On An Early Tuesday Morn

 The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours.  No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen.  And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot.  The possibility is always there.  

Monica Baldwin

Good morning. This getting up when it still looks like night is going to take some getting used to.   Not that I am complaining.  I have always loved rising in the dark and watching the sun come up.  It's just that it throws my timing off.  Like Sunday.  I was lying in bed thinking it was the middle of the night when I smelled coffee.  Only, in my foggy state, I did not realize that it was coffee.  At first I wondered why I was smelling 'toast' and then I wondered if there was a fire.  Then I glanced at the clock, and it was 6:25 am....but it was actually 5:25 am.  That's the part that takes getting used to, acclimating one's body rhythm to the hour change. 

Now that the pension is in order and the medicare issue straightened out (I am not going to pursue a fair hearing over one dollar) the HRA has to put their dibs in.  I applied in February and was approved for a phone interview.  The woman was supposed to call me on a certain date, but didn't.  Instead she called a day late.  Then, when I verified that she was speaking to the correct person, she hung up and did not call back.  I tried several times to get through and left numerous messages to no avail.  Yesterday I received a letter in the mail saying that my application was not approved because I did not provide the information I was asked to submit.  What information?  We never got past my name. Now I have to apply for a fair hearing.  

All this after I spent the entire afternoon working on my taxes only to find out I have to pay the state and city.  I worked half the year so a part of my social security turns out to be taxable.  The way the state and city has treated me?  I breaks my heart that I have to pay them any money. 

So, last  I got a message last night from Barbara's sister.  It seems that Barbara did go back to her husband as soon as he was released from jail.  Having worked with both victims and abusers I sort of expected it.  It happens all the time in these relationships.  All I can do is be there for her, listen, offer advise, and pray that nothing happens to her or her children.

Shortly thereafter I received a call from Barbara.   She had just found out that her mom was in the hospital. She has fluid around the heart which must be drained, and there is a mass on her kidney. They are awaiting tests to find out if the mass is cancerous.  She is not one of my favorite people and did something to to my boys that is beyond forgivable, but I cannot wish ill on anyone, and I will be there for her if she needs me.  I cannot see someone in pain and not help.

See, when my son's grandparents died, they left one half of the house to Barbara's mom and the other half to my ex.  It was known at the time that my ex was dying as well  so the stipulation in the will was that his half would then be divided between my sons.  During his last days, when he was heavily medicated, she went to a lawyer and drew up some paperwork and had him sign his share over to her for $10. He was delirious on pain medication at the time and didn't realize what he was doing.  My son got a lawyer, but because his dad did not leave a will, and she had that legal paper, they pretty much lost before they even started.

Cancer does run in that family, and it scares me.  My ex, his mom, and his dad all died of it within 6 months of each other.  And now possibly his sister.  I worry about my boys and encourage them to stay on top of things and to follow up with testing at least once a year. Early detection increases one's chances of survival. 

I'd like to close today with a little prayer for my sister-in-law.

May God/Goddess  heal her body and soul.

May her body cease to ache,

May her strength increase,

while her fears released,

And may blessings, love, and joy surround her

forever and ever.

Amen.

Monday Morning This and That

Hark! the hours are softly calling

Bidding Spring arise

To listen to the rain-drops falling

From the cloudy skies

To listen to Earth's weary voices

Louder every day

Bidding her no longer linger

On her charm'd way

But hasten to her task of beauty

Scarcely yet begun.

Adelaide Anne Procter

 

Oh what a wonderful weekend it was.  The weather was a fantastic.  The sun was shining brightly, and it was warm, so wonderfully warm. A real Spring weekend. On Saturday I headed out to Rite Aid for some potting soil and planters. It was such a pleasant morning that I stopped and sat in the park for a few just savoring every moment and doing my best to brush aside any thoughts of more snow on Wednesday....which is what they are predicting.  

I got everything I need to start my indoor herb garden.  This year I splurged and bought a good potting soil.  No more of that stuff I bought at the 99 cent store last year.  Just about everything, including my cactus, ended up dying. I also found a couple of free books about indoor herb gardening for my Kindle and downloaded them. Perhaps, with the right materials, I will have better luck this year.

Sunday I headed out for church and then took a slow walk home.  No waiting for buses in weather like that. Yes, it was a wee bit chilly yesterday, but it was clear, and  I was determined to take advantage of every moment.  

Recently I signed up for the The Daily Post which features a daily writing prompt.  Many days I get my inspiration from reading my personal book of quotes and other times I don't even need inspiration.  Sometimes so much has happened that I want to share that I find myself writing a book.  And then there are those other times that I sit and stare at the computer with a blank mind. These are the days that I need a little 'boost'. You will have to forgive me if I don't use the prompts in order.  The following is a prompt from February.

Daily Prompt: Let’s Dance...

In my earliest memories of dancing, I’m under my auntie Nancy’s dining room table, (which had been pushed off to the side of the room), watching my mom, dad, aunties, and uncles all dancing on the hardwood floor to a never-ending stack of 45 records, dropping one after the other. I remember foot-high stacks of 45s all around the record player. The song that I remember playing most? Twistin’ the Night Away by Sam Cooke. Every time I hear that song, I remember auntie’s spontaneous dance parties. What are your earliest and fondest memories of dance? 

Fact is, I don't dance.  It has nothing to do with my knee or back pain.  I just don't know how. I'd always thought dancing was something that one doesn't forget.  Well, I guess I am that one who deviates from the norm.  Always been a bit of a rebel.

So, why did I choose this prompt, you may ask?   Because not too long ago I watched a special which celebrated the Beatles arrival in America, and the songs brought so many memories to the surface.  When I was in high school, a gang of us used to hang out in a friend's basement.  We'd sit on the floor and play 'spin the bottle' while listening to this huge stack of 45's.  We each contributed so we must have had just about every record out there. Most of the guys there kept their fingers crossed that the bottle didn't stop on me, but Robert never seemed to mind.  He never shunned me like the others.  To Robert, I was just one of the crowd. He was never one of the popular ones either.

And so it was that rare night that mom allowed me to attend a high school dance, Robert and I became dance partners.  Magic happened that night when Robert and I teamed up and joined the dance contest.  We won.  We were actually the last ones left on the dance floor.  And when they called us up to the podium to accept our trophy, everyone in the cheered and clapped for us.  For one night I really felt like the queen of the prom.

It was just after that we moved, and I went to a new school.  I never saw Robert again. It had just been so miserable for me at that school that I didn't contact any of my classmates again, even those I had grown up with. For the heck of it, I looked Robert up over the weekend and was saddened to hear that he passed away in May, 2013. 

RIP dear Robert.  Thank you for being my friend.


 

Friday Roundup

Prayer is the soul's sincere desire,
Uttered or unexpressed;
The motion of a hidden fire
That trembles in the breast.
 

James Montgomery

'What is Prayer?'

A few of my archangels

Well, Friday has arrived, and the weather looks very promising for the weekend.  No storms and sight, and we should be going up close to 50 degrees. You know that I'll be getting out and about.  One thing I definitely plan on doing is grabbing the shopping cart and heading out for some potting soil and pots.  I've already purchased my herb seeds and am ready to try again.  Last year's planting was a flop, but the soil, seeds, and small pots were a packaged deal...and they were already two years old when I planted them.

Finally got my approval letter from the union.  My money had come through last Friday, but I needed that approval letter before I could apply for the other benefits which will greatly help us out.  Looks like a busy week coming up next week.  I'd already applied online for Food Stamps and was approved for a phone interview.  But, not only did the worker call me a day late, she hung up on me after I identified myself.  She never called back.  I tried calling the office back, but was constantly sent to a common voice mail.  Never heard from them by phone or letter, so it looks like I will be making a trip to the office this week.

Today is the annual Women's World Day of Prayer. On this day,  women from many traditions who come together on the first Friday of March to observe a common day of prayer. 

Its origins date back to the 19th century in the United States and Canada and  became worldwide in 1927. Each year a different country is chosen as the host, and the women of that country plan and author the materials.  This year the host country is Egypt and the theme is "Streams in the Desert". Water is a central theme of the future for Egypt, and the women of Egypt remind us how the 'streams' in the desert' supply the much needed nutrients for all forms of life to survive and flourish.

Well, that's about it for this week.  Things seem to be calming down...finally.  No word yet on hubby's retroactive monies, but we've done everything we can do for now.  All we can do is sit and wait.

May you all have a wonderful, joy-filled weekend.  See you on Monday.

Thursday Already???

Whether we wake or we sleep,
Whether we carol or weep,
The Sun with his Planets in chime,
Marketh the going of Time.

Edward Fitzgerald

Whew, where did this week go?  Time continues to relentlessly march on.  Wishing it would slow up does no good. Even those dark days of my winter depression seem like they passed at breakneck speed. I  remember those days long, long ago when I was always wishing time would speed up. Especially in my late teens as I impatiently waited for age 21 to get there.  Now time has speeded up too much. And the older I get, the faster it seems to move. 

There are some who propose that time actually IS  speeding up, but that explanation I don't believe.  I read once that we measure time as fractions of our life, and each time period constitutes a smaller fraction of your life as a whole. In other words, the apparent length of an interval at each given age of an individual's life is proportional to the total length of the life. At five years old, a year is 1/5th of your whole life.  At 30, a year is just 1/30th of your life and seems so much shorter.  Now, as I approach 67, a year amounts to 1/57th of my life. Sounds logical enough, but ask me if I understand it.

Personally I think time seems to pass faster when we are older because we are busier, and more caught up in our lives. As a result, most of us don't take the time to stop and 'smell the roses'; therefore, it seems as though time slips by us faster. A day still equals 24 hours, but we have so much to do in  in our busy lives, each 24 hours speeds by so fast that before you know it, a year has already gone.

Yesterday was such a beautiful day.  The temperature barely hit 30, but after what we have been through, it felt like Spring.  The sun was shining so brightly that I just closed my eyes and savored the sun's rays as they brushed across my face. I felt so alive.  Amazing how a little sunlight can totally change a person's perspective on life. 

Happy Oreo Cookies Day to all.  Yep, the Oreo Cookie is 102 years old today.  The first cookie, two chocolate disks with a cream filling, went on sale March 6, 1912.  Today there are too many varieties to count including chocolate cream, golden, peanut butter, cakesters, mint, double stuff, to name a few.  Then we have sugar free, reduced fat, no bake oreo jello desert, minis, and, of course, we have ice cream oreos. Yummy.  Guess I will be stopping at Pathmark after the Center today.

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.  

Charles Dickens

The Joys of March

Month which the warring ancients strangely styled
The month of war, -- as if in their fierce ways
Were any month of peace! -- in thy rough days
I find no war in Nature, though the wild
Winds clash and clang, and broken boughs are piled
At feet of writhing trees. The violets raise
Their heads without affright, without amaze,
And sleep through all the din, as sleeps a child.
And he who watches well may well discern
Sweet expectation in each living thing.
Like pregnant mother the sweet earth doth yearn;
In secret joy makes ready for the spring;
And hidden, sacred, in her breast doth bear
Annunciation lilies for the year.

Helen Hunt Jackson

So, March has arrived.  Soon Spring will be here. (In the Southern Hemisphere March signals the beginning of Autumn.) It has come in like a lion.  Let's hope it goes out like a lamb.  It is always a month of change as the winds of March sweep the Winter away. The word 'March' comes from the Roman 'Martius'. It was originally the first month of the Roman calendar, It honors  the god of war, Mars. who was regarded as the guardian of agriculture. 

"O Love-star of the unbeloved March,
When cold and shrill,
Forth flows beneath a low, dim-lighted arch
The wind that beats sharp crag and barren hill,
And keeps unfilmed the lately torpid rill!"

  Aubrey De Vere
 'Ode to the Daffodil'  

The daffodil is the birth flower of March. Daffodils symbolize chivalry, respect, modesty and faithfulness. The traditional birthstone is the aquamarine which helps one to get in touch with their spiritual being. The Zodiac signs of March are Pisces and Aries.  I was born on the 23rd of this month and was born on the cusp, only 1 degree Aries, and have absolutely no Aries tendencies, but plenty of Pisces.  It's hard to believe that almost 67 years have passed since I took my first breath. Where has all the time gone?

Went to the Center yesterday, and I am glad I did.  They provided us with a feast for "Fat Tuesday".  We had spaghetti,  meatballs, sausage, salad, grape juice, and for dessert, a cream puff.  Afterwards there was a small party in honor of Mardi Gras.  Had a wonderful time.  Days like this make me realize how much I was missing while I was working.  Not that I am against work.  What I am saying is don't allow your work life overwhelm every other part of your life so that you miss out on the little joys that come our way like I did.

Speaking of Spring, the Priest gave the most wonderful sermon on Sunday.  He spoke of Spring and the beauty of the world around us...and how important it is for us to take notice of these things as they are God's creation.  He asked us all to listen to the singing of the birds with new ears and to watch for the budding of Spring with new eyes.  It was wonderful to hear such beautiful words, especially when the threat of another winter storm was looming.  

Wishing you all a fantastic March day.

“It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.” 

Charles Dickens

Tuesday Ramble

I watch the springs, the summers, the autumns;

And when comes the winter snow monotonous,

I shut all the doors and shutters

To build in the night my fairy palace.

Charles Baudelaire

Good morning. Yesterday it wasn't as bad as they predicted and I probably could have made it to the Center, but I had to stay home and wait for the super. The doorknob to my front door is broken, and hubby had to go to his breathing exercises.   It is too early now to step out, but they say it is brutally cold out. I honestly don't mind the cold if I am on the move in it, but when one has to stand at a bus stop, sometimes for 25 minutes, it gets rather uncomfortable to say the least.  The saving grace is that winter will soon be over.  It's been a record breaker, for sure.  In September I'd bought myself a number of fur lined loafers to keep my feet warm, and there has been so much snow on the ground that I've not really been able to wear them. Oh well, at least next year I will not have to buy any shoes. 

I want to thank everyone for your kind comments and support.  Miss Minga was doing better yesterday.  She actually ate 3 cans of Fancy Feast (she loves the chicken and beef) and batted a string around with her paw for a few minutes. She still has a healthy appetite. It did my heart well to see it.  Caring for an aging pet is like riding a roller coaster.  One's emotions are up and down.  Some days are good; others are heartbreaking. The rational me knows that she is at a truly advanced age, and I am so blessed to have had these extra years, but then there is that irrational side wants to believe she has years ahead of her. Several people have asked if I will get another fur baby, and my answer is 'no'.  I'll be 67 in a few days, and with my health problems, I don't want to have to worry about what will happen to a pet if something should happen to me.

Get over the idea that only children should spend their time in study.  Be a student so long as you still have something to learn, and this will mean all your life.  

Henry L. Doherty

I have decided that have been spending too much time in  idle thinking lately, and I  really have to start keeping myself busy. Actually I KNOW I had to find something to occupy my mind.  Too many negative thoughts being processed lately. What I really wanted to do was further my Druid studies so yesterday I joined  Ár nDraíocht Féin (ADF) and enrolled in their Dedicant classes, a one year prerequisite to specialized training.  Afterwards, I am not sure what direction I will chose. It definitely feels good to have something to keep my mind occupied.  I've let it sit stagnant far too long.

I think it is important that we continue with the learning process no matter how old we are...and lifelong learning does not mean we have to go back to school or enroll in a course.  Life presents us with opportunities every day. Read a book, learn a new recipe, take up a new hobby, browse through the newspaper, surf the web for interesting articles, watch educational television--National Geographic Channel, History Channel, Animal Planet. Life abounds with opportunities. Believe me.  I learned the hard way that an idle mind leads to depression.

Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/worklifebalancingact/2012/04/why-you-need-to-learn-something-new-every-day-.html#storylink=cpy

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.

Henry Ford

Monday Morning This and That

Another Monday.  Another storm.  By now I should be quite used to it, but this time I almost broke down in tears when I heard the forecast over the weekend.  It is so hard on those of us who just can't get about as freely as we once did. 

I did get out to Church yesterday.  I went early, before the storm.  People there know my name now, and it feels good.  As I told hubby when I got home, "All I had before was my co-workers.  Now I have friends and acquaintances."  I like that.  I like knowing that if I miss a Sunday someone will be concerned, and the next week ask if I was okay.  And they are not showing concern because you sit next to them at work, and they have to.  No, these people are showing concern because they care. 

Of course, I will be staying home today...again.  In fact, it will probably be until at least Wednesday before I get out again.  I do enjoy my home and love spending time with my loved ones, but I also need the stimulation of being around others. Thank goodness I took care of everything over the weekend. I feel much better knowing we have plenty of food in the house...including Miss Minga....

...who, sadly, is really beginning to show her age, and it is breaking my heart. She is still eating well and using the litter box, but she is beginning to have trouble getting up, and it is obvious that her kidneys are slowly giving out. The vet told me what to expect, and I can no longer live in denial. No more can I feel comfortable counting her time in months. Now, I fear it may only be weeks.  And honestly, dear friends, I don't know how I am going to handle it.  Even now, I break down in tears,  I want to hold and hug her so badly, but she has never liked being held...and right now all that matters is that she is happy.  She is my best friend, and I cherish her.  She now has her good days as well as her bad days, and all I can do is enjoy her spry days and cherish her through the not so spry ones.

Speaking of cats, I have a new spirit in my home, that of a cat.  Several times recently I hear the clicking of claws on my hardwood floors.  When I turn to look to see where Miss Minga is going, there is nothing there, and she is still sleeping at my feet.  And sometimes, when I am at my dining room table I feel a cat brushing against my legs.  My feelings are that this is Miss Minga's daughter, Twinkie, who has come to help her mother make the transition when the time comes.  Oh, if only we could go back a few years!!!

Do pets reincarnate? I've had many pets throughout my life, and I have loved them all, but only two that I have felt an intense connection with....Susie, my first dog who passed on 46 years ago and Miss Minga.  I read not too long ago that animals do reincarnate, and the animals in you life now have very likely been in your life before.  I wonder.  I wonder if Susie and Miss Minga are one in the same. Have you ever felt that a new pet was the reincarnation of a pet from your past?

I humbly apologize for starting this week out on such a dour note, but I hold so much of this in that it is beginning to eat away at me.  Thankfully, I have an outlet at the Center and have been talking a lot about it in group, but that is WHEN I can get there.  

Well, I am getting hungry about now, and so is Miss Minga.  She is very patient in the morning, but she has waited long enough.  Hoping you all have a great day.  Be safe and stay warm. Think Spring.