I am Nobody but Myself

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naive. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself. 

Ralph Ellison

Good morning, everyone.  Rain is in the forecast so I'm seriously debating staying home.  Yesterday's heat and humidity were dreadful, but it could have been a lot worse.  At least we had a breeze which made it bearable. This extra poundage I am carrying makes it all the more uncomfortable.  I really have to take this seriously as it is damaging my health.  

When I came across the above quote the other day I shuddered.  It reminded me of the self I used to be. Some people live their entire lives wearing masks, being the someone they think others want them to be, always seeking validity from others, always wanting to be accepted.  Many of us are like that in our youth but we grow out of it. We shed the masks and become the self we were born to be.

Our nurse used to be that way, always wanting validation and attention from others.  I used to get so frustrated with her because she had so much going for her. I always used to tell her she could do so much better, especially after she got her RN. I stopped when I realized that she wasn't going to find herself by listening to me.  She had to find her own way. (By the way, her health issues worsened, and she had to leave the job shortly after I did.)   

Today I have found myself in more ways than one.  Oh, I know I still have issues that I must work on.  I may have forgiven my parents, but I still have scars that are waiting to be healed.  And I am no longer that shy little girl who yearned to be a part of.  And as I grow older I realize that I no longer need the makeup, the fancy hairdos, or the perfect shape to make others like me. Today the masks have been discarded, and I am a 'wash and wear' kind of gal'.  I like myself so much better this way. Had my long hair chopped into an easy do and now it is ten minutes and my makeup is on and my hair is combed. I am so much happier this way.  And people genuinely like me for who I am.  Today I am nobody but myself.

They are countless faces that we wear through the journey of life.
Nature, our constant companion, is embracing us without one.
Through the process of mask-creating,
man and nature are entwined in the same embrace
becoming one and the same.
Only Perception differs
from a limited vision.
The spirit of the mask embodies, then,
both energies. It is transformed into power.
The power within reflected out. 

Excerpt from 'Looking Within'  by Peter Sanderson