My New Office Space

I've been talking about it for awhile now, so I thought I would show you all a few pictures I took yesterday of my new office space.   It looks nice, clean, neat, and colorful, but remember that looks can be very deceiving. 

This is our little cubicle.  Four of us sit here.  My seat is to the right.  Notice how we are out in the open.  The hallway and group rooms are right in front of this opening, and clients are continuously back and forth, and leaning over the little walls to interrupt us and chat.  

There is another cubicle right next to ours where three other counselors sit.  They have it worse than us.  They have a hall on both sides...constant interruptions. 

This is one of the wee little group rooms. Fifteen clients plus group facilitator sit in here. Hot and claustrophobic.  

This is my little area of the make-shift desk.  Some of my little guys came with me.  Not much room for them. The flower sings and dances. The frog sings 'Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog.'  The shell was a gift from a client and often I pick it up to hear the sounds of the ocean.    All the wires make it look kind of sloppy, but I've done my best to make it at least a little cheerful. 


I saw four clients in individual sessions yesterday and didn't really have a problem finding a private room to meet.  We have two swing offices, the nurse's office, and group rooms when not in use.  I think the worst of it is the never-ending noise.  There is NEVER a silent moment.  We hear everyone's conversations, phones are constantly ringing. Our clients leave at 1 pm, but the mental health day treatment program is located on the same floor, right next door, so even after our clients leave, we still have those clients wandering about, conveniently getting lost so they can see what's going on on our side. 

The elevator is from 'hell'...an old freight elevator that has seen better days.  I say a little prayer each time I enter it.  Yesterday, it kept getting stuck about two feet from the exit doors, and people had to climb out of it. They say it has been inspected and is not about to crash, but, in any case, I was really thankful that the elevator girl offered me her seat because somehow, it was easier to handle in a seated position.

And finally, can you believe $1.75 for a small bottle of water?  I nearly fell off my chair when I heard that one.  This is such an expensive neighborhood that I just know I will be losing some weight. It just goes to show you that, no matter how bad a situation may seem, there is always some good to find in it.

On Letting Go

Letting go is so much easier said than done. 

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization that I can't control another.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another.
It's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To "let go" is to fear less and to love more. 

--Unknown--

Autumn Thoughts

I know it's a bit early for autumn thoughts; well, maybe not that early.  After all, Labor Day is right around the corner.  Almost time to change my background. Time sure is flying by.  When I stepped out in the yard last night, it surely did feel like fall had arrived.  The aftermath of Irene brought us some wonderful cool temps and such a fantastic breeze; actually, I really shouldn't call 30 miles per hour a breeze, but it felt like heaven brushing against my face after spending the weekend cooped up in a humid, over-crowded household.  

Well, today is the first day at the new place, and they finally got us online.   I don't like the feel of the aura here.  We're all seated on top of each other...each with their own personality with all of its quirks.  And, I'm no angel.  I come with my baggage, too.  This really should prove interesting, to say the least. 

Gone hath the Spring, with all its flowers,
And gone the Summer's pomp and show,
And Autumn, in his leafless bowers,
Is waiting for the Winter's snow.

I said to Earth, so cold and gray,
'An emblem of myself thou art.'
'Not so,' the Earth did seem to say,
'For Spring shall warm my frozen heart.'
I soothe my wintry sleep with dreams
Of warmer sun and softer rain,
And wait to hear the sound of streams
And songs of merry birds again.

But thou, from whom the Spring hath gone,
For whom the flowers no longer blow,
Who standest blighted and forlorn,
Like Autumn waiting for the snow;

No hope is thine of sunnier hours,
Thy Winter shall no more depart;
No Spring revive thy wasted flowers,
Nor Summer warm thy frozen heart.

John Greenleaf Whittier

Hurricanes, Family, and Leaks

First of all, I wanted to thank all of you who showed concern for my safety.  It means so much to know there are people who care.

The worst of it is over.   Irene has passed and the cleanup begins.  Not that we really had any damage, thank goodness, but they have lifted the evacuation warnings, and the other hurricane has left my house.  My sister-in-law and her crew left a short while ago, leaving me to pick up the pieces.  Now is the time to sweep up the crackers and return all my breakables to their proper places.  I've a large collection of the faceless dolls from the Dominican Republic and another collection of angels.  Very breakable so with four children, all under six, it is better to be safe than sorry.  It was an exasperating, noisy 24 hours, to say the least.

But others have had it so much worse so I'm not about to sit and complain.  Some have lost everything.  I heard a news report that said the little bungalows located at Broad Channel in the Rockaways were seen floating down the street.  On the upside, lives that could have been lost were saved....a 12 year old girl who went surfing with her mom watching and two young men who went out kayaking.  For the life of me, I can't understand why excitement means more than one's life...or how could a mother stand there and watch her child do something so dangerous.  I shake my head in disbelief.  And, sadly, from what I here, the storm-related deaths that did occur because of Irene were of people who just didn't heed the warnings.

Just got back online a short while ago.  It was exactly 4:22 am that I was awoken by a knock at my door.  It seems there was a severe leak in my son's room...where the family was staying.  Son volunteered to move to the sofa. A pretty dangerous situation, it was.  Now, being that we are on the first floor, I highly doubt the leak could have come from the roof or maybe it could, I don't know, but it was powerful enough for us to cut the power.  We woke up the man upstairs who checked and said 'it's not from me.  There must be a brick loose.'   Not that I believed him.  He will never admit to doing wrong....and strangely, even though the rain kept on falling, the leak miraculously faded away.  In the morning, the pail was empty.

Hubby and I waited until daylight to check outdoors, and there was no loose brick, not even a crack in the wall...but there was his window directly above my son's room.  Hmm!!!  I wonder.  Can't prove anything, will just have to wait and see the next time it rains.  

All in all, I am glad Irene has passed in more ways than one.  I am thankful that no one died in this storm; it could have been so much worse here.  This time our mayor handled things well, unlike the day of the blizzard.  In my book, it is always better to be safe than sorry.  My house is peaceful and quiet, and I am about to say a prayer of thanks take a nap, but wanted to check in before I did to let you know that all is okay with the world. 

Waiting it Out

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

 

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr--

Isn't that such a beautiful prayer?  In the addiction field, we often hear and say the Serenity Prayer, but not in its entirety. 

 
Just dropping by to wish you all well.  To those in the path of the storm, please be safe, and for goodness sakes, do listen to our officials.  It's still fairly calm here, but I know that there always is a calm before the storm. My supervisor lives on Staten Island, TWO blocks from the ocean, but they refuse to evacuate.  Her hubby just doesn't believe it is going to be as bad as they say it is, and it's obvious they know nothing of dealing with a storm like this.  They're plan for safety is to head for the basement.  That's something you do in a tornado.  In a hurricane, you try to get to higher ground. I've lectured until I was blue in the face so now all I can do is pray for their safety.  By the way, speaking of evacuations...

...this should prove to be a rather interesting weekend, in more ways than one.  Not only is the city warning 'everyone' to stay inside for the duration of the hurricane once it begins, but I will be spending it with one of my 'favorite' people...one of hubby's sisters I had mentioned the other day.  It's really something how you can talk someone up, isn't it?

Well, she does live in an evacuation area and had no place to go.  It's an emergency situation.  I may not be happy about it, but how could I possibly say 'no?'  There is no place for grudges and resentments when lives are at stake, so, I will be riding out two storms, so to speak.  I will be playing hostess to the sister, her daughter, and her daughter's four children...all under the age of six, in my tiny 5 room apartment.  Should be very interesting, to say the least.  

I'm not going to kid myself into thinking that this will be the magic bullet that makes her like me.  I've been through that too many times before and have ended up hurt because of it. So, I'll put on a smile, serve her some tea, and listen to her profuse profession of love for her favorite sister-in-law with the total knowledge that when the storm blows over it will carry with it her newly found love for me, and things will  once again return to normal.  

Be safe, my friends, and those in the path of Irene, please try to let us know how you are.  If all goes well, and the electricity remains, I'll be here as soon as I can.  Blessings to you all.

The Hurricane

As another Friday rolls around, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish all of you a great weekend, and for those of you in the hurricane zone, please be safe.  I'll be battering down the hatches tomorrow, to be sure.  Checked on the evacuation map, and my home is located just outside the evacuation area.  Pays to be prepared, though.  They say this will be the worst storm to hit the city since 1821.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit unnerved.  

My main concern is losing power.  Will be sure to have everyone in the household make sure their phones are charged before the storm hits.   Already have plenty of candles and two flashlights.  Could use a transistor radio if they sell them anymore.  At any rate, our clock radio appears to take batteries so now is a good time to check it out.  Left son a list of things to stock up on today--water, canned goods, and the like.  Hubby will take care of the windows.   We'll be safe.  Don't know it I'll make it to work in the new place on Monday what with the talk of shutting down the trains, but that is getting ahead of myself...one step at a time is the way to go.  

So, be safe, my dear friends.  We're in for a wild ride, to be sure, but if we pay attention, prepare, and listen to the experts, we'll all be okay. 

Lord of the winds! I feel thee nigh,

I know thy breath in the burning sky!

And I wait, with a thrill in every vein,

For the coming of the hurricane!

And lo! on the wing of the heavy gales,

Through the boundless arch of heaven he sails;

Silent and slow, and terribly strong,

The mighty shadow is borne along,

Like the dark eternity to come;

While the world below, dismayed and dumb,

Through the calm of the thick hot atmosphere

Looks up at its gloomy folds with fear.

They darken fast; and the golden blaze

Of the sun is quenched in the lurid haze,

And he sends through the shade a funeral ray--

A glare that is neither night nor day,

A beam that touches, with hues of death,

The clouds above and the earth beneath.

To its covert glides the silent bird,

While the hurricane's distant voice is heard,

Uplifted among the mountains round,

And the forests hear and answer the sound.

He is come! he is come! do ye not behold

His ample robes on the wind unrolled?

Giant of air! we bid thee hail!--

How his gray skirts toss in the whirling gale;

How his huge and writhing arms are bent,

To clasp the zone of the firmament,

And fold at length, in their dark embrace,

From mountain to mountain the visible space.

Darker--still darker! the whirlwinds bear

The dust of the plains to the middle air:

And hark to the crashing, long and loud,

Of the chariot of God in the thunder-cloud!

You may trace its path by the flashes that start

From the rapid wheels where'er they dart,

As the fire-bolts leap to the world below,

And flood the skies with a lurid glow.

What roar is that?--'tis the rain that breaks

In torrents away from the airy lakes,

Heavily poured on the shuddering ground,

And shedding a nameless horror round.

Ah! well known woods, and mountains, and skies,

With the very clouds!--ye are lost to my eyes.

I seek ye vainly, and see in your place

The shadowy tempest that sweeps through space,

A whirling ocean that fills the wall

Of the crystal heaven, and buries all.

And I, cut off from the world, remain

Alone with the terrible hurricane.

William Cullen Bryant

The Inevitable Has Arrived

Unless one says goodbye to what one loves, and unless one travels to completely new territories, one can expect merely a long wearing away of oneself and  eventual extinction.--Jean Debuffet

While my home situation remains in limbo, my work situation is about to change.  The big move is finally on. When I walk out of these doors on Friday at 4:30, I won't be walking back through them again.  Granted, five years is not an enormous amount of time in one's life,  but it doesn't make it any easier to face this transition into a new place....especially when that place is so much smaller than the one you are currently in...when you find out that you will no longer be sharing an office with one person;  instead, you'll be sharing a cubicle with four other people...and you will be sitting right out in the open, right in the middle of the floor.  

There will be no such thing as boundaries, no opportunity to make your space comfy and homelike because clients will have total access to the area.  They will walk out of group,  and there you are.  Yikes!!!  And I complained about boundary issues now?  Not good.  So, now that the move is right around the corner, I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed about the choices I have to make; that is, what will go with me and what will I have to leave behind.  Problem is, everything I have accumulated in these years...and then some since some of the items came with me from my other job...has some meaning to me, little trinkets from clients, gifts from co-workers, a gorgeous little desk clock from hubby, a candy dish from a co-worker when I left my last job, my singing animals, a colorful poster of the Kaballah on my wall.  Not easy choices to make. 

Coping with change isn't easy, but would life be pretty stagnant and boring without it? Many people resist change, and I am guilty on occasion, finding it far more comfortable to drift along day after day in the same old routines, but change is a constant; everyone faces it at some point in their lives, and we often feel overwhelmed by it.  We have two choices when dealing with change. We can fight and resist — or we can surrender and embrace.  We can resolve to make the best of it, or fight it every step of the way...and make ourselves miserable.  It's all up to us.  We can embrace the new, or we can struggle and suffer.   

I've been through far more drastic changes than this in my life, and I have survived.  No sense in lying to myself.  Yes, I WILL miss it here and I probably WILL be quite uncomfortable as I try to adjust.  But,  I will always have my memories of this place, and nothing can take those memories away. They will follow me always, both the good times and the bad, and, as one of the last of the old historical neighborhoods continues to change and modernize, I will move on and I can always say I worked here when it still was a very special place.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.--Anatole France