Brrr!!! It Was Cold Outside

Winter is the time for comfort, for

good food and warmth, for the touch

of a friendly hand and for a talk beside

the fire: it is the time for home.

Edith Sitwell

It was 17 degrees when I climbed out of bed yesterday morning.  Thank goodness it wasn't a work day because I just might have played sick. My house is so warm and cozy. They say that with the wind chill, it felt like it was in the single digits.  We have had a rather strange winter this year.  Above average temperatures with a day of chill tossed in here and there just to remind us of the season we are in.  Of course, we still have a ways to go before spring arrives, so who really knows what February and March will bring.

My son came to dinner last night, and it did my heart well to see him.  I cooked his favorite foods...baked ziti and toasted garlic bread, and we had a pleasant visit.  He would love to come back here, and I would love to have him, but we both know that it's time for him to spread his wings.  It's just not fair not to let him grow.

I realized yesterday that I am regaining my joy in cooking.  For so long it had been a dreadful chore, but that's what happens when you don't have a kitchen conducive to cooking. My old kitchen was long and slim with a refrigerator far too large for the space.  The stove was old and when you put the oven on, you had to be careful when you touched it for the outside of it would be burning hot.  There was absolutely no counter space.   But here, in my new home, it has been so different.  My stove is new and the counter space adequate.  I've even been thinking about baking again.

By the way, before I forget.  My old place is up for sale.  My landlady must have won the battle because she is listed as sole owner now, and she is asking $895,000 for the house. She has 'got' to be kidding. The electricity  is dangerous, the pipes are rotting away, the boiler is on its way out, and there is a deep chill that flows through the house.  But that doesn't really concern me now, for finally I am at peace.

Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter.

Who would think that those branches would turn

green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

World Religions Day: January 15th

"Man must be a lover of the light, no matter from what form it may appear. He must be a lover of the rose, no matter in what soil it may be growing. He must be a seeker of the truth, no matter from what source it comes. Attachment to the lantern is not loving the light." 

Today is dedicated to the unity and oneness of all world religions. The aim of World Religion Day is to foster the establishment of interfaith understanding and harmony by emphasizing the common denominators which underlie all religions. Followers of every religion are encouraged to acknowledge the similarities that different faiths have.  Sadly though, because we live in a time  of fear and misunderstanding, questions about religion may seem to some as being antagonistic. It is because of these uncertain times we live in, Interfaith dialogue is extremely important in promoting understanding between cultures and fostering the establishment of interfaith understanding and harmony by emphasizing the common denominators underlying all religions. 

We have lost our way. Religion was never meant to divide or to cause conflict, but instead to unite.  There are many paths to God/Goddess, and it is important for each of us to be on a path and to be heading in the direction that is right for us. Problems arise when we begin to believe that our path is better than the others.  Human unity and true equality depend on our understanding that 'We are one".  We are all striving to reach the same goal...an understanding of this world and our place in it.  

I became an Interfaith minister because I believe there is good in 'all' religions.  I think the following prayer says it all:

In striving to recognize the primacy of Fire and Light, I feel kinship with my Zoroastrian brothers and sisters.

In striving to obey the Ten Commandments, I feel kinship with my Jewish brothers and sisters.

In striving to be kind to neighbor and the needy, I feel kinship with my Christian brothers and sisters.

In striving to be compassionate to creatures great and small, I feel kinship with my Buddhist - Jaina brothers and sisters.

In striving to surrender myself completely to God Almighty, I feel kinship with my Muslim brothers and sisters.

In the recognition that wisdom flows from enlightened masters, I feel kinship with my Sikh brothers and sisters.

In remembering that serving people should be the goal of religion, I feel kinship with my Bahá'i brothers and sisters.

In my respect and reverence for Nature that sustains us, I feel kinship with my Native American brothers and sisters.

In feeling that these and more are all paths to the same Divinity, I feel kinship with my Hindu brothers and sisters.

In my love and laughter, joy and pain, I feel kinship with all my fellow humans.

In my need for nourishment and instinct to live on, I feel kinship with all beings on the planet.

In my spiritual ecstasy with this wondrous world, I feel kinship with the Cosmic Whole. 

Inspired by the Parliament of World Religions Composed by Dr. V. V. Raman: at The Cape of Good Hope, SA: 1999 

By Loving Others

By loving others, we get to
pass on lessons in this
schoolhouse of life.
Loving others is the virtue
that is so hard to embody
yet crucial for advancing in
our spirituality.

 In loving others, we elevate others
as well as ourselves and
grow closer to our Higher Power. 

We experience consciously that mysterious, mystical, joyful essence
that is life and God. 

We rise and transcend our false
barriers to enjoy the Oneness that, 

even if long forgotten,
we still crave deep down
in our cores.

--Michael Goddart--

Today I breathe a sigh of relief as I look forward to a much needed three-day weekend.  I am so tired.  Have not been sleeping well lately as my fibromyalgia has been flaring up, making it difficult to find a comfortable position. I've not much planned. Have some unpacking and sorting that hasn't been done yet.  Also have to get some under the bed storage.  Still adjusting to three less closets and two less rooms.  But it's fun.  Even being creative with storage gives me pleasure.

I said to hubby last night, "I love coming home.  I feel so comfortable here." Even my cat has changed.  Her appetite has picked up, and she has stopped that dreadful howling in the middle of the night. I dreaded going to the other place.  Never knew what was going to be there to greet me.  I'd even keep the television very low and tiptoe around so no one would know I was home.  Just never felt at peace.

My son will be coming to dinner on Sunday. Both of us are adjusting.  He misses Mommy's cooking. I miss him as well, but I also know that it is best for him to be on his own.  It's the only way he will grow.  And, by golly, it's not like he moved to another country.  He lives only a train ride away.  

Speaking of trains, I just have to tell you. When we moved here, I felt that we were moving further from my beloved ocean.  Then, when I was coming home the other night, the train pulled into the station and it said, 'Sea Beach Express'.  Turns out I am actually 'closer' than before, only 15 minutes away.  It was the direction of the beach that threw me off.

Wishing you all a wonderful, restful weekend.

It's a Rainy Day in Brooklyn

The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain. --Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It's a rainy day here in the city. It began last night after I got home from work as a gentle tapping against my window. To me, rain signifies the act of purification.  I'd been looking forward to rocking in my chair in front of the window and watching the snow falling, but this was just as comforting.  I cannot begin to describe that feeling of peace that overcame me when the rain started.  It had been such a hectic day at work, and last night's rain was exactly what I needed. It's so nice to finally have a window I can enjoy.

I close my eyes and think back to when I was a kid and rain was wonderful and amazing. Our parents always let us play in the rain if there wasn't any thunder and lightning.  My friend Kathy and I loved swirling and dancing in the rain, splashing in the puddles. The cool drops softly and gently running down our faces, getting into our eyes, soaking our clothes.  Playing in the rain sets you free, and  can still remember how it felt.  Ah, the wonders of childhood!!!  How quickly we forget.

The rain! the rain! the rain!

It gushed from the skies and streamed

Like awful tears; and the sick man thought

How pitiful it seemed!

And he turned his face away,

And stared at the wall again,

His hopes nigh dead and his heart worn out.

O the rain! the rain! the rain!

II.

The rain! the rain! the rain!

And the broad stream brimmed the shores;

And ever the river crept over the reeds

And the roots of the sycamores:

A corpse swirled by in a drift

Where the boat had snapt its chain--

And a hoarse-voiced mother shrieked and raved.

O the rain! the rain! the rain!

III.

The rain! the rain! the rain!--

Pouring, with never a pause,

Over the fields and the green byways--

How beautiful it was!

And the new-made man and wife

Stood at the window-pane

Like two glad children kept from school.--

O the rain! the rain! the rain!

James Whitcomb Riley

Wednesday Quote

Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to

turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on

the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.

Lao Tzu

The Man In The Mirror

Yesterday I was having a session with one of my clients, a bank robber on parole who has been in and out of the prison system since he was in his teens. He's been recently released after spending ten years in the federal prison system.  He spoke to me of the self he was, and the self he has become.  Today, he says, he focuses on the important things in life....rebuilding the relationship with his son and helping others.  "Today, when I look in the mirror, I like what I see."  And then he asked if I knew the following poem, 'The Man in the Mirror.'

If you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself

And see what that man has to say

For it isn't a man's father, mother or wife

Whose judgement upon him must pass

The fellow whose verdict counts most in his life

Is the man staring back from the glass

He's the fellow to please, never mind the rest

For he's with you clear up to the end

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the man in the glass is your friend

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you've cheated the man in the glass

-- A convict...found on the walls of his cell--

Each of us looks into a mirror at least several times each day.  Who looks back at you?

Wishing you all a day of peace and love. 

As Monday Rolls Around

Stress is basically a disconnection from the earth, a forgetting of the breath. Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important. Just lie down. Natalie Goldberg Whew!!!! The weekend is over and for once, I have to say I am glad to get back to work. Saturday I did the food shopping and my two week's worth of cooking. Going to the supermarket has become quite stressful for me. Yes, I am used to my little Met Food that I knew by heart; hence, I could whiz through it. And, I know I must get used to change, but my new Met Food is a bit beyond ridiculous. Nothing is where it should be. For example, at the pet department in the front of the store. After loading up my cart with cat food and litter box liners, I'm searching all over for the litter. Is it there? No, I find it way in the back of the store, up on a shelf so high I can barely reach it. When I do manage to get hold of a bag, it just about falls on my head.  I also needed some windex.  On a bottom shelf in the cleaning supplies, I find a large windex refill, but no windex.  After spending several minutes looking for it, I give up and move halfway up the aisle to the dish detergent.  Guess what?  Right next to it is the windex I was looking for.  Frozen foods are located in the center aisle of the store so backtracking is a must.  It is just so time-consuming when things are not organized. It took me two hours to get through it all, and another hour and a half for it to be delivered.

Then, it was immediately off to cooking because by 5 pm I was expecting people to bless my house.  For that, I made of a tray of cheese, crackers, and fruit.  It went well, but ran a lot longer than I had originally thought it would ...and half of it was in Spanish to accommodate the people who came with my sister-in-law which really made for a long night.  All in all it went well though.  My sister-in-law said that she felt the positive aura of this house the moment she stepped through the door.  Her first words were, "I love it." And, so do I.  I'd half expected my old landlady to call me, but she hasn't.  I am so much at peace now.

Yesterday my son moved out, and I've been feeling teary-eyed.  It's not the first time he spread his wings, but somehow this time is different, and I am missing him so.  Both of my children were born into a marriage of physical and emotional abuse and a father who exerted total control over them.  When I left their dad, I guess neither of them knew how they should feel.  Part of them knew that their dad had treated me wrong and it was something I had to do, and the other side loved their dad; hence, they were resentful over the break-up.  Mixed emotions so to speak. I never tried to turn them against their dad, but I was also dealing with his threats because I took his children away so I couldn't allow them to see him as often as they wanted.  (Actually, he was lucky to see them at all).  

Fast forward to 1991.  I met my current husband, and although the boys both liked him, their real dad was still the apple of their eye.  They were growing older and choosing to spend more time with him.  Then he developed and died from a rare form of groin cancer in 1997.  The boys lived with me and hubby full-time.  

All was going well, or should I say, we all got along.  We'd never really been able to develop those loving relationships I saw other family's have, but I wondered if that was how boys were with their mother.  When my youngest hit 20, he moved out on his own, and my eldest moved out shortly thereafter.  He and his girlfriend moved clear to another state.  I loved and missed them both, but as far as an empty-nest syndrome, I found myself enjoying being able to walk about naked if I wanted and having a huge room for storage.  I'd joke about my cat having her own room with a full bed.  

Fast forward to five years ago.  My son and his girlfriend had already been split up for a few years when he lost everything in a fire and asked if he could stay with us until he got back on his feet again.  Something happened this time around. Maybe it is because he was older and has been on his own, but one day he said, "Mom, I don't blame you for leaving daddy anymore.  He was mean to you." We developed that mother/son relationship that hadn't been there before. And during these years, my health has deteriorated to the point where it is harder for me to get around (I suffer from fibromyalgia and moderate COPD).  He's been my savior, running about doing things for me.  Hubby does what he can, but he is not well himself...liver disease and COPD.  

I'm not going to try to deny it. I have been reluctant to let him go. But, it's really not fair to him for me to hold on.  He has to be free to live his life, just as I claimed my own life so many years ago.  I knew I was going to feel bad, but I didn't know I would hurt so much. The house feels empty.  Even my little kitty is feeling I feel  a sense of sadness, loneliness.  I cried last night until there were no tears left. Is this what the empty nest syndrome feels like?  And, how long will it last?

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children 

as living arrows are sent forth.

Khalil Gibran