A Rare Thursday Rant

Celebrity-worship and hero-worship should not be confused.
Yet we confuse them every day, and by doing so we come dangerously close to depriving ourselves of all real models. We lose sight of the men and women who do not simply seem great because they are famous but are famous because they are great. We come closer and closer to degrading all fame into notoriety.

Daniel J. Boorstin

Yesterday I turned on the news to hear the weather report and the first thing I heard was that Lindsay Lohan was once again in trouble. This time she was arrested after her SUV alleged hit a pedestrian, and it seems that she left the scene of the accident. I am so tired of reading about this woman committing crimes everywhere she goes and getting what I consider, celebrity justice. Let one of us do half the things that she has done, and we'd be sitting in jail. Let one of my clients do it, and they would lock the door and throw away the key.  But, it seems to me that if you are a celebrity, you are above the law. And sadly, when she actually does kill someone, they will say that they "never saw this coming."  

Even sadder still is that our teenagers look up to these so-called role models. This morning, the newscaster stated that her only claim to fame is her bad girl image, and he is tired of talking about her.  What else has she done with her life was the question he asked?  He then went on to add that if this was your average person on the street, they would be behind bars. Needless to say, I was so proud of him for voicing his opinion. 

It is a sad state of affairs that children are being brought up in a culture which is saturated with sex, violence, and an emphasis on fashion and appearance. Indeed, there are wonderful positive role models in the spotlight as well, but the media doesn't talk about them as the do the negative role models.

When I was growing up, adults were complaining about Elvis Presley because he swiveled his hips too much. Today, it is violence and sex that sells.  Let one of these young stars volunteer their services at an orphanage or an old folks home, and we wouldn't hear about it...or else a wee article will be found somewhere in the middle of the newspaper.  But, by golly, let a rap star shoot someone or a silly little actress get drunk  and get arrested for a DWI, and it is front page news. What does that say about how far we have come? Not something to brag about is it?  And when does it end?  When do we, as a society say 'enough is enough'. 

In closing, I would love to share with you the wonderful little story I found about Gandhi. It says a lot about values and what it means to be a positive role model.

A troubled mother took her daughter to see Mohandas Gandhi,
who was world-renowned for his great spiritual discipline. It seems
the young girl had become addicted to eating sweets, and her mother
wanted Gandhi to speak to her about this harmful habit and convince
her to drop it. Upon hearing this request, Gandhi paused in silence
and then told the mother, "Bring the girl back to me in three weeks
and I will speak to her then."

Just as she was instructed, the mother returned with her daughter,
and Gandhi, as he had promised, spoke to the girl about the detrimental
effects of eating too many sweets. He counseled her to give them up.

The mother gratefully thanked Gandhi, but was perplexed. "Why,"
she asked him, "did you not speak to my daughter when we first came to you?"

"My good woman," Gandhi replied, "three weeks ago
I myself was still addicted to sweets!"

Unknown

And please don't get me started on the new Blogger.  They got me today.  I hate being forced into something I don't want.  I love the way they say streamlined, but I find there is more steps to get your blog written and published than ever before.  Right now I am not a happy campler.

The Way Of The Wind

The wind's way in the deep sky's hollow

None may measure, as none can say

How the heart in her shows the swallow

The wind's way.

Hope nor fear can avail to stay

Waves that whiten on wrecks that wallow,

Times and seasons that wane and slay.

Life and love, till the strong night swallow

Thought and hope and the red last ray,

Swim the waters of years that follow

The wind's way.

Algernon Charles Swinburne

Oh my, I am surely glad that I chose to play hooky yesterday. The weather was pretty severe. The rains were torrential and the winds strong. Although I love both, the way things were flying about, I was glad to be in the comfort of my home and not dodging the objects that were blowing about because not everyone listens and takes heed.  

Yesterday afternoon, while sitting in my rocker enjoying the fresh air that was blowing through the house, I suddenly I heard a loud crash in the courtyard. Turned out to be one of my neighbor's plants that had been blown right out of the window. On closer examination, I saw that it was a small live Christmas tree...and those flowers that I thought I saw at first glimpse were small red bulbs.  Now, I am for Christmas as much as the next person, but I have to believe this is a leftover from last Christmas. After all, how can forget that Halloween falls in between...and that it is right around the corner. 

I get more and more excited as the days pass by, and the arrival of the Spirit Halloween Store down the block from my job tells me that it is really on its way.  I've always loved Halloween, probably even more so than Christmas.  There is something magical about this day when the veils wear thin, and the ancestors once again walk the earth.  Ghosts and goblins abound, and little girls can once again become a fairy princess...and all of us can dress up and become children again. 

It's a magic night, to be sure, but Halloween means so more than just the magic that comes from casting spells. Indeed, its magic goes so much further than that, for Halloween is magical in a sense that anything can happen...and that is exactly what makes it so special.

But, for now, life must continue at its daily pace. There is work to be done, and clients to be seen. Halloween will be here soon enough, and before we know it, it will be gone once again, another year over, yet another distant memory.

The Autumn Equinox

"In the garden, Autumn is, indeed the crowning glory of the year, bringing us the fruition of months of thought and care and toil. And at no season, safe perhaps in Daffodil time, do we get such superb colour effects as from August to November."

Rose G. Kingsley

Played hooky today.  My body was craving for some much-needed rest.  Besides, when I awoke this morning and heard the sound of the rain beating down on the AC, I pulled the covers up and went right back to sleep.  It's still like night out there, and it is coming up to 8 am.  They say later the rain is going to get much worse, a tremendous storm they say with high winds and drenching rains, perhaps even a tornado.  We've been getting them a lot lately here.  Changes are occurring.  Let's face it and be honest.  I heard the weather report last night and already had my mind made up.

For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, the Autumn Equinox is almost upon us. After this past summer, I know most of us are eagerly awaiting it. Some call this day Mabon and consider it the second harvest celebration, and although most of us consider Labor Day to be the unofficial start of Autumn, it is the Autumn Equinox that truly marks the official beginning of Autumn. The days are growing noticeably shorter, and there is a crispness in the air and although the leaves have not begun to change, we know that will happen soon enough. The weather here in the city has been so wonderful that I haven't wanted to stay inside. There is nothing like the feeling of your hair blowing in the wind...and not caring how mussed up it gets. 

The Autumn Equinox has been revered and celebrated since ancient times as a time to share our abundance and showing gratitude for all the bountiful blessings that Mother Nature has given us. For our ancestors, this day of equal balance between light and dark was a powerful time. Most harvest crops were collected, and it was not only a day of thanksgiving, but also a reminder that it is time to prepare for the winter. 

It is a time of drawing inward and taking a moment to think about what the 'harvest' of our lives has been.  It is a time of balance, a day where light and dark stand equal as we prepare to begin the dark part of the year. It is also a time of the year when we begin working towards finding a balance in ourselves by making peace with the dark and considering it a part of the light, for without one, we could not have the other. We must use this time wisely as a time for meditation, contemplation, reflection and giving thanks for those things we so often take for granted. 

Be thankful! 

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something,

for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,

because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,

because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary,

because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who

are also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,

and they can become your blessings.

Author Unknown

Monday This and That

The person who wants the rose must respect the thorn.

Persian proverb

Greetings on this wonderful, fall-like morning. Lately the air has been cool and crisp with a fantastic breeze that messes your hair and is so invigorating that I find myself moving with a faster step lately. The graduation went so well on Friday. Several clients didn't show up, including two of my people, but that was to be expected. Sometimes the fear of walking up in front of a huge audience and saying a few words triggers their anxiety and sometimes, it signals an end to an area of comfort and support they have become used to.  We tell them they can still attend on an aftercare basis, but for many, it's not the same for they know that soon they will have to move on.

I do have to say one thing, though.  11 hour workdays which includes lots of physical labor such as setting up tables and serving food is not something for a 65 year old, although while I was doing it, I felt fantastic.  It was afterwards I paid the price.  Then, I did the food shopping and cooking on Saturday, and on Sunday 'Fall Fever' hit and I began packing things away and getting long sleeved shirts out.  Not very much rest this weekend, that's for sure. 

Before I begin what seems to be turning into a little rant, I would like to mention that I do accept my cronehood in every way and the following is not meant to denigrate or complain about my age.  It is just that sometimes, hearing it in front of a hundred people still throws me for a loop. Let me explain.

I have a client who didn't think he needed a treatment program and during the first month or so, all he did was complain that he was being forced to attend and wouldn't get anything out of it.  That was over two years ago.  Our program is six months to a year, but he will not move on and here is why.  The following is a part of his speech:

"And I have a special thank for Mary.  When my mom died, she was there for me to help me through those hard times, and she became like my mom.  In my heart, she will always remain my second mom and will always be with me."

A beautiful speech that brought tears to my eyes, so why did it make me uncomfortable about my age? It is hard to explain, but to begin with, this client is in his forties, older than my old two sons. I just don't 'see myself as being at an age to have a son that old, but it is obvious that everyone else does, and the truth is, I am old enough. Perhaps, I am just tired of being pointed out as the oldest person in my work place.  I hear all the time that I am such a 'mama' figure for many of the clients, and that's why I am able to establish a breakthrough with some of the most difficult. My problem is that I don't see a 'mama' figure looking back at me when I look into the mirror. 

True,  I may have all of the aches and pains that come with age, but the inner me is still so full of life. What I see when I when I look into a mirror is a woman several years younger, someone who is not so much out of the age range of her peers, someone who is closer to 50, someone who 'fits' in. Perhaps that is the answer.  My 'inner child' is still struggling to 'fit' in.

They say that each of us is actually three different people. We are the person we see ourselves to be, the person others see, and the person who we really are. The anorexic or bulimic sees themselves as fat; we see them as emaciated. In truth, somewhere hidden beneath the person's layer of self-deception is a beautiful person wanting to come out. I look in the mirror and I see a vibrancy looking back that obviously others don't see. I guess that is why we see some of us oldtimers struggling so hard to look like they are young that they dress in styles that only a young person can carry about.  Perhaps they look in the mirror and don't really see themselves.  They see the person they 'want' to be.  In other words, they haven't accepted the aging process.

These uncomfortable feelings about my age only happen to me when I am around my peers at work. Most of the time I embrace my cronehood, but it is my peers who, though not meaning to, put me in this position. First of all, none of them know of my childhood and being the 'one' who never fit in. And secondly, none of them even realize that they are making me feel this way. They leave me out of things because they respect me. For example, several months ago one of my 30ish co-workers was having a weekend party involving 'sex toys'. It turns out all the ladies were invited...except for me. So when I vented my feelings to the one co-worker I know I can trust, she said, "Evie didn't ask you because she was embarrassed. She respects you to much."

I do appreciate her respect. I really do, but, then, I have to ask.  Whose feelings were 'really' taken into account? Was it really out of respect for me?  Or was it that she felt no one could have a good time with them around, although I don't know where she/they would get that idea.  After all, I am the biggest practical joker at the job.

In this day and age, too many are disrespectful of those of us who are up in years.  Families push their elderly relatives aside and barely have time for them, and youth knocks them aside to gain the only seats on a train. I see elderly losing their homes and living on the streets every day as I make my way through the city.  It breaks my heart.  So, yes, I do feel good about the respect, but can't help feeling that it is being taken too far.

Indeed, I am older than the rest by a minimum of 20 years.  That is an entire generation older when you think of it. But that doesn't mean that I am a prude or I don't like to have fun. I probably wouldn't have gone to that party if asked, but not because it was about sex toys. I wouldn't have gone because it is too far to travel.  But there are other things I could be invited to...such as lunches they sometimes go to.

I guess what I am trying to say in this long, round about way is that sometimes respect can be taken too far and can hurt someone's feelings. We shouldn't just 'assume' that because someone is old they wouldn't be interested or don't want to be a part of.  Just give me the opportunity to make the decision for myself. And I am tired of people being so fixated on my age.  See me for who I am.  Accept me as I am. And please, just let me be who I am.

TGIF

Sometimes the most
important thing in a whole
day is the rest we take
between two deep breaths,
or the turning inwards in
prayer for five
short minutes.

Etty Hillesum

Ah, another Friday. This is the day I wait for every week. Sometimes I wonder if I am just wishing my life away.  Of course, every day is special in its own way, but I have always loved Friday. And this Friday is special because of the graduation tonight.  It will definitely be a long day, to be sure. I probably won't get home until about 9 pm tonight. There are so many speeches to be made and food to be eaten. I do hope they have last year's menu. If so, the food is going to be awesome. Let me tell you, they  had the best potato salad I have ever eaten and the barbecued ribs fell right off the bone. 

And,  I've already planned out my menu so I can indulge. I've been doing so well on my diet.  I haven't weighed myself lately, but my clothes are fitting better.  But even moreso, I do worry about my blood pressure and sodium intake so I try hard not to go above 1000 mg.  Usually I stay 5-600 mg which is why my blood pressure lowered. Of course, I haven't tested that lately either.  Have to remind myself next week to have the nurse here at work check it out. I've discovered that Kelloggs Mini Wheats have no sodium, so I figured that will be tomorrow's breakfast, while lunch will be a fruit salad and a slab of my sodium free Swiss Cheese. That leaves plenty of room for dinner without any added guilt

Speaking of barbecued ribs, a friend on the fitness site I belong to gave me a for low sodium barbecued beef, and I plan to try my hand at it this weekend since it is a cooking weekend.  I can't wait to try it. I also found a low sodium recipe for Asian Salisbury Steaks with sauteed Watercress and whole wheat fusilli with beef ragu. I know, they sound complicated, but they don't look so hard.  I'll let you know on Monday.

Here's wishing you all  a relaxing carefree weekend.

See you on Monday.

Encouragement

The finest gift you can give anyone is encouragement. Yet, almost no one gets

the encouragement they need to grow to their full potential. If everyone

received the encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone

would blossom and the world would produce abundance beyond the

wildest dreams. We would have more than one Einstein, Edison, Schweitzer,

Mother Theresa, Dr. Salk and other great minds in a century.

Sidney Madwed

Tomorrow evening several of our clients will be honored at our annual graduation ceremony.  They've worked hard to get where they are, and I am so proud of all of them. This year I will have 8 success stories take the podium.  That is a record number and it just goes to show you that empathy and encouragement work so much better than criticism and attempts at control.  

I'm not trying to insinuate that I am a better counselor than my co-workers.  What I am saying is that some ways work better than others and building up someone's self-esteem seems to work a lot better than breaking someone down. They found that out in the old days when the therapeutic communities would break somebody down in order to rebuild them. They failed. We're human beings. We weren't made to be broken down. In my own case, I know that I thrive whenever someone shows me that they appreciate me and encourages me to keep up the good work. Whenever I hear encouragement like that, I want to do better and better.  I think we all do. 

I think sometimes we become so focused on the faults of others that we forget to acknowledge all that they have accomplished. One of my graduates is an 'A' student in school.  She is studying to become a medical technician.  Another of my graduates is working a stipend job through his housing program.  This is a big deal for him for he has never held a job before.  Another graduate just moved into their own room in supportive housing. This is a biggie for her. She's lived on the streets for most of her adult life.  And another graduate has remained clean and sober for a year. With his mental health issues, he will probably never return to work. Some would say he has accomplished nothing because he hasn't moved on with his life. I say he has accomplished a 'miracle' after 35 years of drug use. 

So, the next time you find yourself about to criticize someone, take a step back and look for the little things that most of us take for granted and offer words of praise for those ordinary accomplishments most of us pay no attention to. Look for the little things that we usually take for granted. In my case, I have never had to take medication.  Now, I have blood pressure medications that 'must' be taken every morning.  For me,just remembering to take this every morning is an accomplishment.  Heck, I can't tell you how many times I bought vitamins all 'gung ho' that I was going to take them, and then, after a few days, never bother to look at them again.  So, yes, taking my medications ever day is a biggie. For those in the throes of depression, just climbing out of bed in the morning is an accomplishment. 

My co-worker has a son who was failing at school. Not that he wanted to.  He tried but his difficulties were due to a learning disorder. He just couldn't keep up with his peers, but he doesn't give up. He  continues to hard and eventually gets a passing grade. His mom says, "Now you can work towards an "A".  He feels so beaten down that he goes to school the next day and quits.  Instead of being encouraged, he felt like he was being pushed to do something he knew he couldn't accomplish, so rather than fail, he drops out.

Let’s face it, everyone needs encouragement sometimes. Simple and thoughtful words of encouragement to your friends or family members can go a long way, more than you probably realize. The following poem is one of hope and encouragement. It speaks of how we should look at each and every day is a new beginning.  It is one of my favorites.

Begin Again 

Every day is a fresh beginning,

Every day is the world made new;

You who are weary of sorrow and sinning,

Here is a beautiful hope for you-

A hope for me and a hope for you.

All the past things are past and over,

The tasks are done and the tears are shed;

Yesterday’s errors let yesterday cover;

Yesterday’s wounds, which smarted and bled,

Are healed with the healing which night has shed.

Yesterday now is a part of forever,

Bound up in a sheaf, which God holds tight;

With glad days, and sad days and bad days which never

Shall visit us more with their bloom and their blight,

Their fullness of sunshine or sorrowful night.

Let them go, since we cannot relieve them,

Cannot undo and cannot atone;

God in His mercy, receive, forgive them;

Only the new days are our own,

Today is ours, and today alone.

Here are the skies all burnished brightly,

Here is the spent earth all reborn,

Here are the tired limbs springing lightly

To face the sun and to share the morn,

In the chrism of dew and the cool of dawn.

Every day is a fresh beginning;

Listen, my soul, to the glad refrain,

And, spite of old sorrow and older sinning,

And puzzles forecasted and possible pain

Take heart with the day, and begin again.

by Susan Coolidge

Autumn Song

Now's the time when children's noses

All become as red as roses

And the colour of their faces

Makes me think of orchard places

Where the juicy apples grow,

And tomatoes in a row.

And to-day the hardened sinner

Never could be late for dinner,

But will jump up to the table

Just as soon as he is able,

Ask for three times hot roast mutton--

Oh! the shocking little glutton.

Come then, find your ball and racket,

Pop into your winter jacket,

With the lovely bear-skin lining.

While the sun is brightly shining,

Let us run and play together

And just love the autumn weather.

by Katherine Mansfield

We've had the most magnificent weather these past few day...a cool breeze in the morning, clear striking blue sky, with snow white puffy clouds. The leaves have not yet begun to change, but the new season is definitely on its way. The children have returned to school and as I watch them gaily chatting amongst their friends, I think of seasons, a long, long time ago when I was that rosy faced child so eager to engage in the adventures a new school year promised to bring.

Nowhere was this more pronounced than the year I entered the 8th grade.  This was to be the last year of my childhood.  I knew on that September morn when I walked to school that changes were soon to come.  In those days, we went to the same school from first grade through the eighth.  There was no 'middle school' in my little town.  For eight years we had the same classmates, but what seemed as all too soon, we were destined to part way in schools so large that for some classes we had to climb four flights of stairs.  It is no wonder that we went our separate ways, made new friends, and developed new hobbies and interests.  Sometimes we passed each other in the hallway like two ships in the night and nodded our recognition; other times, we just passed.

That was so long, long ago, yet the years have passed by so quickly, it is hard to believe that so much has happened since then.  Today, each morning as I go to work, I am aware that this could possibly be my last year as an employee, and as my back continues to deteriorate, retirement ways heavily on my mind, and I wonder what the cool September morns next year will be like.  I wonder what new adventures the next big change in my life will bring.

Thank you for letting this melancholy old woman share today.