Thursday Thoughts

As we rise to meet the challenges that
are a natural part of living, we awaken
to our many undiscovered gifts, to
our inner power and our purpose.

Susan L. Taylor

Good morning, everyone. Well, the warm weather is gone, and the cooler temps have arrived. Can't say that I'm sorry. As nice as the weather was, personally, I like it better when I have to put on a sweater or a jacket. I don't like the fact that snow is in the forecast, though. I certainly do not want to be homebound like I was last year.

Went to the old center yesterday for art class and was almost ready to walk out. Seems yesterday was the monthly Atlantic City trip so there were few left behind to play bingo. So, as soon as I walked in, one of the women called out "There's another one." Very politely, I told them I was not going to play, that I had actually come to attend the art class. I heard the woman who called bingo say, "She doesn't have to go at ten. She can go at 11 like I do." She hadn't realized that she was on the mike when she said it. Well, they didn't want to take no for an answer, and the other woman walked over to my table.

She:"Why don't you want to play?" Me: "Because I don't want to play. I came for the art class."

She: "You can play bingo and go to art at 11." Me: "But I want to go to art now. I don't really feel like playing bingo."

She: "Why not?" Me: "Because I am bored with it. I am tired of playing it every day."

She: "Why are you bored with it? You play here once a week. Where else do you play? Do you play at home?" Me: (Now I am really getting annoyed). "I choose not to play, and you are not going to change my mind." I guess she picked up on the irritation in my voice because she walked away.

But not even five minutes later was back at my table asking the same questions, pressuring me. Finally I had enough. How dare she? I was so mad I felt like walking out and not coming back. Me: "Look, I came here to relax in art class. I didn't come here to play bingo. I don't want to play and that's that. Final. Now please stop pestering me about it."

She: (huffily) "Good bye" and she walked away.

I thought to myself, ''do I have a sign at my back that says 'bully me'? Pressure me a little, and I'll do whatever you want." There was a time that the woman could have easily talked me into giving up art for bingo. As a child, I'd been bullied throughout grammar school, and the bullying I was subjected to followed me through high school, I was the one nobody wanted on their team. I grew up believing that the only way people were going to like me was if I became a follower and did their bidding whether I was happy about it or not. In fact, most of my life was spent that way. I was everybody's doormat.

In fact, studies have shown that the effects of childhood bullying was still evident some 40 years later. And that's about how long it took me to admit that I had had enough and begin taking the necessary steps to change my life. Therapy, group counseling, furthering my education, leaving my abusive husband and starting over with two boys to care for...all were things I had to do in order to erase the effects of childhood. It wasn't easy, and it didn't happen overnight, but today I may be pleasant and nice to everyone, but please, don't let anyone try to push me around. Those days are over, and I am so proud of myself for not giving in yesterday. Each small step I take is a success.

And now, I must go get into the shower. It's weigh-in day, and I won't miss that for anything. WW is one of the best things that happened to me.