Appreciating the Small Things in Life

Well, I made it through my first day back at work; it was much as I had expected....a pile of paperwork in my mailbox and a long line of clients who had waited a week to talk to 'their' counselor.  My co-workers all seemed genuinely glad to see me, and all agreed that the changes I had made took ten years off my appearance.  I don't believe I had mentioned, but I'd changed my hair color from a medium blond that was giving me a washed out look to a dark blond that seems to give my face a natural glow.  I also chopped two inches of dry, brittle ends off.  That sure made me feel good.


There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.--Author Unknown


But all was not so sunny on my return.  Sadly, I learned that we lost a client last week.  Clients have passed away before, and it always hurts so deeply when you learn that someone you have worked with is gone, but almost all of the clients I have lost were those who had chosen to give up their recovery and return into the world of drugs. This man, however, was doing everything right. He had almost a year alcohol/drug free and was scheduled to speak at the graduation ceremony this Friday; after living in the shelter system for most of his adult years, he finally had obtained and was maintaining his own studio apartment; he had found a girlfriend and was so happily in love, and was actually thinking of returning to the workforce...all this after over 20 years of getting high and living on the streets. In fact, he'd done such a complete turnaround in his life that he had been approached to do a documentary on his life.  He went to sleep last Friday and never woke up.

Whenever you lose someone by death, it makes you appreciate life so much more. You begin to look at your life through a new set of eyes and see the quality of what life has to offer. It makes become more appreciative of things, of life, to become humble and not take anything for granted.  For example, sunshine is is a precious gift; it brings us a feeling of joy and warms our spirits on days when we are feeling low, but it is all too easy to not appreciate those sunny days in our lives.

This past weekend when I went out into the backyard to hang my clothes, my neighbor was mowing her lawn. I love the scent of freshly mowed grass, but do really really think about nature's miracle?  Grass in itself is a gift, a miracle. First, it grows from a tiny seed into a luscious green carpeting growth which we mow because we like it to be a certain height..Then, nature takes over and the grass once again grows to new heights, and the cycle continues, reminding us of the cycle of life. Waking up in the morning and being thankful for another day is such an awesome experience in itself for with each new day we have the ability to meet new goals and succeed in ways we have never imagined. 

Life moves too quickly. We often look up and wonder where did it all go?   The little things in life...they are so precious because we never get them back. These are the moments that we need to enjoy and appreciate....because all too soon they, too, will become distant memories.  Those flowers in your yard....take the time to smell them...breathe deeply...take it all in. Because we may never get the chance again.


While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. --John Taylor

The Gladness of Nature

Doesn’t time just seem to fly by when you’re having fun?  Yes, my vacation is over...and far too soon.  And just when I was getting used to sleeping in, I once again have to get used to that irritating ring of my alarm clock.... 

...Ironically, though, when you are seated at that dentist's office and listening to the sound of the drill, your tummy tied in knots and just wanting to 'get it over with', time appears to be crawling along.  But that is the nature of life. Some days appear to drag while other days seem to whiz right on by us in a flash....and we are left wondering where all the time all went.  

Was I feeling sad this morning when I got up?  Most definitely.  Am I letting it get me down?  Nah, doesn't do any good.  Only serves to make you miserable...a gosh knows, there are far too many miserable people in this world.  Gosh, forget I said that.  Nothing negative today going to come out of this mouth today.  In fact, I'm going to make it a point to find something positive in everything. For example, I may not like my job, but it pays my rent and puts food on the table....and, I am blessed to working while so many are not. So, today I am going to turn over a new leaf.  I am going to make it my business to spread joy in the world.  Mother Nature knows....  

Is this a time to be cloudy and sad,
When our Mother Nature laughs around;
When even the deep blue heavens look glad,
And gladness breathes from the blossoming ground? 

There are notes of joy from the hang-bird and wren,
And the gossip of swallows through all the sky;
The ground-squirrel gaily chirps by his den,
And the wilding bee hums merrily by. 

The clouds are at play in the azure space,
And their shadows at play on the bright green vale,
And here they stretch to the frolic chase,
And there they roll on the easy gale. 

There's a dance of leaves in that aspen bower,
There's a titter of winds in that beechen tree,
There's a smile on the fruit, and a smile on the flower,
And a laugh from the brook that runs to the sea. 

And look at the broad-faced sun, how he smiles
On the dewy earth that smiles in his ray,
On the leaping waters and gay young isles;
Ay, look, and he'll smile thy gloom away. 

 --William Cullen Bryant--

Thank You, Mother Moon

"There is magic in long-distance friendships.  They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound."--Diana Cortes

 When the doorbell rang yesterday, it couldn't have happened at a better time. I was feeling a down and out...and tired from sorting through our clothing, packing, unpacking, and washing. My vacation is almost over and the sense of dread has begun. Actually, hubby told me I should be taking advantage of some much-needed rest during these last few days, but do I listen?  So, when the doorbell rang, I was in the midst of sorting fall clothes piled sky-high on my bed and automatically assumed that it was someone who had the wrong address, but instead, it turned out to be a most pleasant surprise.  I'd recently won the giveaway over at Mother Moon's Message and was not expecting it to arrive so quickly, especially on a Saturday.  Around my neighborhood, today is the Sabbath, and usually nothing is delivered today.  Right about now, I am really wishing that I had a camera so I could share this wonderful gift with all of you, but alas, Son tried to get over buying a cheap, used camera not too long ago, and guess what...it didn't work...but,  because he bought it used, as is, no return. I try not to think of it as a mistake, but as a lesson learned for I know he won't do it again.

Well, the package included the book, Eat, Pray, and Love, which I cannot wait to begin reading, a jar of her delicious peach jam, vanilla sugar (Mmmm), a lovely cup with some great tasting teas (perfect for an evening with a favorite book), a 2011 daily dose of Irish quotes, history, and traditions, a beaded necklass, a scented candle, a fancy little notebook for jotting down the ideas that come to my head on the subway, and some chocolates.  Gave me a new incentive to finish with my work so I can take a shower and climb into my bed with my new book and chocolates....and what a relaxing time I had. It was such a special gift which has touched me more than anyone knows.  Thank you, Mother Moon.  What a special woman you are!  All of you are special to me...my online friends.

As I've grown older, my life has gotten more solitary.  I've realized that all too often in the past I have chosen the wrong people to call my friends; sometimes, those you consider your most 'personal' friends turn out to be not so 'real' after all.  When I think about, perhaps the only real friendship I've had in my life was my friend Kathleen, and that has been over now for about 50 years.  Imagine that, 50 years without a solid friendship...acquaintances, I've had many, but true friends are rare. Just what is a true friend, and do internet friends count?  I believe they do.

Friendship is defined as a friendly relationship or "the mutually cooperative and supportive behavior between two or more people".  Nowhere have I found it stated that for a friendship to be real it must have been at first initiated in person through either some sort of social function, school or work related activity, or random meeting. So based on the definition, yes, internet friends can definitely be real friends.

To me, getting to know someone is about so much more that just their 'physical' being; it goes far deeper than that. To me, a friend is someone that is there for you; I believe that all of you fit into that category. I also believe that a friend is someone that you can share aspects of your life with.  My internet friends know more about me than those people who I have known for years. It is about becoming familiar with who this person is, what makes them tick, where they've come from, and where they're going. Communication is the key.  

The truth is, friendships can take any form. For some people, they may need a person who they can see and touch, while for others, it may be someone who can listen and give advice. For me, it's a friendship with another similar minded person. One who shares similar goals and values and doesn't mind the fact that her best friend can't reach out and touch her hand, but knows that she will always be there to touch her life and mend her heart. That sounds to me like you...each and every one of you.  Thanks for being my friends.


"But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely.  Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."--Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

We Remember

Forever lost, Forever Remembered September 11, 2001

If I Knew

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
And pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
That I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
And call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
So I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
To stop and say "I love you,"
Instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
So I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
To make up for an oversight,
And we always get a second chance
To make everything just right.

There will always be another day
To say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
To say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
And today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
And I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
Young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
You get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
Why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
You'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
For a smile, a hug, or a kiss
And you were too busy to grant someone,
What turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
And whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
And that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
You'll have no regrets about today.

--Norma Cornett Marek, 1989--

Backstabbers...a Bit of a Rant...Sorry

Got back from my walk yesterday and laid down for most of the afternoon. (Chuckle)  How long it has been since I had any meaningful exercise! I felt good though.  Now, if I can just find a way to fit more walks into my schedule. Actually, I am planning another walk today...albeit a shorter one.  I forgot a few items yesterday, and was going to ask my son to go to CVS for me, but heck, it's another lovely day, so why not go myself. 

As I was lying in bed, I was thinking that my vacation is almost over , and  I don't WANT to go back to work.  I REALLY do not want to go back, and that is so sad because there was a time when I used to look forward to going back after vacation.  Don't give me wrong, I love my clients and absolutely LOVE what I do, but some of the policies at the workplace are not conducive to client nor staff and create an atmosphere where clients feel that THEY are in control of staff, a lack of boundaries which makes it difficult to accomplish any meaningful goals.  But, it is more than that; my son actually brought it to light yesterday when he spoke to me about his own job.


He's back from his trip to Michigan, and last night was his first day back to work.  Like me, this was a place he really loved working and never missed a day in three years...quite an accomplishment, but it seems that once his supervisor left, things there have been changing, and he was really dreading his return.  "Mommy," he said, "they're such backstabbers.  They smile in your face and talk rubbish about you behind your back."  And there it was in a nutshell...backstabbers, gossipers..."If they are gossiping about everyone else, what must they be saying about me?"  That is something I've thought to myself many times.  Why is it like that?  And are all offices like that, or do I just happen to choose those offices where jealousies and office gossip run rampant?  

(What they do!)
(They smile in your face)
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)
(They smile in your face)
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)

Backstabbing has many levels, all the way from kids on the playground  to those who work at the corporate level where virtual backstabbing is almost as much of a fine art as plunging a real knife in the back of an unsuspecting co-worker.  In fact, backstabbing at the office is a real issue nowadays and happens more often than not.  Oh, there was always the gossiper at work, but now it seems like EVERYONE gets involved.  Myself, I choose to stay away from it as much as possible; in fact, I usually have my lunch at my desk, and if pressured to go to the lunchroom, I make up a story that I am waiting for an important phone call from hubby or my son, and since they all know I don't have a cell phone, it usually works....and it's not a lie, altogether.  Actually, I never know when one of them might call.  It's just so much more relaxing to put my headphones on and listen to some Celtic music than hearing six grown women gang up on one unsuspecting co-worker. But sometimes, it can be so hard to avoid.  Take the following, for example.

I get up to go to the ladies' room.  As I pass the nurse's door, she sees me and calls me in.  Now, I respond only because she is the nurse, and it could be work related, having something to do with one of my clients, but then she smiles and says, "Close the door", and immediately I know what is coming...."have you heard what so and so did?" and proceed to tell me all about something that is none of my business knowing...and it is not just her.  On Thursdays, a co-worker and I leave work at the same time, and both head to Brooklyn.  She is pretty easy to handle, though; as soon as she starts, I change the subject, and she gets the picture. Even my bosses have been known to participate in the office chatter.

I am tired of being asked, "She took off again?  Why?"  How do I know.  I am not my office mate's keeper....or, "He is late all the time, and nothing is ever done about it."  Yes, it irks me, too, but it doesn't help to gossip about it.  "She's going on another vacation?  How many vacations does she get a year?"  The same as you and I...only difference is, she takes them, we don't 

Unfortunately, gossip always has been and always will be a part of office life. It is only natural what we humans take an interest in one another; it is a part of human nature. Gossip is only harmful when friendly interest becomes nasty, intrusive, malicious and speculative, and there are many reasons why people gossip. Some people enjoy the attention that being constantly “in the know” brings them (the nurse) while others revel in the pleasure that having the latest juicy morsel brings them. Some people do not mean to gossip, they just get caught up in it (our office manager).  Some gossipers are verbal bullies (my office mate) while some gossip just because everyone else gossips about them (my subway companion).

Like I said, I know if they are talking about everyone else, they MUST be talking about me as well...so what I do with office gossip is to ignore it.  I don't get involved unless I am cornered, and when I am, I do my best to change the subject...thereby alerting them that I don't want to hear it. If they persist, I just excuse myself and tell them I am overwhelmed with work and must get on with it. No one at work knows any of my personal business, so there is nothing for them to take and run with.  I don't socialize outside of office hours.  Office gossip is something that cannot be eliminated, and I try hard not to let it make me feel uncomfortable, but I know how my son is feeling right know.  It makes you not want to go back, but the fact is, it's a part of life, and one we have to live with whether we want to or not.  We just have to avoid and ignore it.

I wish they'd take some of these knives off my back
(They smile in your face)
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)
Low down... dirty...
(What they do!)
(They smile in your face)
Smiling faces... smiling faces sometimes tell lies (Back stabbers)
(They smile in your face)
I don't need... low down, dirty bastards (Back stabbers)

A beautiful Day

A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them.--Leonard Louis Levinson

Wow, it sure is going to be hard going back to work.  I am really getting used to this...doing as I please, when I please...napping whenever I feel like it, lying around, reading.  Some people love to pack up and go places.  Not me.  I love to stay in the comfort of my own home. It wasn't always this way. At one time, I used to love getting away, but now I am older, and years of full-time work is taking its toll.  Why, in the old days, I'd be able to retire, but not now.  Heck, the way prices are skyrocketing, I have to wonder if I ever can retire.


Did something a little different today.  My son got back from Michigan sometime late during the night, and because he is sleeping in, there went my early access to the computer.  So I got dressed and went for a walk...a long walk, actually.  I had a package to mail at the post office, and that is a whole subway stop away, but rather hot on the train, I figured I needed the exercise.  In fact, I am trying to push myself more and more into doing things.  This weight really causes my knees to ache and sometimes even makes me short of breath.  


It is an incredibly beautiful day...the temperature is in the low 70's, and a fresh, crisp breeze.  One of those perfect days that has been a long time getting here. I loved it; actually, I loved it so much I decided to walk back home as well, but by the time I got to the park a few blocks from my home, my knees had started, and I had to stop to rest...and I am glad I did. It was really nice being out in the fresh air; the birds were singing, and the park was relatively quiet.  Off in the distance, the storm clouds were gathering, but right above me, the sky was blue and the clouds white and fluffy...perfect for cloud watching.

Clouds...so soft, white, and puffy, seemingly so far away. There is something about them that brings one such a sense of peace and serenity as they move effortlessly across the sky, providing us us with a whole realm of images....hearts, faces, a little puppy dog with fluffy white ears. Sometimes you have to look at very closely them and try to convince yourself that you are seeing what you want to see while others jump right out at you leaving you with no doubt of what you are seeing.  When I was a child, my friend, Kathleen, and I would lie in the grass and stare up at the sky for hours, making  up stories about the clouds that passed over  by and dissipated before our eyes or changed into something entirely new.  Ah, the sense of childhood wonder!!!! Where had it gone?  Why do we let it slip away?

For me, I sometimes stop to look up at the sky as I reflect on my thoughts after a busy day at work. I don't do it often, but sometimes after I get off the subway, a cloud shape in the sky will capture my attention and stop me in my tracks; once in a hurry to get home, I take a few moments to marvel at the beauty so many miles above me, those wonderful marvelous clouds, and although I may not see a fluffy white bunny anymore, my cares and worries simply seem to float away. What a wonderful universe!


Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars... and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful.  Everything is simply happy.  Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance.  Look at the flowers - for no reason.  It is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are.  ~Osho

Autumn Musings

"September days have the warmth of summer in their briefer hours, but in their lengthening evenings a prophetic breath of autumn.  The cricket chirps in the noontide, making the most of what remains of his brief life.  The bumblebee is busy among the clover blossoms of the aftermath, and their shrill and dreamy hum hold the outdoor world above the voices of the song birds, now silent or departed.-- From "September Days"  By Rowland E. Robinson,   

Yesterday, I had the most magnificent day.  I sorted through some clothes, straightened out my underwear drawer got rid of the old and put the new items in; once finished, I ordered myself a Chinese feast for lunch. Now, you have to spend $8 for delivery, so I added on a pepsi and some apple strips. I knew it was kind of steamy outdoors, but under the fans and 'in the raw', I felt quite comfortable. After lunch, it was off to the bed to relax and read the new Woman's Day and Family Circle I had bought...just for this occasion.

And as I read the autumn issues, I found myself getting more and more excited as I thought about the many different foods I will be able to add to our menu...once it is cool enough to use the oven again.  In summer, cooking becomes such drudgery; it seems like it is the same foods over and over again.  I hate to cook, but when you can do something different rather than the same old over and over again, and I have gotten so many wonderful recipes to try from your blogs, I cannot wait.  Who knows, you may even find me baking again.  

Yes, it seems like every year Autumn is my new birth; it brings new life into me and makes me feel like there is nothing I cannot do. The cool air is just so cleansing... the wind sweeping through the trees...the brilliance of red, orange, yellow, and green leaves on the trees and the red/orange sunsets reawaken the senses like nothing other.  Everything seems so refreshing as the scorching summer heat fades into the crispness of an autumn morn. It's ironic, each year I find myself anxiously awaiting the summer's warmth, and then, once it is here, I dream about the coming of the season of darkness....waiting for it to come once more.

I love wearing the autumn colors...the browns, the reds, the golds...earthy colors. It's time to transition into long pants and skirts...and Autumn fashion is at its best when accessorized with a scarf....cool enough for layers yet still warm enough for no heavy coat and boots...apple cider, hot chocolate tops with mini marshmallows.  I think the only part of autumn that I dislike is the children returning to school.  Gone will be the quiet mornings on the train, so en rapt in my book that sometimes I almost miss my stop; it its place will be the shrill, screaming voices of the teenagers who appear to make noise just for the sake of disturbing the other riders.  I will be lucky enough to get a seat, let alone read my book. (I love kids, but some New York City teenagers can be pretty obnoxious).

But, all and all, autumn is a special season...that in-betwixt stage between the light and the dark...a season of transition from the broiling temperatures to the icy winds, a season of preparation as the earth hasten's toward its winter's rest...winter with its beautiful snow covered landscapes, and eventually Spring makes its grand entrance with the weather warming up and the rebirth of nature's beauty. Summer marches in next, with gorgeous weather, outdoor activities with family and friends,  and finally, not to be outdone, Autumn waltzes in with its fiery explosion of color and harvest festivals ...the most beautiful time of the year...and as the earth settles down to rest, we humans come alive.

"Come said the wind to
the leaves one day,
Come o're the meadows
and we will play.
Put on your dresses
scarlet and gold,
For summer is gone
and the days grow cold."
-  A Children's Song of the 1880's