Woman's Work

Always one more meal to get;
one more train which must be met;
one more hopeless sock to men;
one more invalid to tend;
one more salve for one more knee,
one more visitor to tea;
one more future bruised and scarred;
one more drop of spikenard;
one more problem, one more doubt;
one more mood to be smoothed out;
one more smile and one more kiss—
Ah, but ministry like this
will outlast the radiant sun.
Woman's work is never done.
  
- Fay Inchfawn -

Housework and raising children are jobs that have no end, but who really wants it to end.  Not me.  My sons will always be my babies no matter how old they are, and I will always feel a sense of accomplishment and comfort when my house is clean.  No one can clean it better than me; at least, that's what  I like to tell myself.  It's just so hard for me to delegate jobs that I feel can only be done right by me.  But, this is my choice, and I am lucky to live in an age where I have a choice. 

The Women's Group I run at work is my favorite group; it is also the most difficult.  These women have been beaten down so low, it is hard to instill a sense of empowerment in them.    Convincing them  that they are in control of their lives and that things that happen to them  only happen because they have allowed it, is a big realization.  When a woman becomes empowered, she gains considerable strength and  courage. 

Historically, women have always been viewed as the weaker sex.   In the Middle Ages, a woman's place in society was determined by her husband, father, or brother's standing, and when she lost her male protector, she often lost her identity as well.  Choices for women were very limited.   The noble woman had it much easier than her peasant counterpart.  Her main concern was coordinating the work of her many servants and overseeing the upkeep of the manor.  Her great value was her dowry, and many marriages were founded on economic gain and not to please the lady.  Very few marriages in the medieval times were made because they loved each other, but they were marriages made for gain.  I have to believe it was a terribly unhappy and unfulfilling life. 

The peasant woman, on the other hand,  worked alongside her husband in the fields and for supplemental income would take up other jobs in shops or in nobles' homes as domestic help.  These women often worked in the fields just as hard as the men, but because she lived in a male dominated society,  she earned significantly less than a male counterpart. She was also personally responsible for the maintenance of her household.  Aside from labor, her other  main role was bearing children, and with poor medical care, women often died in childbirth.  Women of the past led difficult, painful lives, and it is not surprising that they had such a short life to live...from twenty to forty.

As a modern woman, I take pride in  my accomplishments and  am truly grateful for all of my life’s blessings, that I live in an age where women, although not equal to men,  have choices in how they want to live their lives.  I also have a loving family and a supportive husband who has always encouraged me to be the best that I can be. I wear many hats... I am a counselor,  a teacher, a  caretaker,  nurse, writer, daughter,  mother, wife, lover and friend. I take pride in everything I do, and I am blessed to live in an age where, although women's work may  never be done, it is done out of love and not because I am forced to do it.

The most common way people give up their power
is by thinking they don't have any.

~ Alice Walker ~

November

"The wild November come at last
Beneath a veil of rain;
The night winds blows its folds aside,
Her face is full of pain.
The latest of her race, she takes
The Autumn's vacant throne:
She has but one short moon to live,
And she must live alone."

-  Richard Henry Stoddard -

November is the ninth month of the old Roman calendar. It takes its name from novem, the Latin word for nine. In today's Gregorian calendar, it is the 11th month of the year. November begins in western tropical astrology with the sun in the sign of Scorpio and ends in the sign of Sagittarius. Today, November is one of the four months of the year that has 30 days...although in days past, the month once had 29 and 31 days. In November the weather begins turning cold and daylight saving time ends.

This is the first month of Winter in the Celtic natural year. The Anglo-Saxon's called this month Blotmonath, which means sacrifice month. This was the month in which they slaughtered their animals for food for the upcoming winter -- and offered animal sacrifices to the gods to protect them throughout the bitter cold season. The Welsh called it Tachwedd (slaughter) and the Irish November was Samhain meaning end of summer. As part of the seasonal calendar, November is the time of the 'Snow Moon' according to Pagan beliefs and the period described as the 'Moon of the Falling Leaves'.

Personally, this is a time of reflection, a time to begin the journey inward, into ourselves. We have confronted our mortality at Samhain, and now we begin to examine what is important in our lives.  And, as Thanksgiving fast approaches, memories of what once was always cross my mind.  When I was a child, it was always a joyous time when the family got together, one of the few times the family got together.  The other was Christmas.  Mom would put the turkey in the oven early in the morn, and grandma would come and help her with all the trimmings. Grandpa and dad would sit in front of the old black and white, and I'd be sent outdoors so I wouldn't be underfoot.  I remember it was so much colder back then.  The trees were bare, the sky gray, and the first few snowflakes would fall from the sky. 

The two gems appropriate for November birthdays as the Topaz and Citrine.  Topaz can be found in many colors, but it is the orange topaz that is the traditional birthstone for November. The name topaz is derived from the Indian Sanskrit word tapas, meaning fire.  It releases tension and balances emotions. Topaz is a symbol of friendship. The name citrine is derived from the French word citron - lemon. Citrine is actually quartz crystal and is yellow to orange in color. It is often mistaken for the orange-yellow topaz which is the more expensive of the two birthstones.  Citrine is a  protective talisman that calms and soothes. Citrine is also said to help one connect with Spirit.

The chrysanthemum is the flower for the month of November. The word chrysanthemum comes from the Greek words chrysos  (gold) and anthhose (flower).  In the Black Forest region of Germany there is a Christian legend about  “The White Chrysanthemum”. One cold and snowy Christmas Eve, a peasant family was sitting down to a meager supper when  heard wailing outside their door . At first they thought perhaps it was the wind but after hearing the sound  repeatedly,  they opened their door to find a beggar standing at the door.  The poor man, who was blue and freezing with cold,  was  brought into their home, wrapped him in blankets, and shared with him their modest meal. To their amazement, the beggar shed his blanket and revealed he had shining white clothing and a halo around his head. e explained that he was the Christ child and left. The next morning, outside the door where he had stood, were two white chrysanthemums.  Even now, on Christmas Eve,  many Germans  bring white chrysanthemums into their homes in the belief they are sheltering the Christ Child.

"Have you ever noticed a tree standing naked against the sky,

How beautiful it is?

All its branches are outlined, and in its nakedness

There is a poem, there is a song.

Every leaf is gone and it is waiting for the spring.

When the spring comes,

it again fills the tree with

The music of many leaves,

Which in due season fall and are blown away.

And this is the way of life."

- Krishnamurti-

The Day After

For those who believe,
No proof is necessary.
For those who don't believe,
No proof is possible.

~ Author Unknown ~

Halloween has come and gone.  Yesterday was a good day.  No, it turned out to be a 'great' day. Actually, I was the only one in any kind of costume, but,  hey, I was happy, and it made the client's happy...and that's what matters. I believe that we 'never' have to give up the fun of childhood., that it can always be found within.  We didn't have the karaoke because my co-worker forgot to bring it, but we did have music so we made up a dance contest and had lots of laughter. 

As usual, no children came to the house.  Children here in the city don't go 'Trick or Treating' at night anymore.  Instead, they go out early afternoon and are snug in their homes before I get out of work.  And, they usually don't go to private houses, either, only the stores.  It breaks my heart that children today  cannot enjoy the childhood delights that we always took for granted.  The world was so much safer back then.

I'm kind of surprised at myself for having such a good time because I was pretty darned tired.  I'd spent most of the night tossing and turning.  We'd gone to look at the apartment one last time and decided it was too small, but he did have another apartment up on the 6th floor that was somewhat larger.  It had a great view.  Could actually see my beloved ocean from my kitchen window.  We decided we were going to accept it, and the super asked for $200 to hold it...because they had already made up the lease on the other apartment for us, and he wanted to make sure we were really intent on taking this one.  We didn't have that kind of money on us, and my bank was closed.  Hubby said he could get it from his account, and I asked the super to wait until the next day.

Seek always for the answers within.

Be not influenced by those around you -

by their thoughts or their words.

~ Eileen Caddy ~

The man was definitely pressuring us, and I didn't like it.  I guess my intuition was kicking in. This is a place that we were going to be locked into for two years.  When we left, we were pretty much sure we were going to take it, and all the way home, hubby and I talked about how 'it is the best deal we can make', 'it's such a great area'.  We even started making plans.  Then, when we went to bed, my mind started racing...'where am I to put this?' and 'how will are clothes all fit in such small closets?'  and 'there's absolutely no storage space, where do I put the Christmas stuff?' and 'what about the bedroom television?' Although the living room was larger and the kitchen had room for the table, the bedroom was smaller.  I tossed and I turned and kept trying to visualize the place when it was furnished...and  over and over again the same things kept popping up.  Where do I put everything?  Suddenly, hubby said, "I think it's too small.  I don't think we should take it."

And I realized then that his mind had been racing just as mine had been, and we decided at 2:30 am that we weren't going to take it.  It's the perfect place for one person, but not for two.  We called the super today to tell him our decision, and I am sure he 'never' wants to hear from us again.  But, the way I look at it is, if you're not lying there awake for joy over something, but instead suffering angst and ruminating about you'll be able to manage things, then it is definitely not for you.  

I just know that the right place is out there waiting for me.  I just have to be patient.  When the time is right, it will be there for me. 


So, tell me about your Halloween/Samhain.  I wasn't able to do much.  My house is in such a disarray right now.  But, just before bed, I dimmed the lights, lit a few candles, and asked my ancestors to show me the way.

The Veil Is Getting Thin

As I went out walking this fall afternoon,
I heard a whisper whispering.
I heard a whisper whispering,
Upon this fine fall day...
As I went out walking this fall afternoon,
I heard a laugh a'laughing.
I heard a laugh a'laughing,
Upon this fine fall day...
I heard this whisper and I wondered,
I heard this laugh and then I knew.
The time is getting near my friends,
The time that I hold dear my friends,
The veil is getting thin my friends,
And strange things will pass through.

--Unknown--

Blessed Samhain.  Happy Halloween.   The day is finally here, and I am loving it.  I found myself a long black wig, streaked with orange, over the weekend, and here I sit at my computer anxious for the festivities to begin.  There's candy bags to handed out to the clients and karaoke waiting to be sung...and tonight some horror flicks just aching to be watched.  Don't you just love this day?

Happy Halloween to all.

On All Souls' Eve

Oh, the garden ways are lonely!
Winds that bluster, winds that
shout,
Battle with the strong laburnum,
Toss the sad brown leaves about.
In the gay herbaceous border,
Now a scene of wild disorder,
The last dear hollyhock has flamed his
crimson glory out.

Yet, upon this night of longing,
Souls are all abroad, they say.
Will they come, the dazzling blossoms,
That were here but yesterday?
Will the ghosts of radiant roses
And my sheltered lily-closes
Hold once more their shattered fragrance
now November's on her way?

Wallflowers, surely you'll remember,
Pinks, recall it, will you not?
How I loved and watched and tended,
Made this ground a hallowed spot:
Pansies, with the soft meek faces,
Harebells, with a thousand graces:
Dear dead loves, I wait and listen. Tell
me, have you quite forgot?

Hush! They come! For down the path-
way
Steals a fragrance honey-sweet.
Larkspurs, lilies, stocks, and roses,
Hasten now my heart to greet.
Stay, oh, stay! My hands would hold
you . . .
But the arms that would enfold you
Crush the bush of lad's love growing in
the dusk beside my feet. 

--Fay Inchfawn--

Weekend is here, so last night I stopped being such a chicken and the landlady and tell her about the key before these guys show up at my door.  I know that is what she would have done if I didn't  respond.   Besides, from 8:30  to 8:50 I had two long-winded voicemail from her.  I had just gotten home from work at 8 pm.  Now, to me, that's harassment.  She didn't take it easy and kept trying to sway me and finally I had to say, "Listen, you are not the one who has to live here.  Right now we have some peace.  I don't want that disrupted for the short time I will be here.  Your guys have access anytime they want.  They just have to ring the bell."   Her response was, not in an unpleasant manner and directed at me,
"It's my house and they have to understand, I can give my keys to anyone I want.  I'm calling their lawyer tomorrow and putting a stop to this."  Then she went on and on about how she's not going to be pushed around by them, and she is going to show them that she means business.

On another note, they approved us for the apartment and are already making up the lease..  Unfortunately, it is the apartment that is too small.  I'm not giving up on it yet, though.  We're going to go take another look at it on Saturday and see if there is a way to fit the table and the china closet in.  It's a good feeling knowing that I have a place to go.  Don't know if we are going to take it yet, but at least now I know I can pass a credit check. 

Wishing you all a great weekend.  Have fun and get some rest. And thanks for being there for me.  Means more than you know.

This is Only a Test

If your teeth are clenched and your fists are clenched, your lifespan is probably clenched.  

--Terri Guillemets--

I hope that is all it is.  I've really been trying hard to keep a stiff upper lip, but I have to tell you, life has not  been easy lately.  I am trying to focus on Halloween, my favorite time of the year just to keep myself from screaming.  Hmmm!!!  Actually, maybe a good scream might do me some good about now.  But it just isn't easy.  I can't seem to find the fun anymore.

Too begin with, I just can't seem to keep up at my job, and perfectionist that I am, it's really getting to me.  When we made our move to the new office, we lost a few clients and our census went really low.  When the census goes low, we are in danger of losing our grant, hence a few workers, if not the program itself.  Fortunately, the building we moved in also houses our new 200 bed shelter so intakes have been coming in hot and heavy.  I've had 7 within the past two weeks, and have 3 more scheduled next week.  Actually, I am booked until mid-November so you can imagine how it feels to see no relief in sight.   

Each intakes involves quite a bit of paperwork, including a 19 page psychosocial.   One problem is that we are short of workers right now.  One of my co-workers has been out on sick leave...just had her colon removed.  And then, they let another one go on vacation for two weeks at the same time.  They take the nurse's caseload away and divvy it up between the rest of us so she can run more groups, but the fact is, the assign US more groups as well, so it's not as if this takes any of the load off us.  Oh, did I mention that, at this point, all these new clients are going to only three of us.

I was just telling hubby the other day that, no matter how miserable this job may be and how overworked I am, I am actually 'blessed' to have a job what with all the places closing up.  I happened to run into a co-worker from the last place I worked, and he was telling me how badly they were doing there and expressed fears of being out of a job.  This is happening all over the city.  My agency is in no danger, however, as we work very close with the mayor's office and the city, and they actually beg us to take over shelters that are failing to get them back on their feet again.

And then, there is my crazy landlady to contend with.  I've finally got to admit it, the woman is off the wall.  I'm tired of being put into the middle of things.  We're tenants, that's all.  I just want some peace in my life for the short time I am there.  Now she is calling, or should I say harassing since I do get a number of phone calls daily.  To make a long story short, there are two  storage rooms in the basement.  One belongs to my landlady and the other to the co-owner.  My landlady's storage unit was 'supposed' to be for me, but I never got to use it.  Well, it seems that the son who was blasting the D.J. equipment downstairs had busted her lock and set up his D. J. equipment in there.  

What she wants is for me to make a key to the front door (not our apartment) for her uncle and a friend of hers so they can come in and place a lock on her storage room.  The guy upstairs, her cousin) told us in no uncertain terms that if she asks for a key we shouldn't do it.  He said that all they had to do was ring his bell and he will let them in.  He's right, too.  These men are strangers and with a key, they can wander in and out of the house at will.  Personally, I don't feel comfortable with that.  But then, she does own the house and has the right to give a key to anyone she wishes.  And that's where my dilemma comes in.  If I give the key I run the risk of alienating the two sons who now have been very supportive of us...even the one with the D.J. equipment.  They realize that once we go, she's coming back, and they don't want that, so they are on their best behavior to keep us.

Besides, like I said, I don't like these men coming in and out, either.  And then, if I refuse to make the key and give it to them, she can get real mean and give us a short deadline to move out, but I know she just can't put us on the street.  She has to go to court first.  Then, I thought about her giving us a bad housing reference, but that's absurd  as well.  Why would she keep us for 15 years if we were such bad tenants?  It's just that I don't want to go through all the hassle of court or clearing my name, so I didn't pick up the phone last night, just listened to her voice mails (There were three of them and that's harassment).  And, I have to deal with this after busting my butt at work all day.  I broke down in tears last night the third time my phone rang.  I really don't know how to handle this.  Again, I am in the middle.  If I give the key, the brothers can make my life miserable; if I don't, she can.  I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.  Need some advise from you guys and gals on this one.

On the housing front, we went to look at a place last night.  I loved the neighborhood.  It's close to transportation, stores, etc.  The place had such a good aura about it. The super was so great he actually set a lower price for the apartment.  I was giddy about it, and left with such a sense of fulfillment.  Then reality set in.  The place is way too small.   My son will be moving to Connecticut so that's not the problem.  The rooms were basically too small for my furniture, and I cannot afford to by new.   So, the search is on...and meanwhile I am forced to deal with the unnecessary stress of being the middle man of a feuding family.  

The following is a great definition of a difficult person and most fit my landlady to a tee.  I think we all can identify people like this.   A difficult person is one who:

Makes us lose our cool
Forces us to do things we don't want to do
Prevents us from doing what we want or need to do
Uses coercion or manipulation to get their way
Makes us feel guilty if we don't "go along"
Makes us do their share of the work. 

Basically, a difficult person, in short, is someone who creates difficulties for others.


Thanks for listening to me today. So sorry for complaining so much when all of you are trying to enjoy your Halloween.  I'm trying to, believe me I am. Being pulled by too many forces at once...both at home and at work.  And I am tired, just so tired.  Better days are coming.  I know.  I've been through hard times before only to find better times waiting on the other side. 


* Re: the furniture.  If it were furniture I could get rid of, I would gladly do it, but it's my kitchen table and a china closet that means the world to me.  The kitchen is too small for either and there is no room in the living room to have both the table and a sofa.  

Christmas in October

Well, it's that time again...my annual Christmas in October rant.   And this year it's even a little earlier...because this year Christmas has come even earlier.   One day, about a week ago, I was shopping at the CVS near my job when I happened upon the perfect wig for Halloween.  I always do a little something special at work and this metallic blue waist-length wig I found would go perfect with my witch's hat.  I didn't have the money then, and since there actually was quite a few of them,  I figured I'd pick it up at a later date.   To my shock, yesterday, the Halloween stuff was nearly gone.  Not only were the stock clerks putting away the Halloween stuff, they were putting out Christmas candy. Can you imagine?  Kiddies come to your home for 'Trick or Treat' and walk away with red and green candy kisses.

Oh, where does it end. Halloween hasn't even passed yet, and already the are starting to display all kind of Christmas goods. Are they for real? How can we possibly be in the mood for Christmas if we are still planning our Halloween parties with pumpkins, ghosts, witches and spooky items? I don't know about you, but time is already passing far too quickly. Why make it go any faster?

In my world, Halloween is a day all its own, and Christmas doesn't come until  after Thanksgiving. I remember my childhood excitement when, the day after Thanksgiving, the holiday season began.  Shopping started in earnest with trips to the mall in December, shops were full of happy people humming their favorite carols while we children would rush about looking for presents to buy for Mom and Dad with our saved up allowance.  Our tree only went up the day before,  and  mom and dad  spent Christmas Eve decorating it while I was snug in my bed...or so they thought.  Presents they had sneakily wrapped and hidden were  popped under the tree and that great air of great excitement on Christmas morn. 

But, that was then and this is now.  Commercialization! Can't fight it.  Much as we may not like it, it's here to stay.  Perhaps if all of us shoppers stood our ground and refused to buy Christmas before Halloween, things would change.  Maybe they will. And, as for Halloween this year, I can always go dressed as Santa.