"If there is a heaven, it's certain our animals are to be there. Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them."
Pam Brown
Miss Minga as a baby. Sure wish I could have gotten it clearer.
Good morning, everyone. It's nasty out there so I'll be staying home today. The storm started yesterday afternoon, a huge disappointment for me. My sons were coming for dinner last night, and we'd planned to hold a memorial ceremony for my beloved little girl, but I told them we'll set it for another time. No sense exposing them to the dangerous conditions. Good heavens, it's already March, and still the storms continue. But at least we're due to go up to 50 on Wednesday, and all this mess will melt. They say this is the third coldest winter on record for NYC.
I have order a beautiful memorial card for my little girl. When it arrives I will be sure to show it to you. My grief has reminded me of the ocean's waves. One moment am fine, the next I am sobbing and calling out for my girl. I don't know what to do with myself. The other day, I went to fix lunch and I waited for her to call out to me not to forget hers. It's the little things like this that break me down.
Everything reminds me of my little girl. As soon as I heard about this storm on Saturday I began thinking how worried I'd get that something might happen to her during the storm, and we wouldn't be able to get her to the vet. That always caused me such a great deal of stress. Now, I just don't care.
I am driving myself crazy. I find myself gazing at all the places I had set up her little beds (she always had to be near me), at the empty space where her litter box and cat litter stood, at the empty cupboard where I kept her food, etc. hoping that this nightmare would be over, and she still would be there, but it is not a nightmare. It is 'real' life, and I know I have to pull myself together before I sink any deeper into depression.
I've been looking towards Spring with a new sense of hope. I picture the first budding of the trees. the Spring flowers as they push their way through the earth, the joyful tunes of the song birds. As a time for new beginnings, I am hoping that my happiness with life will return. Granted, my life is forever changed, and she will NEVER be forgotten, but I do hope that one day I will be able to let go and honor her by living my life as I know she would want me to.
Thanks for letting me share.
“Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart, and bids it break.”
William Shakespeare
Your opening and ending quotations are both very profoundly true.
ReplyDeleteMary, my heart cries out for the both of you my friend. I know I'm not anyone great, but just know I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.
ReplyDeleteThe first days are so hard.
ReplyDeleteThe little things are always the hardest to bear. That is true with the death of a loved one as well. Even after nine years of living without my mother (and 15 without my daddy), some little thing will trigger my tears -- a good barbecue rib dinner (my dad), or hearing a song my mother especially loved. I try to say a little prayer of gratitude when that happens and thank them for their guidance and love. Looking forward to spring is a good thing, Mary. Life does go on, and you will too.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
ReplyDelete