Good afternoon, my lovely blog friends. Tis a grand day, indeed! Going up close to 90 degrees today...a little too soon for summer if you ask me, but it is better than all of that snow and ice we had not too long ago. Something happened yesterday that made me realize that as strong as we think ourselves to be, that hurt little child still resides within us. I'd spent years battling my demons and facing my shadow and thought I had finally gotten it all together, but all it takes is one little thing..something so insignificant that I even hesitated on sharing it with you...to catch a glimpse of that wounded little girl I once was.
You, my blog friends, are so very, very special to me. I am so lucky to have you all. I look forward to visiting you and have you visit me every day. So, hopefully you will not think me too silly. Someone left my blog yesterday...not just one blog...four blogs were minus one member...and immediately my inner child began telling me "They don't like you." See, didn't I tell you it was silly? I'm blessed to have so many of you wonderful people in my life, so why should something like that make the tears well in my eyes? It actually had nothing to do with one person leaving my blog. It was the feelings it brought up of that little girl who wanted so desperately to fit in.
"Life is an eternal dance. The movements of the dance are choreographed through your awareness. Every movement is part of the dance; therefore, every space time even is necessary and meaningful . It is the order within the chaos."--Deepak Chopra
Now, most of you who have been following me know, I was one of the original latchkey kids. Back in the 50's it was almost unheard of, but my parents both worked, so from a very young age I was coming home from school and facing an empty house. But, it wasn't only after school; it was mornings, too. They both had to head out to their respective jobs before I left for school, so mom would lay out my clothes and fix me a bowl of cereal, and then it was up to me to get myself ready and out the door. Well, you all know how we little girls loved to play dress up; imagine playing dress up and going to school like that. I'd go through my mom's costume jewelry and put one of her skirts on...all rolled up. As I think back on it now, I can see why the kids all laughed at me. I went to school looking like a clown.
Now, it wasn't always that way. There was a time that I fit in...but that was before my cousin began attending our school. Before then, the kids didn't know about my dad, but he came in and told everyone. That's when I became the 'different' kid, the one who's dad hang out in the bars at night...the one who's dad was arrested for disorderly conduct. So, it was then that I became this desperate little girl who only wanted the other kids to like and accept her. The teasing stopped when I got to high school, but that was when the punishment began; I was constantly being grounded and not being allowed to participate in any school activities. So, I began cutting classes...just to have some times with friends...only my choice of friends is another story altogether.
So, back to the present. I don't what it was that triggered my reaction to that person yesterday. To be honest, I don't even know who it was...and it definitely WAS silly to get upset over it. But it definitely not the 'adult' me who was upset...Actually, I don't even think my emotional reaction had anything to do with someone deciding to leave my blog. We all know that people come and go every day. Some people are meant to remain in our lives; others are not. And, just as we have multiple people in our lives, we all have multiple aspects of self, and each aspect is an intricate aspect of our being. Unlike those individuals who come and go in our lives, we cannot be whole without all aspects of self. The inner child remains with us for all our lives; the child is always in the adult. It is our emotional self. It is where our feelings live. Whenever we experience joy, sadness, fear, or affection it is our child within. It is an aspect of each of us that is child-like...spontaneous, playful, innocent. It is delicate, vulnerable, non-judgmental.
Today I woke up and realized that I had forgotten about my inner child. That 'fun' part of my life has been missing. And although there has been so much joy around me, I have been too blind to see. My inner child has been reaching out to me in many ways, but I have brushed her aside. This was her way of reminding me that she is still there, that I should not forget about her...for wholeness comes from integrating all parts of self. Sadly, sometimes we need to face these painful moments in order to wake up and grow.
Thank you all for listening to my ramble. Sometimes I just don't know when to stop.
"And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all the mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."--1 Corinthians 13:2
Good morning. So far, it's a deary day here in Manhattan, but I am hoping for some sun. Last night I was reading some tales about the fall of Troy, and when I came to the story of Cassandra, it made me think of how many times in my own life I have relied my own intuition..and how many times others have brushed me off...and also how many times my intuition has guided me away from danger.
The prophetess Cassandra was a daughter of the royal family of Troy; she was Paris and Hector's sister and a twin to Helenus. It seems that when the twins were still babies, their parents took them to Apollo's temple to celebrate a festival, and during the ritual, the twins fell asleep; and when they did, two of the temple snakes slid into their basket and bit them...injecting the gift of prophecy.
Move forward now. Cassandra a young woman with the gift of sight enters the temple to serve Apollo as his Pythia, but the god falls in love with her and demands she reciprocate his desires. She refuses, preferring instead to worship the god in spirit. Apollo is enraged. How dare she turn him down!!! He is a god!!! He knows that he cannot take her gift of prophesy back, but he CAN make it so that no one will believe her prophesies. He asked her if she could please just let him have one kiss; Cassandra consented, and when she opened her mouth for the kiss, Apollo breathed his curse into her body. Thus, she was condemned to see the future, yet never be able to be understood or believed. So, although she foresaw the fall of Troy, no one believed her...and we all know how the story ended.
Cassandra is the personification of the woman whose intuitive faculties and understanding of unconscious patterns are not welcomed in today's rational society. She is greeted with disbelief and ignorance; she is often misunderstood and marginalized. Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever been in a situation where you have been ridiculed or demeaned because you were able to see what others are too fearful to see?
Cassandra is the archetype of medial knowledge; she reflects the importance of being aware of our skills and intuitive knowledge and strengthening our ability to use them rather than become overwhelmed by our gift. She embodies the ancient ways of knowing that our society no longer values. Many of us have a difficult time trusting our hunches, our intuitions, and some of us have become so distanced from our intuition that we attempt to shut off that quiet voice of knowing that resides within ourselves.
Our intuition is a part of our wholeness. It is one of the gifts each of us have been given to help us to navigate this life; it is not something that is chosen, but something we have been given, something that is buried deep inside of us all. Many of us haven't yet learned how to tap this inner source of wisdom, but with time and practice, we can all learn how to use our birth given gifts. Do you utilize your intuition? Is there one example that stands out over the rest?
Good morning on this lovely day, the day after Easter. I'm hoping that everyone had a great day yesterday...and that no one overdid the chocolate or woke up with a tummy ache. I have to say that this was my first Easter without a chocolate bunny or a Cadbury egg (love those yolks in the middle). But, I really do have to take some of these pounds off...not for vanity's sake, but for my health. I must have put on 25 or more pounds...maybe more...since I stopped smoking, and it really does affect me. I find myself getting short of breath whenever I climb stairs, and I just cannot move as fast as I used to. At first, I told myself I would only eat what I wanted until those first few days of nicotine withdrawal had passed, but that was nine months ago yesterday. What's my excuse now? So, as much as I wanted to give in, as much as I yearned, I had a low calorie chocolate pudding to satisfy that urge.
Moderation is really something I have never learned. I stopped smoking and began eating...and eating...and didn't care that I was ballooning out because I was satisfying that urge; I wanted that gratification. I have been told that I have what they call an 'addictive personality'. I know that is true. There was a time it was nail polish. I bought and bought, but never used. It was the thrill of 'buying' it that got to me. There was also a time I drank 20 cups of coffee a day...way too much. Then there was alcohol, cigarettes, lipstick, even now with my books. Perhaps this all stems from being the child of an alcoholic father; I don't know. Moderation has never been one of my keywords. It is my yet. It is something I still need to learn...and right about now, I feel I am on the right track. I fought the battle yesterday and won. To me, it was a major win on my part for Easter has always been a 'chocolate' day for me.
We should never kid ourselves into thinking we know it all. Life and learning are both processes. Learning never ends, and there will always be lessons to learn. Continuous learning is one of the ways in which we stay young. It adds balance to the knowledge and skills we have already mastered. It opens doors to new humility.
Good afternoon. What a gorgeous day!!! Did my food shopping early this morning...and really took my time on the walk to the store. Couldn't take my time going home because it's a race to beat my delivery man...I don't want to complain, though. It's nice to have my groceries beat me home. Too bad I have to spend the rest of the day cooking. Oh, well. I will have the next two weeks free so the benefits average out.
I was feeling a bit melancholy this morning. Stems from yesterdays post. Not that I want to be young again; I am truly happy where I am, but I miss my family. No matter what, they were my mom and dad, and I miss them. And my grandparents, those special people who gave me such joy as a child. I haven't been talking to them much lately, and maybe this sadness is telling me that an ancestor ritual is in order.
"The universe is made or stories, not of atoms."--Muriel Rukeyser
Speaking of ancestors, I had a very interesting group yesterday and was pleasantly surprised at my clients' participation. Friday's is usually a blah day as far as the clients go. They'll usually make one group and head out...unlike Wednesday when I have to refuse people due to the 15 member limit. So, on Friday's I usually bring in a little quote, something to initiate conversation. Yesterday's quote was:
"I am special, and my life, my story, is a necessary part of the universe. That I am here by design means I am watched over."
I specifically chose the above quote because many of my clients have been so beaten down, that they have to be reminded that they are special and that we should never forget our value to the planet; that it is our stories which give the universe depth, vibrancy, and meaning. And many of my clients were able to touch upon how their lives or the lives of others around them, have touched upon others. For example, an ex-heroin addict who spent most of his adult life in prison was able to look within and realize that there was some good that he had done in his life, that if he hadn't been born, his four children and all of his grandchildren would never have been gifted with life.
And I sat there listening to them...one by one...I began thinking about the universe and how one person's life, one person's story can touch generations to come. I thought of my second great grandfather, Richard, and how mournful I had been when I first discovered that he died at age 21, leaving behind a young wife and 3 month old baby...my great grandmother. But it was his death that brought ME to life; his wife remarried and with her new husband and my great grandma, left Norfolk, England for good, the only member of her family to do so, and traveled to America. Had Richard not died when he did, my great grandmother most likely would never have been in that one place of the universe where she would meet my great grandfather.
Like my clients, I didn't grow up feeling valued by my family; I just existed and did what I had to do with little understanding of how I fit into the big picture of the universe. I had no understanding of how we fit into the big picture. But, I've learned that my story, our stories...our presence....have always been necessary to the life of the universe...for if my parents had not been who they were...I might never have been compelled to leave home when I did...and my two sons would not be here today. I would never have touched the lives of all of those that I do. Yes, I am special...just like everyone of you out there in the universe. We all have a story...and our story is what gives the universe life. So, take some time this weekend to think about your story...and the many lives that you have touched and will continue to touch for generations to come.
Hoping all of you who celebrate the holiday have a special one.
Good morning or by now, afternoon, everyone. Had to run a group and now can't get the post published. It's such a wonderful springlike Friday . Too nice to be indoors. I'm sitting here now listening to the birds singing a joyful tune, the trees across the street are beginning to bud, and with Easter on its way, I find myself reminded once again of days gone by...days that cannot be re-lived, but can be fondly remembered.
There are many things that were different with the celebration of Easter in the past. As a kid growing up in the 1950's, Easter was such a special time. My family was not terribly religious, but on on this day mom, dad, and myself all attended the Easter services at the Episcopal Church. When I was a kid, Easter was almost as fantastic for me as Christmas was. The preparations for Easter began weeks before as my mom searched for the perfect Easter dress and bonnet. There were also patent leather shoes to buy, and socks...and undies to match; oh, and I cannot forget the little purse. My outfits were generally in pretty pastel colors such as pink, mint green, lilac, or yellow. Everything had to match...from the top to the bottom. And, if Easter was early and cool, a new spring coat in pastel colors to match my dress was included. Some years, mom even had me don a pair gloves to match.
Then on Easter Sunday, I always arose early because I knew that the Easter Bunny had come in the dark of night and hidden eggs and a basket of jelly beans, chocolate bunnies, marshmallow peeps, and cream eggs...all nestled in plastic green grass. (Now that I am older, I sit back and wonder how I every believed the tale of the Easter Bunny delivering the eggs when "I" had helped my mom color them the day before) It was so much fun hunting for those treasures which could be found in various places throughout the house. I was allowed to taste my bunny, but then, it was time to get ready for the church service. But before going to church, there was the photo session in the front yard; I took great pride in posing for photos that should have been a lifetime of memories...but alas were all destroyed in a fire. Before leaving, my best friend, Kathleen, and I would meet to compare our Easter outfits.
Upon our arrival at church, I would join the other children for a special Sunday School lesson, and then would be allowed join my parents for the end of service...which, by the way, I never did pay much attention to. There was just far too much to see. The church was always decorated so beautifully, the flowers, the candles, and it was always special to see the men in the suits and the women in their bonnets. Back in those days, clothing was cut and dry. There was winter clothes and summer clothes and nothing in-between...you never wore white after Labor Day, etc....so this was actually the first of the pastel spring shades I would get to see. And after the service, it was on to grandma's for her traditional leg of lamb dinner with all the trimmings. Oh, my, if I close my eyes I can still picture those days.
When I had my own boys and they were still young, I tried desperately to hang on some of these traditions...the Easter suits, the colored eggs...hiding their their baskets. Why, I even broke down and took them to church...but it wasn't the same. No matter how hard I tried, I could not re-create what I had in my youth. Times change. Some things are welcome changes; others are hard to adjust to. There was no more leg of lamb. It's far too expensive nowadays. No more Easter outfits. The dress code has changed. Why, I've even seen girls walking to church on Easter Sunday in a pair of jeans. I don't know, call me old-fashioned, but I just accept that. I'm not a religious person; and it has been about 20 years since I went to church, but somehow, I still believe that Easter should remain a special day.
You know, I didn't start out today to talk about memories. It just happened. Hopefully, I didn't bore you. What about some of your memories? Do you remember when the stores used to close early on Good Friday? Stay closed all day on Sunday?
Good morning to all of you out there in Blogland. Wow, the sun is shining and the temperature is starting to warm up. It's such a beautiful day out there. Kind of day you want to spend some time outdoors, but actually, right about now I would be happy just to be able to climb into bed and pull the covers up over my head. Haven't had a wink of sleep. Yesterday as I was leaving for work, the men from Con Ed and Verizon were pulling up. Seems as if what was done Saturday was only a temporary fix. Now, they have to dig everything up and reinforce the wires. I know when I lived in the country, we had telephone poles and everything was up above; here, in the city, everything is below.
Well, to make a long story short, they worked throughout the night. It must have been pretty serious for as many years as I have lived in the city, I have never seen these crews work past 7 or 8 pm. I must have finally fallen asleep at about 4 am, thinking I could get about 4 hours of sleep. (Today is my late day). But, at 7 those big machines started again...and that was the end of it. I really wanted to stay home, but I had an important message for a client.
You know, in my 63 years I've accumulated a lot of useful and useless info which I'd like to pass on...if you don't mind. Serious stuff is just my cup of tea today. The following comes from years of watching the History Channel and Discovery. Did you know that....
On average, we Americans eat about 18 acres of pizza each day.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
90 percent of New York City cabdrivers are recently arrived immigrants. (I can vouch for this one although I can't remember the last time I took a cab. I think it's like $3 just to get in one these days...and that's not counting your trip.)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
It is physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. (I can just see you all trying it now).
Women blink almost twice as much as men do.
In ancient Egypt, the priests used to pluck every bit of hair from their bodies...including eyebrows and eyelashes.
A dentist invented the electric chair.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A snail can sleep for three years.
No word in the English language rhymes with "month". Can you think of one?
Almost everyone who read this has tried to lick their elbow. Come on, now...admit it. The temptation was just too great.
Happy April Fools Day to all.
Good morning to all you lovely people out there in Blogland. The rain has stopped and finally a glimpse of the sun. I heard on the news this morning that this has been the rainiest March in New York City history. So, today is the last day of March. Can you believe it? How fast time is flying by! Soon my eldest will be 34; it seems like yesterday that I was pushing him about in his carriage. Last night my son and I were talking, and I told him about his first day of school. I brought him to the classroom, and as I was about to leave, he threw himself into a major temper tantrum. It was awful. The teacher, who knew exactly how to handle it, told me, "Leave. Just leave. He will be okay." So, despite my trepidation, I left, and by the time I got out the front door and peeked into the window, he was sitting in his chair as calm as could be.
"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year." Mark Twain
So, tomorrow is April Fools' Day. Last year I walked into my bosses office and told him "I quit". If you could have seen the look on his face. Then I said, "April Fools". If you could have seen the look on his face! But how did April Fools' Day originate, anyway? Actually, you can say, it is an unsolved mystery.
There are some who say it began in many different parts of the world at the same time as a way of livening up the spring equinox celebration. Others argue that it was the result of the adoption of Gregorian calendar. It seems that in ancient times, the New Year began on March 25th followed by 8 days of festivities and ending on April 1st. Then, when the new calendar came about, New Years' Day was moved to January 1st. This was confusing to many who refused to accept the new date. And, it also must be taken into account that communication traveled slowly in those days; thus, some people only learned of the change several years later. So, for whatever reason, it took several years before the January 1st date was accepted.
And then we come to those people who refused, under any circumstances, to acknowledge this date change and continued to celebrate on April 1st. The general population labeled these people 'fools' and began to ridicule them by sending them on 'fool errands' such as extending invitations to non-existent parties or by playing other practical jokes on them. This continued over time and eventually became the April Fools' Day we know today.
Some April Fools' Day tidbits:
In Scotland, the day is dedicated to spoofs involving the buttocks and is know as "Taily Day". The origins of the "Kick Me" sign can be traced back to this observance.
In Rome, the day is called the "Festival of Hilaria". It is the culmination of the observance of the god, Attis, which occurred on March 25th.
In England tricks are played on each other only in the morning for it was considered bad luck to play a practical joke on someone after the noon hour.
What is one of your most infamous April Fools' Day tricks?
