Thursday, March 10, 2011

I Lost a Client Yesterday

Some people are so afraid to die
that they never begin to live.

--Henry Van Dyke--

 I lost a client yesterday.  He was happy-go-lucky 41 year old man who persevered and survived traumas so devastating that just listening to him share brought tears to your eyes.  He was a victim of childhood emotional and sexual abuse; in fact, the physical abuse was so bad that he suffered from traumatic brain injury, a result of having his head being banged against the wall and being beaten in the head with a pipe when he was growing up.  For awhile, he lived in a cardboard box.  Yet, through all of this, he always had a smile and a kind word for everyone. He loved people and enjoyed being with them.  He always carried a book bag full of candy which he gave out to everyone.  He never let life get him down.

I sat with him for what was to be our last session on Monday, and by Tuesday night he was gone.   From my understanding, he and a friend decided to go to Coney Island and swim in the icy waters just as the members of the Polar Bear club do.  The friend got sick, and said he he had changed his mind, that he wanted to go home, but my client refused to go.  Instead, he waited for his friend to leave and dived into the ocean, and didn't come out alive.  They found his body yesterday at 7 am, washed up on the shore miles and miles away.  Yesterday, his brother had to go and identify the body.  To me, it was such a silly thing to do, but who knows what another is really thinking.  Such a senseless loss!  

I am having a hard time dealing with this.  Life can just be so unfair.  Here is someone who spent his entire life suffering from the worst abuse imaginable, and just when he begins to turn his life around, he is taken from us.  Fate?  Destiny?  Do I believe?  I believe we were here before, and we will be here again.  And, as a reincarnationist, I also that we chose the circumstances of our lives before we are born.  They say that the day of your death is known by the inner self on the day of your birth,  and it is always you who makes the final decision to exit.  No one has ever died who was not ready to die, just as no one lives who did not choose to be born.  Life is sacred and should never be taken lightly.  But still, I cannot help but question...why????

Everything dies in one way or another. Each moment that passes means the one before has died. We have lived that moment to see the birth of a new time.  Spring replaces winter, summer comes from spring, then summer gives way to autumn, and autumn dies to winter.  Life is a continuous, never ending cycle. We will have life again, whether in heaven, the Summerland, through reincarnation, or even hell. Our lives will begin again.

"You live on earth only for a few short years
which you call an incarnation,
and then you leave your body as an outworn dress
and go for refreshment to your true home in the spirit."

~ White Eagle ~


  1. What a tragedy Mary. I often wonder how you can do your job and deal with the tragedy you see on a daily basis.

  2. Be happy for your client...he chose this time to was what he wanted...yes, you are left behind to wonder why, but as you say, we will never know what was going on in his head...maybe because he had begun to enjoy his life, he felt this was the time to go before it got bad again...who knows...

  3. I understand your grief over this - it's not just the death but the fact that he did not get a chance to have a happier time in his life. I often wonder why people live and die this way - it seems so unfair. I don't have the answer, but from what you said about him, he did seem to be happy even with his horrific past. Most people cannot do this, cannot even be happy when they have had charmed lives, so I think he was an extraordinary person. An example to others - he touched you and I am sure you're not the only one.

    I hope for him a much easier go of it next time around and that he gets back all the love and happiness he gave.

  4. This must always be one of the toughest parts of your job, I would think. Lots of food for thought.

  5. Oh how sad! Doing such a senseless thing...

    Doesn't it seem that all the beatings, had done more to him, than was evident, on the surface? -sigh-

    Gentle hugs...

  6. I offer you my condolences Mary...but as I sat and read your words I am reminded that perhaps in this man's life there were few moments of pure exhilaration. Perhaps the diving was about the exhilaration of living in the moment for him no matter the outcome. Perhaps as well, he knew it might be an exit point for him but the diving was worth the feeling he may feel for embracing life fully. No matter, I wish him Sweet Rest now, as even though I do not know him personally, his life touched mine just now through reading about him. That is a blessing, Mary.
    As always you touch me with your sharings.
    Love and Peace...

  7. Oh dear Mary....I'm so sorry this has happened to one of your friends and clients. Oftentimes it seems that the "good" ones are often taken the earliest. Don't know why that is certainly a question for me to ponder.



  8. I'm sorry Mary. May he rest in peace.


  9. I am so very sorry Mary!


  10. Hearing cases such as this makes one wonder about sad and unfair. He is now at peace Mary, let that console you. Thank you for leaving such kind words during my time of need. Love and light XO