On An Early Tuesday Morn

 The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours.  No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen.  And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot.  The possibility is always there.  

Monica Baldwin

Good morning. This getting up when it still looks like night is going to take some getting used to.   Not that I am complaining.  I have always loved rising in the dark and watching the sun come up.  It's just that it throws my timing off.  Like Sunday.  I was lying in bed thinking it was the middle of the night when I smelled coffee.  Only, in my foggy state, I did not realize that it was coffee.  At first I wondered why I was smelling 'toast' and then I wondered if there was a fire.  Then I glanced at the clock, and it was 6:25 am....but it was actually 5:25 am.  That's the part that takes getting used to, acclimating one's body rhythm to the hour change. 

Now that the pension is in order and the medicare issue straightened out (I am not going to pursue a fair hearing over one dollar) the HRA has to put their dibs in.  I applied in February and was approved for a phone interview.  The woman was supposed to call me on a certain date, but didn't.  Instead she called a day late.  Then, when I verified that she was speaking to the correct person, she hung up and did not call back.  I tried several times to get through and left numerous messages to no avail.  Yesterday I received a letter in the mail saying that my application was not approved because I did not provide the information I was asked to submit.  What information?  We never got past my name. Now I have to apply for a fair hearing.  

All this after I spent the entire afternoon working on my taxes only to find out I have to pay the state and city.  I worked half the year so a part of my social security turns out to be taxable.  The way the state and city has treated me?  I breaks my heart that I have to pay them any money. 

So, last  I got a message last night from Barbara's sister.  It seems that Barbara did go back to her husband as soon as he was released from jail.  Having worked with both victims and abusers I sort of expected it.  It happens all the time in these relationships.  All I can do is be there for her, listen, offer advise, and pray that nothing happens to her or her children.

Shortly thereafter I received a call from Barbara.   She had just found out that her mom was in the hospital. She has fluid around the heart which must be drained, and there is a mass on her kidney. They are awaiting tests to find out if the mass is cancerous.  She is not one of my favorite people and did something to to my boys that is beyond forgivable, but I cannot wish ill on anyone, and I will be there for her if she needs me.  I cannot see someone in pain and not help.

See, when my son's grandparents died, they left one half of the house to Barbara's mom and the other half to my ex.  It was known at the time that my ex was dying as well  so the stipulation in the will was that his half would then be divided between my sons.  During his last days, when he was heavily medicated, she went to a lawyer and drew up some paperwork and had him sign his share over to her for $10. He was delirious on pain medication at the time and didn't realize what he was doing.  My son got a lawyer, but because his dad did not leave a will, and she had that legal paper, they pretty much lost before they even started.

Cancer does run in that family, and it scares me.  My ex, his mom, and his dad all died of it within 6 months of each other.  And now possibly his sister.  I worry about my boys and encourage them to stay on top of things and to follow up with testing at least once a year. Early detection increases one's chances of survival. 

I'd like to close today with a little prayer for my sister-in-law.

May God/Goddess  heal her body and soul.

May her body cease to ache,

May her strength increase,

while her fears released,

And may blessings, love, and joy surround her

forever and ever.

Amen.