Happy Mother's Day

Oft within our little cottage,
    As the shadows gently fall,
    While the sunlight touches softly
    One sweet face upon the wall,
    Do we gather close together,
    And in hushed and tender tone
    Ask each other's full forgiveness
    For the wrong that each has done.
    Should you wonder why this custom
    At the ending of the day,
    Eye and voice would quickly answer:
    "It was once our mother's way."

    If our home be bright and cheery,
    If it holds a welcome true,
    Opening wide its door of greeting
    To the many -- not the few;
    If we share our father's bounty
    With the needy day by day,
    'Tis because our hearts remember
    This was ever mother's way.

    Sometimes when our hands grow weary,
    Or our tasks seem very long;
    When our burdens look too heavy,
    And we deem the right all wrong;
    Then we gain a new, fresh courage,
    And we rise to proudly say:
    "Let us do our duty bravely --
    This was our dear mother's way."

    Then we keep her memory precious,
    While we never cease to pray
    That at last, when lengthening shadows
    Mark the evening of our day,
    They may find us waiting calmly
    To go home our mother's way.

By Abram Joseph Ryan 

Wishing you all the very best.  See you on Monday.

I Will Not Miss...

I begin to grow heartily tired of the etiquette and nonsense so fashionable in this city.

George Mason

Yesterday morning I had to stop at the token booth to add some money onto my metrocard.  There were two women ahead of me, I stood patiently awaiting my turn.  Patience is one of the gifts seniorhood has given me.  I am no longer that Type A personality who gets stressed when things don't move as quickly as I want them to. 

So, when Woman 1 finished her transaction, Woman 2 stepped up to the window, and before she was finished, a man appeared out of  nowhere and began pushing his $20 towards the clerk. It was obvious that he was planning to cut in front of me. Now, I may have gained patience, but I am still nobody's fool.  Besides, I'd already gotten drenched in the storm and wasn't in the best of moods. (We had three inches of rain yesterday)

"Excuse me", I said rather harshly. "I've been waiting here in line. Please step behind me." I really didn't even have to say 'please' to this moron, but I was raised to say 'please' and 'thank you', and you just can't turn that off. "Oh, I am sorry", he replied.  Sorry, my butt. If he was sorry, he never would have tried it in the first place.I knew darned he saw an older woman with a cane and figured it would be easy to cut me off.  I'd be too scared to say anything. 

Then, as a further dampener on my day, on my way to work I stopped at MacDonalds. I absolutely love their fruit and maple oatmeal. I took my place and stood behind a woman who was busily texting someone on her phone, but she was definitely standing on line.  As I waited, a man walked in from the street and right up to the counter to order, so I politely asked her if she were in line.  Talk about snippy.  She snapped at me, "Yes, I am."  Oh, boy, I sure didn't need that.  I was still thinking about that man.  So, I not so politely advised her that if she were in line, then she should pay more attention to what was going on around her, that people were walking in off the street and cutting in front, that she may not have any place to go, but I had to go to work.

It really made me think about all of the other hings I will not have to deal with once I retire. At the top of the list, of course, is the subway, but I am not going to dwell on that here. Gone will be those crowded subway rides where I stand 'fuming' while healthy young people sit.  Hip, Hip, Hooray!!! I'll  hav no reason to go into the city.   There is a bus in front of my house that will take me any place I choose to go.  But, aside from the subway, there are a few other things I will not miss.

It irks me when people stop short in front of me...especially those who come to a dead stop on the subway stairs to pull out their cell phone.  The station near my home is a very busy station, and in the evening, it is a mob scene trying to get up the stairs.  Never fails, some dimwit will stop dead on the stairway, whip out their phone, and call their household to let them know they are on their way home...causing a massive traffic jam.  They can't wait until they get to the top of the stairs to call home?

On the other hand, we have those who are in such a rush to catch the train that they race down the stairs disregarding everyone around them.  One misstep and down they go...and pity the poor person who may be in front of them.  Subway stairs have metal coverings so safety is definitely an issue here.

People who text message while walking on the sidewalk.  I cannot stand it. They either crawl along blocking your way or are so engrossed in their texting that they walk right into you.  They never step out of the way for you because they don't see you. It's always up to you to move.

Holding the door for someone who brushes through without even saying thank you. You stand there like a fool, holding the door, and they squeeze right on past you, leaving you in the lurch, standing there holding the door for them like you are their personal doorman.  If I catch it in time, I'll let go of the door and let it close on them.  I know, two wrongs don't make a right, but it does give one the feeling of satisfaction.

Women who wear the highest heels they can possibly find and then cannot walk in them, tying everyone  up who is walking behind them. And along the lines of clothing, I cannot stand it when women wear skirts so shorts that everyone sees up their crotch as they are climbing the stairs.

And, of course,  you knew I would go back to the subway. It goes without saying that subway etiquette flew the coop somewhere after the 70's. Although I am blessed to usually get a seat, at least 70 percent of the time I have had to stand for a few stops  until someone gets off.  Most people bury their heads in their newspapers or electronic gadgets and don't look up.  Sort of like  'see no evil, hear no evil"; in other words, if they don't see you, they don't have to give up their seat.

Customers in the bank who wait until they get up to the teller's window to fill out their withdrawal or deposit sheet.  We're all expected to wait for them. They just don't care.  I have my slips filled out before I even leave my house.  Personally, I don't think they should be allowed to do that.  The teller should take the next person in line while the customer fills it out.

People no longer know how to walk on the sidewalk.  For example, those  groups who insist on walking three or four abreast when walking with friends really frustrate me. Why should I have to step aside to let all of them pass?  After all, I am on a cane.  Where is the respect?

Bike messengers are the pits. They are more dangerous than cabs.They feel they are above the law and whiz through traffic stops.  The innocent walker who has the right of way doesn't know what hit him when he is struck.  I've had more than my share of near misses.  One guy rally had gall.  I had the light and was crossing the street when I glanced sideways and saw him zooming right at me. I froze and just stood there.  The moron actually had the nerve to yell at ME, who had the right of way. Takes all kinds and they are all in the city.

But all has not been so bad. There are some beautiful memories  of the city that I will forever cherish. One such memory was that day in Washington Square Park when that handsome man sat next to me and said, "Would you mind if I sat here?" Who knew then that he was my future.  It will be 21 years in August that we have been together. But as I grow older, my patience is wearing thin.  It will be nice to watch you from a distance for a change. 

The greater our hurry, the longer the way;
the greater our patience, the sooner we reach the goal.

German proverb

On a Gray Day

Only those in tune with nature seem to pick up on the energy in wind. All sorts of things get swept off in the breeze — ghosts, pieces of soul, voices unsung, thoughts repressed, love uncherished, and a thousands galore of spiritual ether. Wind is an emotional rush because emotions are rushing by.

Terri Guillemets

Good morning. It is a rainy day today; clouds  are hanging heavy in the sky. It is the kind of morning  I'd just love to pull the covers up and stay in bed.  But, unfortunately, I still have to go to work.  I actually do love the rain, but hate sitting in wet clothes all day at work.  I am quite a sight as I dash between raindrops with my umbrella in one hand and my cane in the other.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you all for your advice about my job.  I've decided to hold off telling them for now, although I think they have an inkling of my plans.  My clinical supervisor told me yesterday that she was holding off on intakes for me so I can get caught up.  So, for now, it is my secret.  But, as soon as I see them begin loading me with intakes again, I will break the news.  I just can't add anyone else to my caseload.  Not only will I...and they...have to go through the separation process, but there will also be all that extra paperwork.  That, when I am trying to get things in order so I can make a clean exit when I continue on to a new stage in my journey of life.

Though it is but by footsteps ye do it,
And hardships may hinder and stay;
Walk with faith, and be sure you'll get through it;
For "Where there's a will there's a way."

Eliza Cook

I just don't want to be one of those people who they talk about when I am gone.  Oh, I know they probably will, but I don't want them complaining that I am 'that' person who left all my work behind for the next person.  I know how it feels.  I have been through it. If my peer had stepped in front of me, I would have wrung his neck.  

One last thing.  No matter what the young 'uns say, senior-hood does have its bonuses, and already they are paying off.  Twenty dollars on my metrocard will take me back and forth for 8  days, not the 4 rides on a regular metrocard.  And, oh what a surprise I had yesterday.  I had no idea that seniors had a larger standard deduction, and was thrilled to find that I actually got $229 more than I had planned on.  

Hoping you all have a wonderful day. If you have rain, stay dry.  Just think, the work week is half over.

Tuesday Ramble

Prayer is a means of sharing the burden, which relieves pressure, as you tell

your worries and concerns to someone who will listen and won't judge, no

matter what you say. Praying is like handing the problem over to someone else

as you talk it out. Then you can tune in for guidance and a different perspective

that will exude heartfelt energy. When you pray, you are exposing your real

self and extending sincere, loving energy to yourself. It doesn't matter if your

words are fancy or plain, and there is no way to do it right or wrong.

Prayer is about opening your heart and being sincere.

Lucinda Bassett

Yesterday was such a long day for me.  I left the house a little after 7 am and didn't get home until after 6 pm because of my doctor's appointment after work.  I knew there were going to be more tests ordered.  I need to have an EKG and more blood work.  They want my heart checked and my blood to see if I am a bleeder before they give me medical clearance for the biopsy.  I try to think positively, but it seems every time I go for a test, they find something wrong.  That's what happens when you spend years living an unhealthy lifestyle.

My blood pressure was back up to 167 over 108 yesterday, and now I am added a third medication, Norvasc.  Personally, I don't think my blood pressure will be okay until I leave this job.  When I last had it taken I had gone to the doctor from home and it was down.  When I go to work, it is back up again.  I am just so overwhelmed there that I came home last night and cried.  And it angers me that I've been pleading for months to give me a break to allow me catch up, but they just kept piling on clients and then more clients.  And now it is taking its toll on my health.  

Yesterday I applied for my social security benefits online, then spent some time downloading information about other programs available for seniors. Hopefully, I will begin collecting the end of June. I also made copies of everything I need to send with the application for my pension and will mail that out on my way to work today. So, everything is in motion. I 'might' even be eligible for SSI as well. My only concern is health insurance. It seems I qualify for Medicare Part B and from what I read, there is a monthly fee, but there are many other programs to help offset this, so I am looking into them as well. I am especially interested in this Farmer's Market plan I found where seniors are provided with coupons for fruits and vegetables at a participating farmer's market.

Speaking of seniors, I questioned a co-worker yesterday about social security since she handles all her dad's affairs, and he collects benefits.  She actually asked me when I will hit 62, the earliest age I can retire.  Imagine that.  I actually still look younger than my biological age.  It's always been that way for me.  When I was 26, I actually had to show ID to get a drink in a bar...and the drinking age in New York back then was 18.  But, now I look in the mirror, and I just don't see it, but they say we always focus on our flaws. It must be true because she is not the only one who thinks I am younger than I actually am.

And finally, I did an intake on the most interesting client yesterday.  When we got to the part about spirituality and religion, he proudly responded, "I am a Wiccan". Totally threw me off guard how open he was.  We talked for awhile afterwards, and he spoke of his grandmother who taught him all he knows.  Very interesting story about how she used to do very accurate readings with cards for everyone and how people from all over came for her herbal cures.

And with that, I take my leave. Wishing you all a great day.

There is only one you for all time.
Fearlessly be yourself.

Unknown

Monday Morning This and That

We all have to go through the tumbler a few times

before we can emerge as a crystal.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Monday morning after a rather uneventful weekend.  My son didn't visit Sunday because the trains were down.  He's moved up to the Bronx to a beautiful area.  His window opens up to a large lake.  It is so serene up there, and much cheaper than Brooklyn, but there are just too many hills.  I'd virtually be a prisoner.  My co-worker's dad lives in the area, and she said he has to take a cab just to get up the hill.  My son is young and in relatively good shape.  He can do it, but between my back and knees, I'd be forced to become a hermit.

Went to the fruit stand on Saturday, and lo and behold, there were signs all over saying "First of the Season".  I've become so bored with winter fruits, I've almost stopped eating it.  I bought 2 Mangoes, 4 peaches, 4 apricots, strawberries, and grapes.  I didn't overdo because they are still pricey, but I just wanted something for a change.  I also bought fresh brocolli and the greenest watercress I've ever seen, along with a package of walnuts.

The one fruit I haven't gotten sick of is the black grapes.  They are seedless and very sweet.  I could sit and eat the whole bowl in one sitting, but I know what it will do to my tummy.

And finally, I purchased the above candy.  Besides fruits, the store also has candies from around the world, and the above should take care of my sweet tooth when it pops up. The candy comes from Germany, and I understand it was specifically made for children. (Kinder means children in German).  Well, I'm  a child at heart, so what the heck?  The candies are great.  I have had the bueno before.  It is a milk chocolate wafer with a milky hazelnut filling.  The other is a fine milk chocolate with a milky filling.  They are actually hard to find here in the states, but if you are lucky enough to run across them, do try one.

If anyone is interested in some free college courses from universities around the world, check out Coursera.  I have signed up for a few including "Nutrition, Health, and Lifestyle: Issues and Insights" which begins today.  Nutrition and health have become very important in my life.

Speaking of health, I have an appointment later this afternoon with my doctor.  I need medical clearance for the biopsy.  I do hope that I don't have to go through a series of tests.  It seems that everything involves a test nowadays. I am just so tired of being poked and prodded.  I just want this over with.  I want to know one way or another.  This waiting for answers is really taking a toll on my peace of mind.

Before closing, I'd like to pose a question.  When do you think I should inform my employers that I am retiring?  Some say I should wait, that they might try to push me out if they no I am leaving anyway.  As for my own thoughts, I've always been one of those people who want to do things the right way, even though it has caused me to get dumped on at times. I plan on leaving in July, so at the latest, I would like to let them know in June.  But there is also that part of me who would like to let them know now.  That point of view is taking the client's feelings into consideration.  Separation is so very hard for them, and I've already more than enough to deal with on my caseload.  Why add more clients only to have to say good bye to them in a month?  What are your thoughts on this?

It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us.  Rather, our concern

must be to live while we're alive - to release our inner selves from the spiritual

death that comes with living behind a facade designed to conform to external

definitions of who and what we are. 

Elizabeth Kubler Ross

   

TGIF

It is spring again. The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart.

  Rainer Maria Rilke

Just wanted to wish you all a great weekend, be happy and enjoy what you are
doing.

Today, look at the blue sky, hear the grass growing beneath your feet,

inhale the scent of spring, let the fruits of the earth linger on your tongue,

reach out and embrace those you love. Ask Spirit to awaken your awareness

to the sacredness of your sensory perceptions.

Sarah Ban Breathnach

Thursday This and That

Prayer, the basic exercise of the spirit, must be actively practiced in our private lives.

The neglected soul of the human being must be made strong enough to assert itself once more.

For if the power of prayer is again released and used in the lives of common men and women;

if the spirit declares its aims clearly and boldly, there is yet hope

that our prayers for a better world will be answered.

Alexis Carrel

Ah, I haven't done a this and that in awhile now.  Walpurgis Night was a huge success.  The food was wonderful, and even hubby, the diehard Dominican who loves his rice and beans had to admit that German food is pretty good.  I only wish I hadn't had to work on May Day because it would have been very nice to have gone to the park and spent some time in nature.  Oh, well, next year.  

This month I will have my biopsy, and I am really focusing on positive thought.  Last night, though, I just broke down and sobbed, for myself as well as hubby's cousin.  I think I've mentioned her before. The three of us used to smoke together, we all quit together, we stayed stopped, she picked up again.  The next we heard she had advanced lung cancer.  From what we'd heard, she'd come through the treatments well and was in remission.  That was only a little over a month ago.  Now, we learned that the cancer had spread throughout her body, and she's in  the hospital with, at the most, two weeks left. She is on life support now.  First of all, I have to ask, how can doctor's fail to see that cancer has spread like that?  How can they give her and her family such false hope, only to have it so horribly taken away? I mourn the beautiful person that she was.

Remember back a few months ago when I mentioned that client who raised his fist at me? Well, we got word the other day that he was convicted of assault and received a 1 1/2 to 3 year prison sentence.  I shudder when I think of how close I came to being one of his victims. I understand, also, that another of our clients went off in the shelter over the weekend and beat up two staff members, a male and a female.  He's locked up as well.  These instance only serve to reinforce my need to get out of there.  Next time I may not be so lucky. 

Next month the organization will be taking them on the annual trip to Rye Playland. I don't go.  I prefer a nice quiet day back at the office. The agency takes hundreds of clients from all our different programs every year.  They actually 'buy' the place for the day. Buses  are chartered for the trip, and once there, the clients are treated to a barbecue, all you can eat, and then all the rides and shows are free.  It must really cost a pretty penny, and not that I begrudge the clients, it would be nice to do something nice for staff once in awhile.  No one can tell me they're not raking in the bucks, not with all the new contracts they are getting.  A  so-called not-for-profit agency for the homeless, ours is the largest in the city.  We have 3 men's shelters, an assessment shelter, a detox, a medical clinic, a working shelter, a woman's shelter, the substance abuse program, housing programs, a case management program, and about 35 transitional housing sites. 

Besides, these are not the clients of the past.  The clients now are more interested in getting hold of their K2.  For those who don't know, it's a synthetic form of marijuana which is far more dangerous.  In my opinion, there lies the source of the unpredictable, violent behaviors of some of our clients.

As I announced the above trip to my group today, I realized that April had come and gone in a flash.  One day it was here, and almost overnight it was gone. In fact, it went by so fast that I hardly have any memories of it. That's kind of sad.  (Sigh)

And with that, I guess it's time to get ready.  Another day beckons.  Wishing you all a fantastic day.  I leave you with the following....

This morning I stood on the river bank to pray. I knew then that the ancient ones

were wise to pray for peace and beauty and not for specific gifts except fertility

which is continued life. And I saw that if one has even a small degree of the ability

to take into and unto him or herself the peace and beauty that God surrounds them with,

it is not necessary to ask for more.

Edith Wharton