Wednesday Ramble: Warning

People who think they know it all are especially annoying to those of us who do.

  Anonymous

Good morning, everyone.  Can't believe it is 'Hump Day' already. I tell you what, though. Yesterday should have been called 'Grump Day' to be sure.  Don't know if it was the humidity, the planets,  or the haziness of the sky.  Whatever it was,  grumpiness surrounded me yesterday, and I refused to let myself be drawn into it. It all began on the bus when people began arguing over seats. The bus had been late, and it was quite packed, but I had been standing for so long that I just wanted to get there so I could have a seat in a cool, air-conditioned place.  There were no seats available, but I knew it was only for a few stops so I didn't complain. 

But another senior wanted to sit and an 'almost senior' did not want to relinquish her seat.  Eventually the bus driver had to step in, and he made all of the non-seniors move to the rear so I ended up getting a seat after all. I have to say I was quite relieved.  

Then, I stopped in Pathmark for my prescriptions and a few items I needed. I stopped at the service desk at the wrong time.  Pathmark staff were huddled around, and they were all standing around placing their orders for breakfast.  Meanwhile, customers were becoming quite agitated...Not a good time for someone to try to cut the line, but they did.  Not too bright.  Whoa, boy, did they go off on him.  Thought it was going to get physical right then and there.  I walked off.  Forget the coupon.  Not worth it.

It wasn't much better at the Center.  There were two men seated a few tables down.  They had that 'I'm new, and I don't know what to do' look.  One of the wandered over to the table next to me, picked up a magazine and took  it back to his table to read.  Now, mind you, the magazine was open and a cup of coffee sat next to it, so it was obvious that someone had already been reading this magazine. So, why would you take it? Now the man who had been reading it walked in, discovered it missing, and spotted the man was reading it.  He angrily snatched it away and began yelling obscenities and continued his rant, despite the man's apologies, until someone had to come over and pull him away. Then, you know what he did?  He opened to the page he was reading and left the room.  He didn't even want the darn magazine, and besides, it belonged to the Center. Now, it it had been me, and I wasn't going to be reading it, I would have told the man who could read it for the time being, but not to take any of my things again. 

But, it still wasn't over for those poor men.  One of the volunteers came over and very angrily said, "That's my seat.  You have to move." He is not usually that way but he was downright nasty. The men quietly got up and moved to the next table. And sooner did they get comfortable at the next table another man came and waved them away from the seats with his cane. It amazes me how attached these seniors get to their seats.  I was one of them not too long ago, but since then have learned to let it go. The only time I do get annoyed, but I don't show it, is when my peer who takes the free dinner comes and brings her daughter who is NOT a client but always takes my seat.  Not nice.

I don't know where the two men went after that because Bingo had started, but one thing I am pretty much sure of, they won't be back tomorrow after the terrible welcome they had.

Do you have a 'know it all' in your life?  Don't they just bug you?  I find them especially hard to deal with, especialy  when they are nice and you genuinely like them as a person.  Gloria is such a person.  I really like her and enjoy having her as a friend,  but I wish she would stop pretending she knows it all.  (or perhaps she believes she does) Take yesterday, for example. At the lunch table we began chatting about food, and one of the women remarked that she loves the chili they make at the Center. She said she used to eat the canned chili until she read the back and found out how much sodium it had in it. I added that as much as I love pizza, I haven't had any in over a year due to the high sodium content in a slice and  Gloria comes out with, 'I always add garlic powder.  It makes it taste better and alleviates the sodium.' First time I heard that one.  Then she asks me, 'Did you know you can season with garlic instead of salt when you cook?'  What can one say to that? Just nod and act like she really taught me something.

But the best was when we were served our lunch the other day,  and she pointed out the vegetables, 'That's broccoli and carrots.'  Deep down I wanted to say, 'No kidding Dick Tracy' but chose instead to remain silent and keep my chuckle to myself. It's all just so silly.  Insecurity. That's what it is. I think she just can't help herself.  Maybe something happened in her life that makes her feel she has to prove herself.  Maybe she was always made to feel 'less than' and compensates now by acting like she is smarter than everyone else. Maybe she feels she has to be smart to fit in.  I don't know why she does it.  It's annoying, yes, but I am learning to deal with it. Way I see it I have two choices--let the friendship go or remain her friend, and I choose the latter.  I'm learning to accept the things I cannot change. 

Have a wonderful day.

Random Thoughts

Good morning, everyone. Another humid day ahead, but all in all, it is so much better than least year.  Yesterday was hot and humid, but there was a breeze that made it bearable.  Can't complain.  Before we know it, the cold will be setting in.  Don't mind the cold either.  It's the ice I don't like, and that's only because I am afraid of falling. 

My eldest came to dinner last night. It's been awhile.  He has been so busy with Blue Bloods and Elementary.  My youngest is always traveling for his job.  Sadly, I don't get to see him as often. 

For dinner I  made a meat sauce with sausages served with paccheri pasta.  Paccheri are large tubes traditionally from Naples. 'According to legend, the paccheri were invented as a way to smuggle at least four garlic cloves in each piece. Italian garlic farmers thought that the garlic in what once was Prussia and is now Austria was less flavorful than that grown in Italy. When the Prussian government banned trade in Italian garlic, the Italian garlic farmers hid garlic cloves inside paccheri when crossing the border.' 

My son's plate.  I feed him well when he visits.  Although he knows how to cook for himself, nothing is as good as mama's cooking.  

The latest news. A possible case of Ebola here in New York City?  I don't even want to think about it.  Test results should be in today. Praying that it is just some simple virus.

What am I reading right now?  Haven't been able to find something to really hold my interest for awhile.  That is, until I found 'The Light That Changes: The Moon in Astrology, Stories, and Time' by Rhea Wolf.  So far I am really enjoying it.  Here is the back cover description:

'As a symbolic language of the psyche, the ancient and modern practice of Astrology can help us uncover patterns in our lives. Filled with thoughtful analysis and practical magic, this thorough primer on the Moon sheds light on how to use Lunar Astrology to increase self-awareness and nourish the roots of the soul. Whether you are new to astrology or continuing in your professional practice, you will find fresh insights and tools for working with Lunar Energy. With candor and compassion, astrologer Rhea Wolf investigates the mythic meaning of the Moon in various stories and folktales. She provides guidance for aligning with the Moon's rhythmic journey from New to Full each month. And she offers inspiring exercises for personal exploration based on the themes of the Moon in the Natal Chart. Creating a more loving, just and peaceful planet happens as each one of us deepens our understanding of the authentic self. Learning about the Moon can help you find ways to nurture yourself, relate to others in healthy ways and activate your inner resources in order to flow with the changes of life.'

I was shocked to learn that the nurse returned to the job  yesterday.  They almost killed her there.  They worked her even harder than me, and she ended up having heart problems.  She is aware that it is still stressful there, even moreso now, yet she returns.  As an RN she could be making triple the money they pay her there.  Personally, I feel she has some esteem issues which hold her down. She doesn't think she is good enough.  She has posted hundreds of pictures of herself on Facebook and asks how she looks, and I remember when she would cook and bring food to work, she was always wanting everyone to praise her.  I was born in late March, she in early April.  Her feelings were hurt because my birthday cake had been bigger than hers.  She used to make me so made, but in the long run, I feel sorry for her. 

And with that, I'm off to the shower.  I like to shower early so I can spend at least an hour with Miss Minga before I go.  Have a good one.

Monday Morning This and That

Even thus last night, and two nights more I lay,
And could not win thee, Sleep, by any stealth:
So do not let me wear to-night away.
Without thee what is all the morning's wealth?
Come, blessed barrier between day and day,
Dear mother of fresh thoughts and joyous health!

William Wordsworth, "To Sleep"

Good morning.  Another week begins.  Didn't do much this weekend.  In fact, on Friday and Saturday, aside from some light housekeeping, I didn't do a thing.  Took it easy on myself.  I read, played a few games, did my nails, sorted through my costume jewelry and put a bag together to take to the thrift shop.  On Saturday I watched the entire season of "The Last Ship" on demand.  Didn't realize how good it was until I started watching.  Now I cannot wait until the next episode. Kind of scary, though.  It's something that really 'could' happen. 

Especially now with this Ebola.  They say that they have special equipment and will be checking for fevers in those who fly in from the affected countries, but a person can be infected and not show symptoms for up to 20 days. Hence, it is possible for a person who has the virus but is still feeling fine to fly to the US.  Okay, I'm going to stop it now.  See what happens to me when I start thinking about something I watch something on television?

Sunday was my first day out.  I got up early and went to Church, then stopped at the market and picked up a few items I needed. 

Harvest veggies from Lughnasadh dinner. We had this along with garlic mashed potatoes and Buttered Chicken (so easy and quick to make)

Saute chopped onions in melted butter.  (I use no salt butter.) Dunk chicken in milk then coat with flour.  Add to pan.  Season with black pepper, salt, and parsley.  When browned turn and saute the other side until golden brown.  Delicious. Once the veggies were chopped and washed, the entire  meal took me about 25 minutes.   

Did I ever do a stupid thing!  Last month when I made out two money orders at bill time--one for the rent and a $2 money order for my medicare prescription penalty. I just refuse to go out and get a money order for a dollar every month, and try as I might, they have still not started to take it directly from social security.  I even felt good about myself for paying everything almost a week early.  That is, until I opened up my bill for this month's rent and discovered that they never received my rent last month. 

My immediate thought was that it must  have been lost in the mail, and it takes a long time to get that money back.  I felt like a dunce, though, when I called the building owner, and he said he was shocked when he opened my envelope and found a money order for $2.  I had sent my landlord the HIP money order and sent HIP my rent money.  My first thought was 'why didn't someone call me?'  And why didn't they return the money order.  It was clear that it wasn't made out to them.  Anyone with any sense would return it.

That is, if someone had any sense.  Turns out that the morons at HIP THOUGHT that I was paying ahead so they credited it to my account.  PAYING AHEAD????  FOR 96 YEARS????  Because that is what it adds up to.  Are they serious?  How could anyone be so dumb?  And what bank would deposit it?  Needless to say, they will be refunding me my money on the 5th, and my landlord was very understanding about the matter. Aside from the one $30 late fee, he will not tack on another. I am so fortunate  it wasn't lost in the mails as refunds on money orders can take months.  

To be honest, it made me stop and think.  I'm no spring chicken any more, and burning the candle at both ends is catching up on me.  Not sleeping at night and unable to nap during the day because of (1) Miss Minga and (2) always having so much on my plate.  Time to slow down.  I've been forgetting things, losing things, and making mistakes...and this was a BIG mistake.  I'm tired. Fell asleep at Bingo a couple times and can't concentrate on reading a book.  Read a page or two, and my eyes grow heavy.  

Getting around and doing things are important, but equally important is getting the proper rest.  That's why I chose to stay in on Friday and Saturday and not be running about.  Still I didn't get much sleep, and my eyes may still be heavy, but at least my body was given some time to mend.

A flock of sheep that leisurely pass by,
One after one; the sound of rain, and bees
Murmuring; the fall of rivers, winds and seas,
Smooth fields, white sheets of water, and pure sky;
I have thought of all by turns, and yet do lie
Sleepless!

William Wordsworth

How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the night-light. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things. 

Dorothy Parker

Friday Roundup

 Now is the time of the First Harvest,
when the bounties of nature give of themselves
so that we may survive.
O God of the ripening fields, Lord of the Grain,
grant me the understanding of sacrifice as you
prepare to deliver yourself under the sickle of the
Goddess and journey to the lands of eternal summer.
O Goddess of the Dark Moon,
teach me the secrets of rebirth
as the Sun loses its strength and the nights grow cold.

Scott Cunningham

 Happy Lughnasadh/Lammas everyone!

Good morning everyone. Yippee!!!  Friday is here.  Going to be a quiet weekend for me.  Although I had wanted to go to the Center yesterday I chose instead to run my errands.  And now that I have everything I need, I plan not to leave until Monday.  I am very rundown at this point and this rest is necessary.

I cannot believe that August is already here.   It is the time of the first harvest.  On Wednesday I received $32 in coupons for the Farmer's Market.  Won't be going to the same place I went last  year.  Total ripoff.  I came home with just about nothing.  It's a sin when they rip off the poor that way. 

So, what do I have planned as far as a Lugnasadh/Lammas celebration goes?  Actually, not much.  It just came so quickly, I had no time to plan, but by evening I am sure I will find something to do to honor the harvest.  I've plenty of candles in the house and harvest foods.  Even if I just read from my book of days. 

As you can see, I am not too talkative.  I am just tired, so very tired.  I am not sleeping well at night, and during the day is out of the question.  Miss Minga will not have it.  A short nap in my chair will suffice...as long as she can curl up at my feet.  It's draining taking care of an aging cat, but I wouldn't trade this opportunity for anything in this world.  I'd do anything for my baby.  

Wishing you all a weekend filled with joy and laughter.  See  you on Monday.

Good Morning

The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn’t, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there. 

Monica Baldwin

The days here have been delightful.  The humidity is gone, and the temps are almost cool.  This has been a great summer. A couple uncomfortable days and then back to the pleasant weather.  Hopefully it will be the same in August.

Have to rush this morning.  Hubby has a very early doctor's appointment, and when he gets the bathroom, he can't seem to find his way out.  I'd rather take care of my shower before.  That way I can do so in peace. Talk to you all tomorrow. 

Being Yourself

Good morning all.  We've been having some lovely weather here.  Low humidity, cooler temperatures.  Unlike last year where we roasted for days on end.  I'd forgotten yesterday when I posted that I was scheduled to attend a nutrition class yesterday.  It was on healthy snacks.  I already know about healthy snacks, but this gives me something to do...and maybe I might learn something I didn't know.  I've always loved classes and was in my glory when my job would schedule me for one.  During the last few years, though, there were no outside courses, only those taught by our nurse or director and those left a lot to be desired.

Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans. We have learned to live our life trying to satisfy other people's demands. We have learned to live by other people's points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else.

Don Miguel Ruiz

Anna is a volunteer at the senior center.  She is also a client and a friend. Anna is only signed up to monitor the two stationary bikes in the gym area (actually the bikes ARE the gym) from 11 am to 12 pm on Mondays, but not everyone who signed on to help does so.  Most are not reliable, and to be honest, they know that Anna will always cover, even giving up her beloved Bingo game. (She loves Bingo more than anyone I know). 

Anna also signed on to help with the lunch.  It is her job to hand out the juice. Afterwards, someone else comes around with the bread, butter, and plastic utensils, another serves the coffee, tea and water, another serves the milk, and finally someone comes around with the lunch.  Most of the lunch volunteers eat a half hour earlier than the rest of us, but Anna chooses to hold off on hers so that she can eat with us. And, she should have plenty of time to do so. By the time lunch comes around, her job is long over.  Problem is, she never ends with her job.

Anna takes it upon herself to go from table to table asking if everything is all right, did they get their milk, do they need ketsup, etc.  Meanwhile, her food is getting cold, and she never does get to eat.  Anna is a 'people pleaser'.  Her entire life has been devoted to satisfying other people's demands while putting her own wants and needs on hold. She really could use some new clothes, but she buys Bingo cards every day for a number of people who don't contribute, gives her gifts away, and buys coffee and cookies for everyone at the table in the morning.  She offers me, but I always refuse.  I have my yogurt instead. 

Everyone abuses her.  Her children, her friends, her neighbors.  I listen to her when she speaks, and from what she says, she is at the beck and call of her neighbors as well, even to the point of giving away her food.  Anna is a Saint.  But, is she taking her giving nature to the extreme?  It is definitely better to give than receive, and I know how good I feel when I make someone happy, but where does one draw the line?

I was a people pleaser who set my own needs aside for many years. I did everything for everyone, even when it left me feeling unhappy. A neighbor's husband went into detox leaving her totally, and I cooked and carried her a plate every night. When his check came in, and he walked out of the detox without completing, the two of them treated me like I had done something wrong.  We never spoke again. And that was the way my life went. I loaned people money for lunch while going without myself and never did get it back. I gave and gave and gave until I had no more to give.  But when does giving from the heart become people pleasing.  I think it is when giving makes you feel crappy, and you sense, no, you know that you are being used.

I guess I thought that I had to give for people to like me. Part of my childhood insecurity which followed me throughout much of my adult life.  Always being the odd little girl left out, the one that no one wanted on their team. If only they would like me I would be happy. Not true. One of the things I have learned is that real happiness  depends on being glad for who you are and not for what you can do for or give to others.  Oh, there are times when I catch myself, but lifetime lessons are hard to change. The key to healing came from finding myself, learning how to like myself, learning to be alone with myself and be comfortable with myself.   It doesn't come from pleasing others.  It comes from pleasing the self.

Once you have found yourself

and accepted your aloneness,

then the greatest blessing is to share

the love that arises within you.

Each new moment presents

the richest opportunity to be loving.

And you can share love

in the simplest of ways.

Be soft and gentle.

Be caring and kind.

Be loving in an ordinary way,

without any sense

of wanting anything back,

Life offers you

the most precious gift.

The gift of allowing you

to be present and share love. 

Leonard Jacobson

Random Thoughts

 Shedding late-summer tears for the end of cherry season. Patiently and hopefully waiting for pumpkin pie season.  

Terri Guillemets

Good morning, everyone.  The humidity has broken, and it looks like we are in store for a lovely day. Yesterday was gross.  The humidity was high, and in the morning, as I waited for the bus, there was no place to find any shade. Wouldn't you just know that the bus had to be late as well.  I waited 25 minutes out there and was just about to go back home when I saw it down the block.  Seems as if they are always late when the weather is bad. 

Not much happening here.  Yesterday was the first time I went out since Friday.  I felt so bad this weekend that I didn't even get to Church.  Tummy problems.  That is one of the little nuisances that come along with fibro. I'm beginning to feel better.  Just have to watch what I eat.  Actually, I shouldn't wait until my tummy is on the fritz to watch what I eat.  Should be doing this every day.

The bagel, an unsweetened doughnut with rigor mortis.

Beatrice and Ira Freeman

When I came across the above quote it triggered a long forgotten memory. As you all know, I was born and raised in a small town, and when I moved to the city 40 years ago, I was really naive about a lot of things. There was so much I'd missed out on when growing up.  I can't believe that I didn't even know what a bagel was.

I am no longer addicted to pineapple.  The addiction has run its course.  My new addiction is cherries.  What am I to do when cherry season is over.  I will be shedding some summer tears for sure.

I'm learning to let things go that I have no control over. It only raises my blood pressure.  So, my peer takes dinner home when she doesn't need it.  Not my business.  She has to make peace with herself.  Or, my other peer who uses her age to ride the bus for free.  Not really my business.  If the bus drivers allow it, then so be it. It's not easy to ignore these things, but I cannot change them.  As long as I know that I am honest and don't abuse age or physical handicap.  I am learning to put the focus on myself.  I may stray once in awhile, so please forgive me if I do.

I've recently purchased and am reading "The Jewish Book of Days: A Companion for All Seasons" by Jill Hammer.  I am absolutely loving it.  

Book Description:

Throughout the ages, Jews have connected legends to particular days of the Hebrew calendar. Abraham’s birth, the death of Rachel, and the creation of light are all tales that are linked to a specific day and season. The Jewish Book of Days invites readers to experience the connection between sacred story and nature’s rhythms, through readings designed for each and every day of the year. These daily readings offer an opportunity to live in tune with the wisdom of the past while learning new truths about the times we live in today. Using the tree as its central metaphor, The Jewish Book of Days is divided into eight chapters of approximately forty-five days each. These sections represent the tree's stages of growth—seed, root, shoot, sap, bud, leaf, flower, and fruit—and also echo the natural cadences of each season. Each entry has three components: a biblical quote for the day; a midrash on the biblical quote or a Jewish tradition related to that day; and commentary relating the text to the cycles of the year. The author includes an introduction that analyzes the different months and seasons of the Hebrew calendar and explains the textual sources used throughout. Appendixes provide additional material for leap years, equinoxes, and solstices. A section on seasonal meditations offers a new way to approach the divine every day.

For as long as I remember I have been fascinated with the mystical side of Judaism.  There is so much to it that we don't understand. 

And with that, I am off to get ready.  Forgot I wanted to leave a bit early to stop at Pathmark.  I bought a couple of new foods for Miss Minga on Friday, and she absolutely adores them.  Have to pick up a few more.  Talk to you tomorrow.