Happy Thursday

Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for those who have the vision to recognize it as such.

Henry Miller

Good morning, everyone.  We've been having some beautiful weather, and looks like today is another one of those days.  Actually, the past two days have not been cold enough for a sweater or jacket, but it's obvious fall is in the air.  I noticed that, despite the warmer temperatures, the leaves have begun to fall.  Not much yet, but enough to let you know the seasons are in the midst of change.  

Went to the old center yesterday and did a little coloring.  There are only three of us in the group, but that's okay.  The others just don't know what they are missing.  They prefer to play bingo and cards...day after day, week after week.  Coloring not only brings back that child in me, but also relieves a lot of the stress I have been under.   Wednesday is one day that I really enjoy going to the old center.

I was reading the above quote, and I saw so much of me in it...in that part that spoke of shutting our eyes and running away from things, and how it catches up and defeats us in the end.  I guess you might say I spent much of my adult life running away from my health, or better said, from illness.  I always thought if no one actually SAID it, it wasn't there.  Hence, I never went to the doctor because I didn't want to HEAR any bad news.  I prided myself on my good health, and, to be honest, I was in good health up until recently. I just didn't think it would happen to me.  It wasn't until I was close to retirement that all kinds of issues popped up--lung nodule, thyroid nodule, Graves Disease, Hypertension, chronic pain.  Just when I thought I was about to enjoy life.

But, hey, I still can, but only if I begin taking care of myself.  And I mean following up with all doctor's appointments as well as diet and exercise.  And above all, stop being my own doctor. 

Have a good one.

Hump Day Ramble

Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom
and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way
to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments
are key moments, and life itself is grace.

Frederick Buechner

Good morning, everyone. Met with my new endocrinologist yesterday.  The good news is that, according to the blood work, my thyroid is stable, and she has stopped my medication.  If the palpitations should begin again, she will put me on a beta blocker.  She also said that I am pre-diabetic, but with proper diet and lifestyle, I won't need any medication for it. 

More good news is that I haven't had any palpitations in four days, and my blood pressure has been consistently normal. The bad news is that I still don't have any answers.  Perhaps the worst is over, but I sure would like to know.  I feel like I am walking on egg shells every day, just waiting for something to happen.  I just want to get on with my life.

So, today I am off to the center for art class.  I'm still not ready to begin exercising. I am doing everything I can to get myself back to normal.  I eat lots of fruits and veggies, little red meat, and drink lots of water.  I stopped drinking coffee a week ago, and is hasn't bothered me at all.  I was drinking a small glass of 2 percent chocolate milk daily for calcium, but noticed after drinking it, I had bad palpitations which lasted a few days.  So I stopped it, and haven't had a palpitation since.  Hoping it's not the chocolate, but it does seem suspicious.  And chocolate can cause palpitations in some people  Will have to talk about this when I see my doctor.  Thanks again for all your support.

Well, that's it.  Going to jump in the shower and have a little breakfast.  Have a good one.

Tuesday Ramble

There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace.  You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub.  

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross 

Good morning, everyone.  The weather has been gorgeous.  Couldn't believe that yesterday morning it was cold enough for the heat.  I love how it feels when it first comes up for the season.  So did Miss Minga.  Ran straight for her favorite pipe.  Forget my feet when the heat is on.

Felt good yesterday and headed for the center, the old one.  I played a few games of bingo.  Won $2.  Hope I don't have to pay taxes on it.  Picked up the Autumn candles I had bought from the Avon Lady--Whipped Pumpkin, Apple Cider, and By the Bonfire. They all smell super delicious.

During this past Sunday's sermon, the priest spoke about the virtue of silence which, as a virtue, isn’t given much thought in our culture today. In fact, we live in a world where there is less and less silence.  In this day and age, everyone including myself,  is 'wired' in one form or another--cell phones, tablets, smart phones, etc.  I remember when I was still working.  Everyday I rode that subway, just about everyone had something in their ears, just about everyone was listening to something or playing a computer game on their device.  No wonder no one noticed that an older woman with a cane had to stand.  No one pays any attention anymore. 

And the sidewalks are no better. So many times I see people walking on the street totally oblivious to their surroundings because they are concentrating on their phone or texting someone. And don't get me started on the supermarkets.  There is nothing worse than trying to get your shopping done while someone blocks the aisle while they talk on their cell phone.  You can scream 'excuse me' at the top of your lungs, but they are too engrossed in their conversation to hear you.

Silence is more than just the absence of speech. It means more than not speaking  Silence also means becoming aware of the constant noise and communication which surrounds us. Life requires periods of silence and healthy relationships require that we remain silent and listen to one another.  

 October is a good month to become more quiet, to listen to others more carefully, and to be more conscious of what we say so we don't hurt another's feelings.  Silence is important because it gives us time for reflection, time to think and get in touch with our feelings.  My feelings have been so scattered lately, I really need some silent time to get in touch with myself, but it is hard to clear thoughts from your head when you are waiting for medical results.  So, like I used to tell my clients, all I can do is try.

Well, time to shower.  I'm meeting my new endocrinologist today.  Sure hope she has some good news for a change.  I sure could use some.  Have a good one.

Monday This and That

Accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields....

Khalil Gibran, The Prophet, 1923

Good morning.  Another Monday.  Keeping my fingers crossed that this one goes okay.  The past two Mondays have been dreadful. So far, so good, and if this keeps up,  I may head to the old center and play a little bingo.  I'm not up to going to exercise yet.  Actually, I am a bit afraid. We still don't know for sure if this is my thyroid or not.  There is still a possibility it might be my heart.  Should have some answers this week.  Until I know for sure, I am taking it very easy.

Went to church yesterday and stopped by the market for a few items.  I've learned not to try to carry to much as the extra strain seems to be a trigger for an episode.  I've also started walking as slow as possible.  It sure was cold out yesterday.  Autumn definitely was here, and with the wind and coolness, it even felt like a touch of winter.  Not complaining though.  I'll take this to the heat anyday.

On Friday I walked slowly to the subway station to re-up my card, then stopped at the fruit stand for some healthy foods. Picked up some grapes, apples, and oranges.  Grapes help stop the palpitations, and this year I am going to train myself to eat the winter fruits.  No episodes, although during the day I had a few minor ones.  Saturday it was cold and rainy, and I parked myself in my rocker by the window for most of the morning catching up on some reading.

Actually, I've been doing a lot of reading lately.  There is so much scary stuff going on in the world (ISIL and ebola) that I find it easier to lose myself in a fun novel.  Lately I have been reading 'Chasing Butterflies in the Magical Garden' by Jorja DuPont Oliva.  What a fun book. 

Book description:

Chasing Butterflies in the Magical Garden, is a story of enchanting friendships and magical bonds. After following her first love to the foothills of the Carolina's, Lizzy returns to her small southern town to start a life without her childhood sweetheart. Everything she imagined her life would be, now veered off in a different direction. The biggest fear of it all, the unknown, the anticipation of a life not yet imagined. Lizzy goes in search of her identity and finds the lasting power of friendship. Lizzy's childhood friend Ripley, reunites her with a former high school classmate Dee, who had been rumored to talk to the dead. Dee and her magical garden take Lizzy for the ride of a lifetime. She opens Lizzy's eyes to the existence of everyday magic. Dee teaches Lizzy that life is not solely about living, it is also about surviving. Lizzy and Dee are both in search of butterflies in the magical garden--we call life. To each girl, the butterflies mean something different. They learn along the way, if we look beyond the things we cannot see, we may find what we are looking for.

Well, not much else going on right now so I guess that's it for now.  Hoping you all have a great Monday.

Friday Roundup

The most important thing in illness is never to lose heart.   

Nikolai Lenin

Good morning, and a happy Friday to all. Finally got out of the house yesterday, and it sure did feel good. Hubby asked me if I was going to check my pressure before I went, and I said 'no'. I know myself. I was feeling good, and if it was high I wouldn't go. I am not going to allow this to totally confine me to my house. Of course while in the midst of a full-fledged episode, I definitely will stay in, but not when I am feeling good. Glad I did go. Came out of there feeling good. Took off another 1.6 pounds. That is 8.4 pounds in four weeks. Not bad.  I did, however, suffer some minor palpitations last night. 

Why does Monday always get such a bad rap? When I was working, I dreaded Mondays, and my dread always started on Sunday. I'd start about mid-afternoon telling myself I didn't want to go. And for awhile, since I retired, I've been looking forward to Monday and seeing my friends again. But now I find myself dreading them once again.

It seems my episodes always begin on Monday mornings. Actually, the beginnings occur on Sunday eve. I begin feeling my heartbeat, and then that awful dread starts in. By Monday morning they've become a full-fledged episode. I am grateful that I have several days of the week free, but why does this happen to me on Mondays? It is two weeks in a row. Now I have come to fear this day. And, being that the very beginnings of the episodes appear Sunday evening, I've even begun to question whether I should continue going to church. Totally irrational, I know. The church has nothing to do with it. 

Not much on the agenda this weekend. Today I am off to put some cash on my metrocard and do some shopping at the fruit stand, that is, if last night's palipations don't return.   Tomorrow I will just play it by ear. Have to go back to my old neighborhood to deposit a check, but I will just play it by ear.  They are forecasting rain for Saturday, so I may have to hold off for a week.

Well, that's it for now.  Hoping you all have a wonderful, fun-filled weekend. 

Thursday Ramble

 Pale amber sunlight falls across
The reddening October trees....
Are we not better and at home
In dreamful Autumn, we who deem
No harvest joy is worth a dream?
A little while and night shall come,
A little while, then, let us dream...

Ernest Dowson, "Autumnal"

Hooray!!! Feeling good this morning.  Checked my BP and it was 135/79.  Yesterday afternoon it was 121/74.  Thinking I will  go out today.  I won't be doing anything strenuous, just going to WW. I hate to miss it.  But, I am not going to fool myself like I did the last time.  Thought everything was taken care of, and the next thing I knew, my pressure was sky high and my heart racing. Test results should be back today or tomorrow.  Can't wait to find out what is causing these flare ups.  Even though I am testing normal now, I still live in fear.

Yesterday I found a website where I could ask the fairies a question.  This was your own secret question, no one else knew.  So, I asked about my health, and the response I got was, "There is light at the end of the tunnel."  That is something I needed to hear.

I am so excited.  October is here. Before we know it, the leaves will turn and start to fall.  Still have plenty of Autumn decorating to do.  And I have fallen behind with my fall clothing.  Still have so many to get out.  I usually unpack, rinse, and hang on the line for that fresh Autumn smell, but now that I don't have a clothesline, it's pretty slow going.  Only two items a day, hung over the metal window guards. But, they smell oh so good when I bring them in.  

I want to take this time to thank you all for being there and supporting me through this trying time in my life.  It means a lot to know that there are people out there who care.  Thanks again.

And with that, I've got to run and jump in the shower so I can be out of here in time to make my meeting.  Have a good one.

It Must Be the Time of the Year

“Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance.” 

Unknown

Hi all.  Well, for the next few days I'll be pretty much a homebody.  There is so much I want to be doing, but I'm afraid of getting caught out there with one of these spells.  The truth is they only last seconds, but when your heart is racing that fast and you feel that awful pressure in your head, it  seems like forever. Yesterday I felt so frustrated. I'm also having a hard time letting hubby do things for me. I am so used to doing for others, that I guess I just don't know how to let go and let someone do for me.

I bought a BP machine Friday, and the cuff was too small.  He had to go return it for me. I love going to that Rite Aid, and had looked forward to plowing around their autumn items to see if there is something I have forgotten. And then,  my meds were ready, and I couldn't go get them so he went for me. I needed things from Pathmark, but hubby just doesn't know how to pick out some of the things I use.  One thing about me, for all the pain I may be in, I like to get out and about, and don't do well being housebound.  I do hope this is over soon.

I feel kind of lost.  Yesterday the kitty's I have been following went for their surgeries and then onto their new homes.  I usually checked in on them the first thing in the morning which I started to do today, but then remembered, the site is gone.  I sad, but happy that they all, including their beautiful mama, have found wonderful homes.

Yesterday afternoon I crawled into bed and took a nice long nap.  I don't do that often because Miss Minga doesn't allow it.  (She is far too spoiled.)  So, anyway, when I went to bed I left the computer on.  When I got up, I discovered that 'two' people had accepted my friend request.  Totally floored me because, first of all, I didn't make any requests, and secondly, I have no idea who these people are.  I checked them out, and they are real people.  Not scams.  Hmmm!!!!  

And that's not all.  Later in the evening when I went to log in my food and exercise on 'My Fitness Pal' and discovered that a person 'liked' my comment.  Now, I don't know this person, they are not on my friend list, and I certainly did NOT comment.  Is there another me who was playing at the computer while I was asleep?  All I can say is, what the heck is going on?

Then, as if that is not enough, later in the evening I was seated in my rocking chair watching television, and Miss Minga was lying peacefully at my feet.  Suddenly, I heard claws clicking on the floor and from the corner of my eye I saw a whir of black fur race past.  Problem was, Miss Minga was still fast asleep at my feet.  

With October just around the corner, I'm sure I will be experiencing more of the unexplained.  If I recall correctly, last year at the time the shadow people began making their appearance. Last year I kept thinking my eyes were playing tricks on me.  I'm ready for it this year.

And I am so ready for Halloween.  How I love that holiday!  My favorite day of the year. I love the black and orange colors of the holiday.  Actually, they were my high school colors. I love the weather, the multi-colored leaves on the ground, the chill in the air, a sure sign that the dark time of the year is coming.  And, of course, I love all the scary movies. I am looking forward to Hallmark's marathon of 'The Good Witch'.  Looks like that might be on Saturday, October 25th.