Hallelujah !!!!

It's mine.  It's really, really mine.  The nightmare  that my present home has become is almost over. Got the call late yesterday.  "Congratulations, you've been approved."  "Are you sure, I asked?  Are you sure someone is not going to come out of the background and say they rented it already?"  "What?" he asked.  "Never mind, I say.  That's a long story."  Hubby was a bit 'iffy' because there is not too much counter space in the kitchen and continued hitting real estate agents, but when I got home I showed him all the things we can do.  "We need to get creative." I said  It will be fun. I've already lots of ideas in my head.


Hubby and I are not doing so well financially at this point.  Remember, I am the only one working right now; he is on unemployment.  We definitely need a living room set and lots of little items...curtains, throw rugs, bath set, etc.  I just can't see spending the money on an over-priced kitchen  utility table when I can be creative, and it will look much more homey.  I've a small stand which would be perfect for the coffee pot, and a rather heavy duty metal television stand we don't use.  My thought was to measure and get a square of wood, sand, and paint both the stand and the wood in a brownish color.  I'd thought of fall colors such as orange and gold, but don't want to lock myself in with a certain color scheme.  I love changes.   I also saw something called an over-the-sink cutting board which can act as counter space when I cook.  Oh, I can hardly wait for the 1st to get started. 

One thing I did learn from my experience is how manipulative and conniving real estate agents can be.  I do understand that they are out to make a living, but please, don't treat your customers as if they are stupid.  I know a good con when I see one.  After all we went through, even these agents tried to pull a fast one.  Originally, they had said the rent was $1150, but once they had us, they tried to raise it to $1200.  Not a big difference, but that $50 could come in useful someplace else...and I want what you promised.  Don't go back on your word once I sign the dotted line.  They knew hubby and I meant business and would pull out of the deal, so they got us the lowered rent. Anyone looking for or planning to look for a home or an apartment, be on guard.  They are out there to get you.  LOL!!! 

Wishing you all a wonderful, wonderful weekend.  Thanks so much for all the positive energies.  I know that you all had a lot to do with this.

The Falling of the Leaves

Autumn is over the long leaves that love us,
And over the mice in the barley sheaves;
Yellow the leaves of the rowan above us,
And yellow the wet wild-strawberry leaves.
The hour of the waning of love has beset us,
And weary and worn are our sad souls now;
Let us part, ere the season of passion forget us,
With a kiss and a tear on thy drooping brow.

--William Butler Yeats-- 

Well, it's finally beginning to look like Autumn here in the city...although it hasn't been much feeling like it.  It's my favorite time of the  year, and it is not supposed to be THIS warm.  I long for the days when the leaves are tumbling about and a cool breeze cool breeze which brings the welcome relief not having the scorching heat and soaked clothes. There is something about waking up in the morning to the cool fresh air in early morning.  If ever I wished a time could stand still, it would be during the Autumn season.

Last night was a spectacular night...in more ways than one.   It was a rare foggy night in the city, and above the silvery fog a full moon had risen, and its light made the mist luminous.  If there wasn't so much traffic and people around, it would be downright spooky.  Personally, I loved it and didn't feel much like going indoors.

"Fog in November, trees have no heads,
Streams only sound, walls suddenly stop
Half-way up hills, the ghost of a man spreads
Dung on dead fields for next year's crop.
I cannot see my hand before my face,
My body does not seem to be my own,
The world becomes a far-off, foreign place,
People are strangers, houses silent, unknown."

- Leonard Clark-

We also went to see another apartment.  I got a good feeling about this one.  There is a great aura surrounding the building, and the apartment is everything we have been looking for.  The building  is old, but is obviously well kept, and from what I saw while playing 'peeping Tom' outdoors, the tenants all seemed down-to-earth.  I also liked that in the summer the courtyard in the back is used for barbecues which tells me that the people are friendly, family-like.  The kitchen is brand new...stove, refrigerator, cupboard, counters, tiles...everything.  The bathroom has one of those big old fashioned tubs, and I can already picture myself lounging there, surrounded by scented candles and bubbles.   My cat is welcome which is super  important for me.  Shopping is nearby and the subway for work a block away.  And all for $1150 a month, less than what I am paying now. I do hope this one goes through.

I'm tired.  We've only been looking a few weeks in earnest, but it's wearing me down.  I work hard all day at a stressful job and this running home and going to see apartments is getting to me.  Last night I worked til 7, got home at 8, was at the new apartment by 8:30, at the real estate office at 9, and eating dinner at 9:30.  Whew!!!!  Do I ever need a breather.  So, please, send positive thoughts my way.  Let this be the one.  This will be the one.

What a Bummer!!!

"Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience."
--Author Unknown

Greetings on this day that feels more like the beginning of Summer than the entrance of Autumn.  Personally, I'd much prefer the cooler weather. Took off work yesterday to meet with another real estate agent.  I never realized it was going to be this draining.  When we find a great place, they don't want pets.  Hubby says just sneak Minga in, and in the old days that might have worked, but in her old age, not only has her cry become louder due to hearing loss, but she has taken to howling in the middle of the night on occasion because she wants someone up with her.  (Yes, she is very spoiled.)  It's been 15 years since I last moved, and real estate took us to one home, this one, and here we are. 

The first stop, of course, was to the incompetents who sold us on an already rented apartment.  They owed me the $500 I had put down to hold the already rented apartment.  They really didn't want to see us go and tried real hard to sell us on the first apartment they had shown us this past Saturday. I don't think I told you about that one.

On first glance, it was just what we were looking for.  I loved the view of the Verrazano Bridge and the water.  The price was definitely in our range, cats were welcome, lots of windows, closet space...all seemed so perfect...until.  The kitchen was long and huge.  I'd checked out the  counter space, cupboards, stove, refrigerator, etc.,  but then before leaving went in to check out the view from the two windows.  Needless to say, it is a good thing I ventured further inward because  the ceiling and wall above one of the windows was covered with black mold.  Immediate turnoff.  

"The landlord is going to take care of it." the agent said.  Hubby replied, "How, by painting over it?  That won't take the problem away, it will only cover it up."  To which I piped in, "Black mold is dangerous."

"Come," he said, "I want to show you the laundry room."  Of course, hubby and I both knew that he was trying to steer us off the subject.  What follows could have been in a comedy show.

One of the male tenants was down there doing his laundry.  "Are you planning to move in here?"  he asked.  "We're thinking of it" to which he replied, "Do yourself a favor.  You can get a lot better than this at a cheaper price." The agent, face reddening, put on the spot, could only say, "Let's go back to the office and talk about this."

Hubby and I didn't see anything to talk about.  We weren't going to take this place, but the icing on the cake came when we got on the elevator with the super who was boasting about how great the building was.  And, before the elevator door shut, the gent with the laundry entered and immediately asked the super, "When are you going to come and take care of my bathroom?  I put the requisition in 3 months ago, and you haven't even looked at it.?  Then he looked at us, "Black mold.  I've taken pictures of it and sent it to the city."  Oh gosh, if I had only had my camera so I could show you the agent's face at this point.

This man's apartment was on the first floor in the front of the building; the apartment we looked at was on the 5th floor in the rear.  The entire building is obviously infested with black mold.  And they continue to try to push this apartment on us...even yesterday when we went to pick up the money we had left with them to hold the already rented apartment.  Tried to tell us it was just from the steam.  Yeah, and I was born yesterday.  .

Meanwhile, when we got home, the son who lives upstairs came knocking on the door to announce that he is now half owner of the house and went on and on...And I want you both to know that I am going to go before the judge, and tell him that she (my landlady) doesn't pay her bills and has done nothing to improve your apartment, so I am going to ask him to have your rent money handed over to me, and I will start doing the fixing up on your apartment that she never did. I'm not my father, and she's soon going to learn that I mean business.  She's sending a couple guys over to check out the basement on Saturday.  Don't let them in.   You can stay as long as you like. Sounds dandy, doesn't it?....but...a judge will never award him our rent when she owns our half of the house...and secondly, and probably most importantly, how is he going to pay all the bills on his $68.50 every two weeks from welfare? 

I know some of you may be wondering how I lasted 15 years here, but it wasn't always this bad.  When the old man was alive, it was mainly little nuggets about her paying the bills, etc.  He'd nag me to pay the bill rather than the rent.  I got to the point where I'd chuckle when I saw the oil bill hanging on the door  with a late fee. I rarely heard from her and sometimes a year or two would go by before I got a call, and it was always about what they were doing and how hard they are to live around. And both would always talk about how much they disliked each other and try to get me on their side. You know, pesty little stuff, nothing really stressful... 

...But now the war has finally begun in earnest, and I continue looking.  Already I am being placed in the middle, and I refuse to become their collateral damage.

The Beauty of a Woman

The beauty of a woman,

Isn't in the clothes she wears,

The figure that she carries,

Or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman,

Must be seen from in her eyes,

Because that's the doorway to her heart,

The place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman,

Isn't in a facial mole,

But true beauty in a woman,

Is reflected by her soul.

It's the caring that she cares to give,

The passion that she shows,

And the beauty of a woman,

With passing years,

Only grows.

--Author Unknown--

The other day I was looking over some old posts of mine and found the poem above.  I've always loved the poem and thought it would be nice to share it again.  To me, it says it all.  Sadly, there are many out there who still view the older woman as the hag, the Crone, the one whose days of beauty by society's standard are behind her. I find it here at work.  One of the younger male clients once asked me when I was going to retire, and I told him I  'not for a few years.'  He began to laugh and said, "You'll be the oldest person out there working."   

I came to terms with the aging process years ago, but when this was said in front of others, I felt my face redden.  I guess that, for a moment,  I had been transported back to my childhood when the other children used to taunt me.  Although, knowing him, I am aware that he never meant to hurt my feelings, I found his comment was totally inappropriate and I told him so.  These are the kind of things some of us oldsters run into.  In their limited manner of thinking, old age means wrinkled skin and chronic disease and they cannot  the wisdom, serenity, and self-knowledge that represent the harvest of a long life experience.  She is perceived as being jealous of young beauty.  We see this in the tale of Snow White  and Sleeping Beauty as well as with the Halloween witch.  With images like these, is it any wonder we see women racing to the beauty counter at the first sign of a wrinkle?

Fortunately, the Crone is not always portrayed as a hag, but also as the beautiful Lady of Wisdom, as seen with Sophia. She the wise crone, the grandmother who knows all and passes her knowledge on. The crone was a voice of wisdom, an elder, a healer, a counselor, and a teacher.  One type of beauty replaces another beauty. The elder is valued for her age and makes no apologies for her appearance. She is the traditional crone, the  grandmother aspect of the Goddess, a present-day manifestation of the ancient mother goddess who appears as the Trinity of Maiden , Mother and Crone. 

Menopause is a time of great change in a woman's life. That is why it is referred to as the Change of Life. It can be our time of power with renewed self-confidence, energy, and inner beauty. It brings a new freedom for individuation and insight. Outer beauty is never enough for such beauty fades with time.  Only inner beauty remains...the beauty of the heart...the beauty of the soul.

To enter Cronehood is to experience a true rite of passage. Go within and feel the inner strength that you possess. Acknowledge your wisdom, your love and your beauty. You have earned this respect,  from others as well as  from yourself.   No one will ever honor us more than we honor ourselves.

Update on This Morning's Post

I'm trying to look at this as something that wasn't meant to be, but I have to say, I am so, so disappointed.  I was approved.  Tomorrow I was to pick up the rest of the monies at the bank and complete the process.  The apartment was mine....until an hour ago.  Then, I get the apologetic call that the apartment had already been rented...a week ago.  This after I gleefully told everyone on the job that I had it.   Wondering if this is  really true or did someone else came around that is willing to pay more.  He DID take two of us to see the apartment Saturday.  Makes you wonder what really happened.

So, I guess it's back to the drawing board. Thanks so much to all of you for all your support.

Feast of the Stolen Fire

The beautiful fables of the Greeks, being proper creations of the imagination and not of the fancy, are universal verities. What a range of meanings and what perpetual pertinence has the story of Prometheus!-- Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Essays"

On this day, the ancient Greeks celebrated the 'Feast of the Stolen Fire' in honor of the old Titan god, Prometheus, who stole fire from the gods and presented it to mortals, thus saving the human race. For this, he was bound to a mountain and punished for centuries. Many lamps were lit in his honor on this day. 

Fire is a very powerful symbol, human progress did not begin until we established fire. The gift of fire opened the door to so many things such as  cooking our  food, melting metals, and providing  warmth in the winter. It represents the start of civilization, consciousness, new ideas,  and symbolizes man's development of art and technology with its promise to better our lives, but not without respect for it and the gods.

This was a busy weekend for me.  On Saturday, we were apartment hunting the entire day, and I do believe I may have found the place of my dreams.  Now, I just have to wait for the credit check.  I'm now on pins and needles.  I know I passed the last one, but this is a different kind of place.  It's both condos and regular apartments, and they are gorgeous...and hubby decided that it would be best just putting the lease in my name since he is on unemployment.  That way, they only needed my check stubs.  Big mistake, in my book, but I couldn't talk him out of it.  Not only is there still a stigma about renting to women, except for those who are wealthy, but also I am getting up in age, 3 years from retirement.  I have to wonder if they will look at those things.  I think it would have been best to have two incomes on the application.  Even if one is unemployment, it still beats my one salary. 

At any rate, I'm locked into a move date, which is both good and bad.  It's good because there is no backing down now and bad because, 'what if I don't find a place by then?'  What do I do?  This weekend I spoke with my landlady, and she actually got quite angry that I didn't file a police report the other night.  See, she has been harassing me to call the police on the brothers and get reports every chance I get.  This is all a part of their family feud, and I am just tired of it.  She has no concerns over my welfare and safety...absolutely no concerns that I work some late nights and don't want to have to be looking over my shoulder.  No concerns that hubby has a car which they can easily have one of their cohorts vandalize.  No, it's all about her and this feud which she keeps going.  Wish I knew what started it in the first place because the end seems nowhere in sight.  But soon, it won't be my worry anymore.

I'll be sure to let you know as soon as I hear one way or the other.   Keep your fingers crossed.

Home Should Be a Place of Peace

Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them.  --John Shirley

Have a busy weekend lined up.  We've decided to go the real estate route rather than what we have been doing...riding around looking for 'For Rent' signs.  So, this weekend we have appointments to see apartments both on Saturday and on Sunday.  I have to remember to stay focused and keep a clear head about what I want.  Don't want to rush into something just because I am so desperate to get out of here, and now I am more desperate than ever.

Wednesday night we had to call the police.  The two brothers were 'drunk as skunks'.  One was upstairs tearing the house apart.  It sounded like furniture was being tossed across the room.  The other was trying to break down the outside door to get in, and a few times I was sure the door was going to come down.  And, since it was my late night, I'd just gotten home from work and was trying to quietly eat my dinner while watching 'Criminal Minds'.  I began to shake and tears began to well in my eyes.  Hubby dialed '911' and tried to settle me down.  "This is between them.  They're not coming after you."   I know that, but needless to say, I couldn't finish my dinner once all this began.  You work hard all day, you're tired an hungry, and then just as you kick your shoes off to relax, the storm begins...and that's not what a home is about.

Home is a shelter from storms - all sorts of storms. --William J. Bennett

All was quiet by the time the police finally arrived...two hours later.  It was obvious they were both shocked when they discovered what time we had actually called.  Now, that is kind of frightening in itself.  Someone is trying to kick down the door, and takes the '911' operator two hours to report the call.  You'd best believe I reported this. 

I'm going to be 65 in a few months, and I just cannot handle all this stress. I have to get out of there.  Told my landlady last night that this was the clincher.  She was hoping I'd hang for awhile, but, no, I can't sit around waiting for another bomb to fall.  Sooner or later it will take its toll on my health.

So, dear friends, keep your fingers crossed that something turns up for us this weekend.  I'm not going to jump into something, just to have a place to go.  I want something that I will be comfortable in, something that has a good aura about it.  As a loner, I am not interested in what my neighbors are like, but I do want to have a good feeling when I enter the building.

Wishing you all a weekend filled with joy and peace.

Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other.  It is the place of confidence.  It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts.  It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.--Frederick W. Robertson