Tuesday This and That

Usually this is a Monday post, but seeing that yesterday was Veteran's Day, I saved it for today.  Veteran's Day was a very solemn and quiet time for me as I honored my veteran ancestors in my own way.  Each year I light a candle and go online to 'Find a Grave' visiting each of my ancestors who fought to keep me free.  This year I placed little flags on their graves and spent time visiting with each one.

Every once in awhile something happens that makes me become aware of the role 'time' plays in my life, and that although it appears to be moving quickly now that I have entered my Cronehood, that doesn't mean that I should be moving quickly as well.    For example, I never go to the Center on a Friday.  Not only do they  always serve fish (Yuk) , but I also need at least  one day a week to run my  errands.  This past Friday was for food shopping, and even though l shop for about two to three weeks at a time,  I no longer cook it all in one day. 

So, getting back on track, here I am in the kitchen rinsing my cup, and I glance at the clock.  7:40 am.  It's getting late.  I have to get a move on.  Have to get this done.  Buy, why, I then ask  myself?  I am not working anymore, so it is not like I have to come home and cook it all up like I used to.  Today my time is mine. I am free to do whatever I  choose and when I choose.  But those nagging habits from my working days continue to haunt me.  I NEVER leave the house in the afternoon.  If I haven't gone in the morning, I don't go at all.  And that all stems from my work days when everything I did had to be at a set time.  

That is perhaps one of the reasons I gave up keeping 'to-do' lists. I allowed myself to become so overly depended on them that there was no room for unexpected occurrences.  I think the last time I kept a list, aside from a Christmas list or a shopping list, was a list of things to do for my son's birthday party.  I'd planned a huge shindig for him and was in the midst of cooking when one of the pipes under the kitchen sink burst, and I had to have the plumber come on an emergency basis.  The ziti was done and in the oven, the salad prepared, and the house pretty well in order.  Basically all that was left was putting together the cold cut platter and putting the icing on the cake.  But, I my list had been thrown off by the plumbing incident that I could no longer function.  It was then and there that I realized that, although they were good for some, lists were not for me.  Now if only I could rid myself of  this drive to rush, rush, rush, and get everything done. 'Superwoman' I am not...at least not anymore.  

This weekend when I was filling out the application to retire my OASAS credential, I became overly emotional.  Before I knew it, the tears were flowing freely.  It's not that I am unhappy with retirement, but filling out that form was visual proof that that part of my life was over.  I recalled  how proud I was the day I discovered I had passed my exam. I literally screamed in my office, and everyone came running thinking something had happened. I'd worked so hard for it--working until 5 pm, getting to class by 6 pm, heading home at 8pm, grabbing a quick bite, homework, then sleep to start all over again early the next day. Those were such trying times for me, but when you want something bad enough, you are willing to sacrifice for it. And now, here I am, almost 20 years later, taking that last step needed to close off that part of my life forever. In return, my credential will be stamped “Retired in Good Standing.”

Now I am no longer just seeing the spirits as they move through my home; I am now smelling them as well.  It's been a little over a week now, and it always happens in the evening.  I'm sitting in my chair reading or watching a favorite show on television when suddenly I am overwhelmed by a strong, sweet perfume smell.  I'd immediately ask hubby what he had sprayed, and his response was 'nothing'.  I've even gone to investigate myself (just in case he is putting me on) but no, there is no scent of it in the back of the house.  In fact, the scent only hovers near me in the living room.  

On the same note, on several occasions in recent times I have, to put it bluntly, been overwhelmed by the scent that someone had just 'passed gas'.  And, just as with the cologne, I searched the house to investigate.  Nope, it wasn't hubby.  Not Miss Minga either.  I do recall that grandma was always passing gas.  She couldn't help it.  Makes me wonder, but much as I would love making contact, it would be nice if she found another way to make her presence known.

I have been feeling that the walls between realms have been thinning for awhile now...and not just for Samhain.  It started for me some months ago when I stopped seeing  shadows out of the corner of my eye that disappeared when I looked and began seeing a full female apparition moving about. Hard to know at this point whether or not this is an ancestor trying to reach out or the spirit of someone who lived in this building who passed on.  No matter what or who it is, I am finding it very  exciting that my senses really appear to be awakening.

Can you feel it?  Can you see it happening? I'd love to know.