The First Fall of Snow

The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event. You go to bed in one kind of world and wake up in another quite different, and if this is not enchantment then where is it to be found? 

 J.B. Priestley

Well, I am sorry to say it doesn't feel so magical when you are trying to get home from work in blizzard-like conditions. That's exactly what it was like last night. The wind was so gusty the flakes stung one's face. Yet, despite the discomfort, it was such an amazing sight...for awhile, that is.  After about 30 minutes of standing out in it, waiting for the bus, I was starting to look like a snowman. I'd had enough, so when a van pulled up offering rides for $3, I was one of the first to hop it. It was well worth it. Who knows what time that bus would have arrived? 

I have a feeling we are in for a rough winter. Already it has been pretty rough. Last year all I remember is a few flakes, and the year before had very little snow as well.  I remember seated by my living room window last year, waiting for the highly predicted snowfall, only to see a few lonely flakes fall from the sky.  I don't think I will be disappointed this year. I think this year we will have more than enough.  After all, it's not even Thanksgiving yet.  That's quite unusual around here.

When I no longer thrill to the first snow of the season, I'll know I'm growing old. 

Lady Bird Johnson

There is still know word as to when my subway will be off and running.  Most of them are already up now, so I am assuming that it must have sustained some severe damage. They are not telling us anything, so all I can do is venture a guess.  I am trying not to let this get me down.  Instead I am looking at the bright side of things and go along with the flow. At least I am learning new ways to travel, and I have met some very nice people. It seems that every day I meet somebody new...stranger reaching out to stranger. On normal days, everyone remains in their own world on subways.  Perhaps making pleasant conversation with a stranger is everyone's way of coping.  I love it.

I wonder what they are,

These pretty, wayward things,

That o'er the gloomy earth

The wind of heaven flings.

Each one a tiny star,

And each a perfect gem;

What magic in the art

That thus has fashioned them.

What beauty in the flake

That falls upon my hand;

And yet this tiny thing

My will cannot command.

No two are just alike,

And yet they are the same;

I wonder if my thought

Could give to each a name.

Unlike the fragile flowers

That love the sun's warm rays,

These snow-flakes love the cold,

And die on sunny days!

So dainty and so pure,

How beautiful they are;

And yet the slightest touch

Their purity may mar.

They must be gazed upon,

Not handled or caressed;

And thus we hold afar

The things we love the best.

By Fannie Isabelle Sherrick

A Delayed This and That

Living with animals can be a wonderful experience, especially if we choose to learn the valuable lessons animals teach through their natural enthusiasm, grace, resourcefulness, affection and forgiveness.

— Richard H. Pitcairn

It was a few years back, maybe 22 years ago, that I was watching television one eve with my boys, and a little mouse ran out and began running in circles in the middle of the floor.  Now, we'd been trying to catch this little creature for a good long while, but he always managed to evade our trappings, and here he was, putting on a little show for me.  It seemed like he was saying, "Catch me if you can." 

It was in the middle of that night that I was awoken about 3 am in the morning by a rumbling sound.  My immediate thought was that the boiler was about to blow, but as the eerie sound and rumbling continued, I realized that it was an earthquake.  Later I found out that it had taken place in Long Island. Our little visitor had sensed it coming. 

The very idea of a bird is a symbol and a suggestion to the poet. A bird seems to be at the top of the scale, so vehement and intense his life. . . . The beautiful vagabonds, endowed with every grace, masters of all climes, and knowing no bounds — how many human aspirations are realised in their free, holiday-lives — and how many suggestions to the poet in their flight and song!

-- John Burroughs  --

Fast forward to Monday morning, the day the storm was set to hit.  The birds were unusually noisy that morning, especially the seagulls, already a noisy lot, who seemed to be announcing impending doom as they flew back onto the mainland in large flocks. Our ancestors knew enough to pay attention. In folklore of various cultures, birds have played many roles, from predicting the weather to predicting whom a girl is going to marry.

We all have our 'good old days' tucked away inside our hearts, and we return to them in daydreams like cats to favorite armchairs.

— Brian Carter

Can animals really sense incoming storms before they happen?  I believe they can.  I believe that most animals can sense variations in the weather and change their habits accordingly. What about you?  Do you have any animal stories you'd like to share?

It's been quite a nightmarish two days transportation wise.  It makes me question, "Do I really want to continue doing this?" Oh, I know that one day, soon, I hope, my train will be running again, but it really has been difficult, even for the younger people I work with.  And yesterday was so cold.  It seems the cold hit us all at once, and none of us are ready for it.  I left my house at 6:45 am and waited until 8:14 for a bus to take me to a train. By then, I was like an ice cube.    I'd not found my gloves, and my winter coats are still in the cleaners. (Like I said, I wasn't prepared.  It usually doesn't get so cold, so soon.) And, I just started to warm up on the bus when we reached my stop, and I got off to enter an air conditioned train.  I kid you not, that cold chill stayed with me all day.

Now, don't get me wrong about what I have to say.  I give these transit workers kudos for their Herculean efforts to get the subways back on track.  I never believed that most of them would be up and running so quickly, but what I cannot understand is why they have not provided shuttle buses for those of us whose service have not yet been restored. They do this when they are working on the tracks.  Yet here we are, thousands of people, struggling to get back and forth to work on some of the slowest buses in Brooklyn...and that is a known fact.  

And now, today, another storm coming.  Some are saying a slushy inch, other predictions say about 4 inches.  Only time will tell.  I did make arrangements yesterday to put my late days on hold until my train is running because I don't want to be running around at night looking for a way home. My boss understood my predicament and agreed to let me work early days until things are back in order.

Ah, but one day this will be a mere memory.  We'll be talking about the 'remember when's' just as we do when we had the blackout or the transit strike. For now, though, all I can do is rely on the serenity prayer.  

Thanks for letting me share.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference

Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life 

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

Baha'i Prayer for Peace..

Baha'i Prayer for Peace

Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity.

Be fair in judgment, and guarded in thy speech,

Be a lamp unto those who walk in darkness, and a home to the stranger.

Be eyes to the blind, and a guiding light unto the feet of the erring

Be a breath of life to the body of humankind,

a dew to the soil of the human heart,

and a fruit upon the tree of humility.

First day back to work went better than expected...getting there. Granted, it was a bit slow getting into the city...two trains and a bus, but I left early and beat most of the crowds. By the end of the day I heard my regular train was running through to Brooklyn.  Last stop was the stop before mine.  Then, I figured I would catch the bus.  I don't know why it never occurred to me that that was everyone's plan until we were nearing the last stop. Then I looked about and realized that all of these people in my car and all the other cars would be trying to cram on the same, slow moving bus. I was right.  So many people waiting, too many people. So, I hiked it home...six long blocks, half of it uphill. I was in pain, yes, but it was better than sitting in that cold.  Oh, and did I tell you that I beat the bus home?  

I have to tell you this.  People are just plain thoughtless.  I boarded the train this morning, and it was fairly crowded.  A man, his wife, and their teenage son were seated in the handicapped section.  He looked at me, then the cane, and motioned for me.  I took a step towards him, and guess what this moron said, "I just wanted to tell you that we're not getting off yet, but when we do, I am going to make sure you get a seat."  I would have thought he was being cruel, but the man actually felt that he was showing respect. Well, I couldn't hold it in.  "You are three healthy people, sitting in the seats reserved for people like me, and you have the nerve to tell me that when you get up I can have your seat?  Are you kidding me?"

Sometimes I worry, though, about opening my mouth.  Here in the city you never know how the other person will react.  Needless to say, the gentleman seated behind me who, finally realizing that I was on a cane said, "Ma'am, I'm sorry.  I didn't see the cane.  Here, you can have my seat," and he even reached out to help me.  The best and the worst of the city.

It was great to be back at work...hugging co-workers, clients.  Clients not even scheduled for the day showed up to make sure I was all right. I was tired because I'd not slept the night before.  (I think it was psychological, but I fell asleep at 4 and woke at 5) But, all in all the day went well.  I hadn't realized how much I missed civilization.  

They are warning now of another storm...heavy rain with winds 50-60 mph with a 2 to 4 foot storm surge.  Another nor'easter. Can we really handle another one so soon? At the present time, it is uncertain how damaging its impact will be, but we do know that with beaches already eroded, the dunes down, and new inlets created, there is bound to be some impact. Our governor warned the people that if ordered to evacuate, they'd better take the orders seriously.

I did a lot of reading on my time off.  One of the books I read on my Kindle was one that I had for awhile, but had not read..."The Path of a Christian Witch" by Adelina St. Clair.  The author who had been raised as a Catholic spent years agonizing over the feeling that there was something missing in her life and shows how she melded the paths of Christianity and Paganism to create her own spiritual path.  I was hooked from page one, barely able to put it down.  In fact, at some points I found myself eating with one hand and holding my Kindle in the other.  

It's fascinating how she has been able to bridge the Christian holidays with those of the Pagan.  I, too, celebrate both. For example, I light candles to symbolize 'light' in times of darkness on Yule and open gifts with hubby and children on Christmas. I also loved her choice of Mary Magdalene as her goddess and found that I wanted to learn more about this mysterious goddess because I, too, felt drawn to her as I read the passages in the book.  Perhaps I have finally found my goddess.

"Christian Witchcraft is a practice of daily manifestations.  We can take our spirituality into our homes and shape it to celebrate the greatest and the simplest of our realities."

Adelina St. Clair

The Best Cure

The best cure for worry, depression, melancholy,

brooding, is to go deliberately forth and try to

lift with one's sympathy the gloom of somebody else.

Arnold Bennett

Monday, and it is time to return to work. I can't believe I am up this early, but everything is moving so slowly around here.  I think it will be a good thing for me. I'm not even watching the newscasts anymore; in fact, I spent this weekend watching Christmas movies on Hallmark. But I have fallen into quite a funk, a profound sadness, feeling lost within myself, that I am finding hard to shake. I have been struggling to shake this feeling of being lost, empty, fatigued, restless, and sad which permeates my entire being.  I hurt everywhere. It's one of the worst feelings that I know.  

There are times when all of us feel lost and alone, but it can be especially hard on those of us who are empaths when there is a natural disaster or some other tragic event that affects our planets. I is very hard for us to handle, very hard.

The stress of taking in the emotions of other people, of sensing information on a continual basis, of being a "human sponge", of being driven by deep inner forces that are not understood, all create a "torture chamber" of sorts within the average Empath. This does not have to be as melodramatic as I make it sound, but please understand - it frequently is for the subject. 

From the 'Book of Storms' by Jadoa Tai Alexander" which you can find free online...here http://mysilentecho.com/dreamtongue1.htm

Perhaps it is business of returning to work that I need. I have too much solitude here, too much time on my hands. Being with others, helping others is what I need right now.  I have to take an active part in things.  I am sure I have clients who have been quite traumatized, and I need to be there to help them through this. Some have wondered why, as an empath, I chose a career that put me on the front lines, why I would chose a job where I would be exposed to other people's pain on a daily basis.  It's because it is what I 'chose' to do, a path I have followed in other lifetimes when I was a priest in one lifetime and an astrologer in another...both helping professions.

So, the power is back at work, and I am actually looking forward to having a 'reason' to go out.  My only concern is getting there and back.  My train, the 'N' was one of the hardest hit and is still not up in running so traveling is going to be a bit difficult.  I have a choice between taking a bus and two trains or taking a bus to an express bus  which will take me to the city.  The second route may be the easiest, but the longest and most expensive. But, who am I to complain?  Others are wondering where they are going to sleep tonight.

My Trip to the Store

Just a quick note to let you all know I ventured out today and am safely home.  I thought this would be helpful for me, but instead I returned home more melancholy than before.  My city looks like a war zone, especially at the gas stations.  Even the bus driver said to me, "I never thought I would live to see my city like this." I took the following pictures with my cell phone. Click to enlarge. These photos  don't even begin to tell the tale.

Notice the fire truck in the background.  They pulled up in front and several fire fighters jumped out with yellow gas cans to be filled.  No one is immune to this.  Even our first responders.

Across the street are the gas lines. Notice the people milling about with orange cans waiting to have them filled.

Note:  The gas lines stretch stretch for five blocks down.  Roads are blocked off and police officers guarding. Took me almost two hours to make it home on what is usually a 30 minute trip. Tempers are flaring, even on the bus where a man tried to maneuver a free ride. There are also a number of power lines and trees down, but was unable to capture a photo while riding on the bus. 

Lots of people out shopping for hurricane victims.  While waiting in line, I overheard two ladies who were loaded up with towels, blankets, and pillows.  They were talking about the churches and shelters they were working from.  Made me feel really guilty because I was there buying nightgowns for myself.  So, when I overheard one ask the other where she could find soap, toothpaste, and the lot very cheap, she was told to go to the 99 cent store down the block.  I apologized for listening to their conversation, but offered to walk down to the store with the lady.  You can't just hand a stranger money nowadays, so at the store I chipped in $25 toward the bill.  I also gave my son another $25, candles, and batteries for his neighbors who are still without power. Not much, but at least I was able to do a little something. 

My son will be going back to his place this afternoon, and even though it was just for a short time, I am already beginning to feel the 'empty nest syndrome.'  Will talk to you all on Monday 

TGIF

If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon

in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.

Lin Yutang

Well, this 'hellish' week is finally coming to an end. This was not  exactly the vacation that I had planned. I always take a week's vacation in April and another in early December.  The rest of my time I save for emergency situations such as all these medical tests I have to go for. I'm not a traveler, just love to spend the time catching up on things about the house,reading, etc.  I do, however, always keep a couple of days free to do a little shopping, but with buses so packed and stores closed still because of electrical outages, I've not been able to really do anything.  But, as I have said before, I am not going to complain. So many people lost everything they own, some their lives.  I have truly been blessed and am filled with gratitude.

We heard from my sister-in-law yesterday who finally returned to her home in the Rockaways to find out that the basement apartment her daughter lived in was totally destroyed. Or that mother whose two young boys, 2 and 4, were wrenched from her arms in the storm surge; she had only moments before been refused help by some man after knocking at his door. Where was this man's humanity? May we pray for this mother instead of judging her as many  are doing. 

I was thrilled to learn that the trains were partially back up and planned on returning to work yesterday, even laid out all of my clothes.  That is, until I learned that the lines to get on the buses went down blocks and around corners, and the wait was over two hours. And when I saw those pictures of thousands of people waiting for only a few buses, I thanked my lucky stars that my bus didn't come so quickly.  This was one best left to the young 'uns.

I am really going to try to get out this weekend, and I hope the buses are less packed.  I need some winter jammies, desperately.  I love long flannel gowns and live in them all winter long.  Nothing more comfy to me.  I'd also like to just treat myself to something.  I don't know what.  I'll know when I get there.  

And I'd like to end my weekend with a perfectly useless afternoon.  But what does that mean.  What does one do to have a perfectly useless afternoon because when you look at it, even when resting, you are DOING something.  If anyone can come up with the answer, please let me know.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend and hope each of you gets to spend one perfectly  useless afternoon.

Good Morning

Good morning, everyone. Hope you all had a nice Samhain/Halloween.  Once again no children rang my bell. I'd expected the children who live in the building, but not a one. I guess things really have changed.   Well, at least here in the city they have, and I honestly can't say that I wouldn't keep my children in as well. Thirty years ago when my children were growing up, things were still fairly safe.  I guess my boys were among the last generation here to 'trick or treat' in other but a store. 

Last night was a very emotional time for me.  Since the hurricane, I find myself glued to the television and bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. So much devastation.  So much pain.  My heart goes out to all of those who have lost so much or have lost loved ones to Sandy's wrath.  The sirens can be heard both day and as rescue workers hurry to assist those who have had accidents because of the lack of traffic lights or to fight fires from those burning candles for light. It all makes me realize just how blessed I am. We have food, we have each other, and even today the lights remain out one block from me, yet mine was one of the first to be restored. 

My co-worker moved into his new apartment on Sunday.  He has always rented rooms in someone else's apartment, never had his own. He was so excited, bought everything new right down to the pots and pans. On Monday all was well when suddenly a surge of water gushed in, and he, and the people who were renting from him had to evacuate and go to a motel. His was a basement apartment two blocks from the ocean. When he first told me about the apartment a couple weeks ago, I remember telling him how jealous I was because I'd always wanted to live near the water, but hubby refused to because he felt it got too cold in winter.  My friend has lost everything, including all of his clothes.  The water has receded, but the mud and sand has left the place uninhabitable.  

So, last night I turned out my lights, lit my candles and prayed for those who endured Sandy's wrath. And because in Celtic and Anglo-Saxon times, October 31st  was the eve of the New Year, my prayer was that not only do we rebuild, but we rebuild into a better place and that this tragedy continues to bring us together as a people and help is to see that we have more in common with each other than we have differences.

May I become at all times, both now and forever

A protector for those without protection

A guide for those who have lost their way

A ship for those with oceans to cross

A bridge for those with rivers to cross

A sanctuary for those in danger

A lamp for those without light

A place of refuge for those who lack shelter

And a servant to all in need.

 Tibetan Buddhist prayer

Most of you know that I always say that everything happens for a reason, and I've always had a protector, an Anam Cara who steps in and saves me from harm or from walking into bad situations.  When I woke up yesterday, I went to the MTA website to see what was going on.  I interpreted what I read that all the buses were running.  I then went to Hop Stop to map out a route.  I was all prepared to get ready for work when something told me to go back to the MTA website and read a little deeper, and it was a good thing I did.  It seems that not 'all' buses were running.  Oh, the bus in my neighborhood was running, but it was going to take me to 'nowhere' land and drop me off with nowhere to go.  The express bus I need to get to the city was not running.  Then, I find out that the power is off on the job.  No way can I walk up ten flights of stairs. 

Those who did venture in yesterday said it took hours on cramped, slow moving buses. The government is doing everything it can to stop all this overcrowding by setting up bus lanes and making it mandatory that cars 'must' have three people in them to go over the bridge.  When I heard that an emergency generator kicked in and one of the elevators were working and that some of the subways have limited service, I arose early with all intentions of going in, but after listening to the news which is reporting a 45 minute wait for express buses with traffic jammed even worse than yesterday, and it was only 7 am in the morning, I've changed my mind.  There was a time that nothing would stop me.  I even walked the Brooklyn Bridge during the blackout and transit strike.  But, my body is aging now, my knees, back and hips ache with nothing for relief, and I can no longer do what I once was able to do. Age is definitely catching up to me.