  Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE children and am rather impatiently waiting to become a grandmother, but I live in a neighborhood where the women have one child after another....so I would venture to guess that on my block alone there must be at least 75 children. Now, imagine them all out riding bikes or running up and down the sidewalk, baby carriages in front of almost every home, and you have the picture.

Why, I was even finally able to spend some time out in my backyard.  It's always hard for me to fall asleep on Thursday; it's partly due to the fact that I need time to unwind after work, but also, I think, a bit psychological.  You can actually psyche yourself up NOT to fall asleep.  It was simply magnificent out there.  The air was cool, and there was an ever so slight breeze.  The moon, not yet full, was shining brightly in the sky.


Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars... and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful.  Everything is simply happy.  Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance.  Look at the flowers - for no reason.  It is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are.  --Osho

Life should never be so busy that we don't take the time to appreciate and bless our beautiful planet...the land...the waters...and all that surrounds us.  We can do this in our daily lives by stopping to reflect on the color of the sky, by appreciating a bird that sits on our back fence or on the branch of a majestic old tree, by taking in the scent and beauty of a flower...or simply enjoying the breeze on your skin.  

According to the Huna teachings, in order for any of us to gain health, we must strive to create a state of pono or balance in our lives, and Nature can provide use us with many tools that will help us to heal. Thus, when we connect with nature, we can find healing in the earth, in the wind, the plants, the stars, the water....all of Her wonderful gifts.  Try the following little Huna exercise daily.

At sunrise, use this time to energize yourself and to set your intentions for the new day...and then, as the sun sets, take time to reflect and to let go by imagining that the setting sun takes away any negativity from the day or any aspect that needs forgiveness. 

Thursday Rants

Gosh, I'm at a loss today.  Imagine that. I've got a dozen things racing through my mind, but nothing really worth writing about. Guess I have Bloggers' block.  But since I am at a loss, it's a perfect day for a rant.  As a matter of fact, it's been quite awhile since I've a ranted, so I guess it is way overdue. Actually, there's a few things on my mind.
  
First on my list is technology.  I don't think I like the idea of a machine taking over what a person once did. Subway token clerks are being laid off all over the city, and the machine has taken their place.  Yeah, I know what you are thinking...just a short while ago I was complaining that these clerks make fabulous bucks for doing nothing.  Well, it wasn't always that way.  Time was when they had to earn their keep.  People didn't have the option of getting their subway fare from a machine; no they had to wait in line for the subway clerk...and he ACTUALLY had to handle money and hand you your fare.  I just don't trust those machines.  What if the last I have to my name is $20, and the darned machine eats it?  Who helps me to get it back?  There is no one around.

And while we are on the subject of token booth clerks, I cannot stand metrocards.  Give me the old token anyday.  Time was you were handed 10 coin-like tokens (from a real live token clerk) when you bought your weeks worth of subway fare.  Now it's a card you get (from a machine), and personally, I don't see where it is such an improvement.  Let's say you happen to lose that card, and take it from someone who has ridden the subway for almost 40 years, it's much easier to lose a card than it is to lose a handful of coins. Now, if you used a credit card in the machine, you can probably get your money back...after several months have gone by, but if not, and if you don't have the number code for the card, you might as well forget about it. You are not going to see that money again. 

And hey, how about books?  Will one day books be a thing of the past?  Used to be that everyone on the subway had a book or a newspaper to read on their trip to and from work.  Now they pull out these new-fangled gadgets to read.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I see nothing wrong with it for some people, but I happen to 'treasure' books.  Some people read just to read.  They finish their book and toss it away.  I highlight, jot notes in the margins, bend pages...and I NEVER or rarely part with a book.  Now, don't get me wrong. I've nothing against the gadgets....I just want the option to buy a book if I want one.  Just to show you, I was looking to order some books from Barnes & Noble and found one I really wanted.  You can imagine my disappointment when I found out it didn't come in book form. 

Next on my list is courtesy. Whatever happened to manners?  'Please', 'thank you'...antiquated words from a bygone era.  Rarely does anyone hold the door for you...and please don't get me started on the foul language.  My parents weren't often there for me, but what they didn't teach me, the teachers did.  And public transportation?  Heck, if one of us kids didn't volunteer our seat to an adult, the driver pulled to the side of the road, and we all got out of our seats. And you never saw parents pushing their children to grab the last seat on the bus.  No way, they were too busy teaching their kids respect. 

Once when I was in my 40's , I mentioned to a male friend what poor taste it was to see all the men sitting and not offer a woman a seat, and he replied, "Well, you ladies asked for this.  You wanted equality.  Blame this on women's lib."   Okay, I can understand that.  Equality is equality.  Right?  But how does that explain making an elderly person stand?  Or a pregnant woman for that matter?  Why does a 63 year old woman stand up to give up her seat to a disabled elderly man while the young healthy man seated next to her just watches and then goes back to fiddling with his phone.  Maybe it's just me, but I just don't understand it.

We should always treat others with  respect. It's really not hard to say please, thank you, and excuse me when necessary. Hold the door open if someone is right behind you. Heck, I even stand there and hold the door when people are about 10 feet away.  I figure it I close it, it will be slamming in their face by the time they get there...and some of those doors to go up to the subway are pretty darned heavy. Cut back on foul language, it's not that hard. Especially the kids.  In my day, we had our mouth washed out with soap if we used those words. These are all examples of simple manners. You don't have to go out of your way to do any of these things. It is just common courtesy. People get mad when others are rude to them, yet they can be just rude themselves. They just don't see it as such.

Sometimes the lack of manners makes me wonder if etiquette classes should be mandatory in schools. We didn't have a class on etiquette, but the school taught us manners back in the day. And gosh, it most certainly worked...because at 63, I still think I am pretty darned courteous...and it all stems from the learning I got when I was growing up. So, please, just remember to be courteous to those around you;  courtesy can be catchy.  

Wow, for someone with nothing to say, I sure had a lot to say.  Sorry about that.  Now it's your turn.  What irks you?

A Simple Hello

 "Scatter seeds of kindness everywhere you go;
Scatter bits of courtesy--------
watch them grow and grow.
Gather buds of friendship;
Keep them till full-blown;
You will find more happiness
than you have ever known.
-- Amy R Raabe--

 "Excuse me, could you help me, please?"  I asked, holding the wrinkled paper I had written the address on.  The woman walked right on by as if I was not even there.  "Sir, do you know where this street is?" He glanced quickly at the paper and shook his head 'no' as he continued on his way. It was all so quick that I know he hadn't really looked at the address.  By now I am starting getting anxious; I am running late for my appointment with the eye doctor.  I knew I should have left work earlier, but I thought I knew how to get there.  By now, tears are beginning to well in my eyes, and I am beginning to panic. I hate being late for anything...let alone an appointment I practically had to beg for.  It is about this time of year, every year, that my eyes develop and infection...why, I don't know, but it is so uncomfortable; I was desperate to get in, and the receptionist must have heard it in my voice, because she very kindly told me she would squeeze me in....'but make sure you are here on time."

It is so hot and humid. My hair is beginning to look as if I jumped out of the shower.  As red as my eyes were, they must be worse by now as the sweat rolls off my forehead and into my eyes.  By now I must have been some sight. Red-eyed, breathing heavily, losing all semblance of normalcy.  By now I was scaring the people away. I could just hear their thoughts, I wonder what she is on."  Time to calm down; time to get a grip.  So, I took a deep breath, forced a smile on my face, and said to the next gentlemen who I saw approaching, "Hello, I am trying to find this address, and I am hoping you can help me."  He smiled back, took the paper from my hands, and pointed me in the right direction.  Fortunately, I made my appointment in time, but it really made me think.  We're not very nice to each other sometimes.  I also had to think about how I was asking for these directions.  After all, it had been a dreadful day...unwittingly deleting a lot of my work which now has to be redone, and then I hopped on a subway filled with screaming kids from a summer camp. So what type of persona was I putting out there? It always takes two, you know.

Don't wait for people to be friendly, show them how.--Author Unknown

As a society, we have become so disconnected from wanting to engage with others.  Where has our kindness gone, our compassion? Are we forgetting how it is to relate to another? Each of us passes by many people during our daily journey through our lives. We are surrounded by people while we are shopping or when we are at work.  And when one must depend upon public transportation to get to and fro, one is surrounded by a myriad of different faces...and some of those faces we get to know because travel the same time with us, but their faces is all we get to know because, for the most part, we take no notice as we go about our day to day lives. They are just nameless faces, a blur in time.

Here in the city we are especially vulnerable; we seem to just weave in and out of each other's lives, barely making eye contact. The fact is, city people are just not used to it. I've lived in the country as well, and I can see the difference. Here in the city, we are always in such a hurry to get where we are going, that we have forgotten how to be friendly. We may glance at each other, but we don't really see.  Sometimes their gaze may even make us feel uncomfortable and without thinking, we get up and move to another car...when all they may have been wanting to offer was a friendly smile.

It is a simple Hello, and yet it can be the hardest word for some of us to say. Perhaps that is because we are afraid of each other. We've been taught since childhood, "Never talk to strangers."  But sadly, because of this, we miss out on so much for there are so many wonderful things can happen from a simple Hello. Who is to say that that person we showed kindness to may have been meant to be a special friend...or even a potential life partner.

So, when tomorrow rolls round, make it a to wave to a stranger and say hello to the person standing next to you. See where your positive energy takes you. See how good YOU begin to feel. And don't forget, it all begins with a simple smile


Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are.--Author Unknown

Nature, the Gentlest Mother

Let the rain kiss you.  Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops.  Let the rain sing you a lullaby. --Langston Hughes


I was preparing the dinner plates last night when I first heard it...that unmistakable rumble of thunder.  I stopped for a moment to listen. Could it be?  Yes, there it was. I heard it again;it wasn't my imagination.  I had actually heard the rumbling of thunder.  Now, you are probably saying, "Well, it is summer.  What does she expect?"  You're right.  Any other summer this would have been just like any other storm....but this was actually  the first thunder I had heard this entire summer.

It has been such a hot, dry summer.  I can only imagine how much worse it might have been if we had not had such a snowy winter and rainy spring. I'm sure we probably would have had drought conditions. I've missed the sound of the rain beating against my window, the sight of the sky lighting up in a show far more amazing than any of our man-made fireworks....I've missed those breathtaking views that ARE Mother Nature at her wildest. Now, the winds were beginning to pick up as I stopped what I was do to stand just inside of the back and watch, waiting for the rain to become a downpour, but, alas, it never did....never more than a trickle.  My cat, who after 19 years of storms, remains fearful of the thunder...and hightailed it under the bed where she will stay until it is over.  I feel bad for her, but there is not much I can do.  This is out of my hands.  This is Mother Nature's way.  Her power and energy amazes me.

A deep rumble now...and suddenly I am reminded that I am not truly safe from it for it could turn on me in a second...I am not afraid,  but this storm has brought back one of my more pleasant memories of my childhood. I remember it clearly.  I was playing on the living room floor with my paper dolls, and mom was puttering about the house...one of the very few evenings that she stayed home.  Suddenly, a storm blew up from seemingly nowhere; the winds were howling, the rain was coming down in torrents, and the sky was lighting up in quite a majestic show.  All was okay until I saw the bolt of lightning come into the window and strike our lamp.  Mom quickly snatched me up, and we raced out to the car; we drove around for what seemed like hours because mom said that 'the safest place to be is in a moving car.'  It has something to do with the rubber tires. 

That night was one of the few times that I can ever remember feeling really close to and comforted by my mother.  I will  treasure that memory forever...for on that one special night, during that one special storm, mom let her guard down and became a mother.

Yes, we were mother and daughter on that night...that night so long, long ago...Mothers love their children, and children love their mothers, but sometimes we just don't know how to show it. Sometimes we need that little push to show that we truly do care for each other. That was Mother Nature's special gift to me...a sense of comfort and a feeling of overwhelming joy for a lonely child who had never felt she was loved....a lifetime memory...a memory of love...from Mother Nature, the gentlest of all mothers.

Nature, the Gentlest Mother

                   Nature, the gentlest mother,

Impatient of no child,
The feeblest or the waywardest, --
Her admonition mild

In forest and the hill
By traveller is heard,
Restraining rampant squirrel
Or too impetuous bird.

How fair her conversation,
A summer afternoon, --
Her household, her assembly;
And when the sun goes down

Her voice among the aisles
Incites the timid prayer
Of the minutest cricket,
The most unworthy flower.

When all the children sleep
She turns as long away
As will suffice to light her lamps;
Then, bending from the sky

With infinite affection
And infiniter care,
Her golden finger on her lip,
Wills silence everywhere.

--Emily Dickenson --

What was one gift of Mother Nature that will follow you through your lifetime?

Footprints

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.” --Flavia Weedn

What a beautiful quote!  Tears always well in my eyes when  read it. At 63, so many people have entered my life, and so many have passed on through. Have you ever really stopped to think about all those people who have come and gone in your life?   And wondered why they had come and how they affected your life? Or how they may have changed the outcome of who you have become?  All of the people that we cross paths with, whether to remain our friends for years to come, or in one day and gone the next, each has type of effect on us in one way or another.

They can be people who we know for years--parents, husbands-- they can be someone we see only once who has made an impression on us such as a handicapped child who happens on our path when we are having a bad day.  Suddenly, our day doesn't seem so bad anymore.  Most people have a purpose for being in our lives while others are just like scenery in the background...sort of like the extras on a movie set. Some may come into our lives to specifically cause trouble or pain while others come to meet our physical and spiritual needs.  Some are here to teach us a lesson; others to teach us how to love.  

Sometimes we may want to hold onto people, we don't want to let them go, but they are meant to pass through our lives.  A little girl named Kathleen was my first friend; we grew up next door to each other, and from the age of five, we were always together...that is, until we reached our teenage years when her family moved away.  We tried for awhile to stay in contact with each other, but we were headed down two separate paths.  She taught me what true friendship really is, and when I sit here and think about it, she's the only true friend I ever really had. It's been about 50 years since we last spoke, but her footprints remain in my heart.


Elizabeth, my dear online friend, came into my life and left oh, so quickly, but before her passing, she awakened me to her wisdom, a wise woman who touched many hearts and left a lasting legacy.  Pets, too, can leave a mark on us.  My first dog, Susie, was hit by an oil truck.  I remember clearly coming home from school and finding out she was having surgery.  They had to cut off one of her back legs, but my goodness, how she survived.  I can close my eyes and see my little princess running about just as a normal dog.  Her lesson to me was that, no matter handicapped you may be, you can accomplish anything if you only set your mind to it.

Learn to appreciate others. If someone loves you, make sure to love them back. Take note of when someone does something nice for you. If your spouse or a co-worker does a task that's normally yours, stop and thank them sincerely. Cherish the moment, the time you have together for you have no idea how long it will be. And look for other opportunities to find the good in others for even those who cause us anguish, are here to teach us the lessons we need to learn. This will help you appreciate the people around you, who are also part of your life.

We laughed

until we had to cry.

We gave love,

right down to our last goodbye.

We were the best

we thought we'd ever be

Just you and me,

for just a moment... 

--Unknown--

The Miracles of Summer

"As for me, I know nothing else but miracles,  
Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan,
Or dart my sight over the roofs of houses toward the sky,
Or wade with naked feet along the beach just in the edge of the water,
Or stand under the trees in the woods,
Or talk by day with any one I love,
Or sleep in bed at night with any one I love,
Or watch honey bees busy around the hive of a summer forenoon...
Or the wonderfulness of the sundown,
Or of stars shining so quiet and bright,
Or the exquisite delicate thin curve of the new moon in spring...
What stranger miracles are there?"
  --Walt Whitman-- 

I happened across the above poem yesterday, and it certainly hit home. Here we are already halfway through August; summer is almost gone...and I've done nothing to enjoy it.  Granted, it hasn't been the easiest of summers to deal with.  I cannot recalling a summer that was this hot and humid.  It was dreadful enough just trying to make it back and forth to work...let alone spend any unnecessary time out there...and because of this, I've missed out on so much.

As I read this poem, I was reminded that I've not seen a honey bee this year, nor have I enjoyed the brilliant flashes of the lightning bugs. Even at night it has been too hot; there's been barely a breeze to sweep the hot, humid air away. Throughout the summer, I've been in such a hurry to escape the heat that I have not taken the time to look around at all the beautiful flowers, trees, grass, and the sky above...sitting outdoors and watching as the sun goes down, the locusts whispering in the trees, (yes, I have them here.), and the joyful chirping of the birds awakening me from my nightly sleep.  These are some of the things I have missed out on this summer...the miracles of life, of nature. 

Alas, it is still not too late.  There is still time to enjoy, to savor...time to give thanks for the gifts of nature.   The miracles of summer are all around. It's time to stop, look, and listen...life is far to short to allow even one season pass by without noticing it.

"To see the Summer Sky
Is Poetry, though never in a Book it lie  - 
True Poems flee" --Emily Dickenson--