Checking In

Wow, it took me forever to get here.  So many changes in Blogger since I've been gone.  Didn't realize it's been over two months. I've not been suffering from a major depression, but have been moderately depressed.  According to my grief counselor who tested me at our first session, I have shown improvement. In fact, I have gone from a 15 score to an 8, whatever that means.  I do know that I haven't had much interest in many of the things I enjoy such as reading, jewelry making, and even posting on this blog.  But she never asks me about those things so I don't know how she comes up with her scores.  I know she does count my sleep problems, but that has gone on for years, long before my son passed, and lately a lot of my issues have been because of pain.  The arthritis has spread to my hips so finding comfortable sleeping positions is a problem.  I find that I don't look forward to our weekly sessions, and she is on vacation this week, so I am thrilled I don't have a session.  My friend feels I may be trying to avoid dealing with the dark feelings and emotions so I dread meeting with her each week.  Who knows?

It also doesn't help matters to have a computer that is constantly crashing.  I am in desperate need of a new one.

I do still attend my classes on Zoom that the center offers.  Have also completed the 10 week Aging Mastery course and am now waiting on my certificate.  I'm also attending weekly Zoom concerts.  Today it was songs from some of the greatest Broadway plays.  I've also enrolled in a 6 week Grief course--'Grieving Well in a World of Loss."  We are working with Elizabeth Kubler Ross's book about the 5 stages of grief.  Each week we have reading assignments, a Wednesday night Zoom meeting, activities, and journal writing.  There are 7 of us in the class, and I've met women from around the world. Several other new courses are coming up in August.

And I do have some things that I find some enjoyment in.  I've taken up adult coloring and have been coloring some fairies and owls for my great grands.  I also joined a monthly subscription club called Coloring and Classics, and for $19 a month they send me a coloring book, a puzzle book of some kind, a fantasy fiction novel (my choice of genre) and a lollipop.  That's how I got into coloring and now into crossword puzzles and I do find they are helping my spelling a lot.  Haven't started the novels yet because I'm not into reading.  No, that's not quite true.  I can't concentrate or get into what I am reading.  Three pages and I put the book down because it's boring....but it's really not.  It's me.   

One problem I've had was getting out.  I was staying in for days on end, even ordering my groceries online.  Then rent time came and I had to get out to the bank.  Hubby, of course. drove me and from there we started our Sunday drives.  Hubby encouraged me to get out for a walk every day as I've not only been putting on weight, but I'm also not able to walk a great distance without getting tired and out of breath.  Too much sitting around.  So now ever morning I go out early, before breakfast, and walk up and down the block.  The heat has been dreadful lately so I've not been getting much walking in.  I go to the corner and back.  I also rejoined WW, but that's something else that holds no interest for me.  

Each Sunday afternoon now  hubby and I take a ride out to the Verrazano, find an empty bench, and spend our afternoon looking out over the water.

 I find so much peace there. 

I have so much more to tell, but that will wait for another day.  Don't want to overwhelm everyone.  So glad to be back amongst friends.