The Yule Log

The custom of burning the Yule log is said to be the oldest Christmas tradition which actually started before the birth of Christ.  It began as a celebration of the the Winter Solstice or Yule, the darkest time of the year and,  as such,  was treated as sacred time by our ancestors for it meant that  light would once again return to the world. Traditionally, the log is made of ash and is lit on the eve of the solstice with a piece of wood kept from the previous year.    It is then burnt for 12 hours.  The ancient Druids believed that the sparks from a burning log carried their wishes for a prosperous New Year to the gods.

The custom of the Yule Log is from Norway. The ancient Norwegians believed the sun was returning making this a sacred time for them; hence,  they would bring home large logs to burn in recognition of this time. The boars' head feast that happened along with the bonfire would continue until  the logs burned out entirely...with each spark said to represent a new calf or piglet that would  be born that year. They also indulged in the first wine and beer of the year as well at Yule. At the feast, the Norse would drink toasts to Odin, Njoror and Freyr, for victory, peace and good harvests, and then to whoever happened to be king at the time.

Alas, I have never had a real Yule Log despite the fact that it is one of my favorite parts of Yule.  I just have never had a fireplace.  I was really excited when I saw the ad for the apartment I live in now for it mentioned a bedroom fireplace.  Unfortunately,  what the ad had neglected to  mention was that the chimney and the fireplace had been boarded up many years ago, and although I still have the mantle and the mirror above it, I have a non-working fireplace.  (Sigh)

Fortunately, though, I will be enjoying a Yule Log....albeit, one of the chocolate variety.  From what I gather, it was sometime during the 19th century the Yule Log became a dessert. French confectioners called  the cake "Buche De Noel". In most countries this cake is stylised much like a Swiss roll and is covered in chocolate icing giving it the appearance of a log;  the internal cake is often layered with butter cream. The cake is then decorated with Christmas themed objects such as Holly, fondant leaves, berries, and other outdoorsy decorations.. This version of Yule log is now better known than the ancient tradition that emulates.

There are some Christmas traditions such as ribbon candy have followed me since childhood, but the chocolate Yule Log is one begun with my new family, and hopefully, my sons will carry it on.  So, without fail, at 12 midnight on Christmas Eve, the log is cut, and hungry or not, everyone must take a bite, for it brings love and luck throughout the year.  

Within the hall are song and laughter,
  The cheeks of Christmas glow red and jolly,
And sprouting is every corbel and rafter
  With the lightsome green of ivy and holly;
Through the deep gulf of the chimney wide
Wallows the Yule-log's roaring tide;
The broad flame-pennons droop and flap
  And belly and tug as a flag in the wind;
Like a locust shrills the imprisoned sap,
  Hunted to death in its galleries blind;
And swift little troops of silent sparks,
  Now pausing, now scattering away as in fear,
Go threading the soot-forest's tangled darks
  Like herds of startled deer.

--James Russell Lowell, from 'The Vision of Sir Launfal--

Day 15 : Something or Someone you Couldn’t Live Without, Because you’ve Tried Living Without it.

This was an easy one, one that I didn't have to give much though to.  It goes without saying that I could 'never' live without my family, but the answer must be about  something I HAVE tried living without, and I have never tried to live without my family.  Now, on the other hand, when our internet went down at work,  I have to admit that  I found myself going through withdrawals.  I actually found myself using the internet on my cell phone, and  although I learned how to maneuver Yahoo email, I just couldn't seem to log into Blogland.  Oh, I felt so cut off and alone. 

It's hard to believe that I am only about five years into the world of computers.  Oh, I have had  one at work, but I hadn't discovered the world of Yahoo groups nor the world of blogging.  At the most, I did my work and then played some of the games.  And then, when my sister-in-law gave me a computer the school system was going to throw away,  I was overjoyed; that is, until I turned it on.   In start-up mode it sounded like one of those old jalopies whose engine was having a hard time turning over, and with all its sputtering, I knew that I shouldn't get too attached to it.  And slow?  Hey, I'm not even going to go there... 

...so, you can imagine my surprise and total sense of joy when hubby surprised me with a brand new HP computer on Christmas, 2005.  It was so fast, I didn't know what to do with myself.  I could play games, do research, even earn my degree.    My goodness, I can no longer remember what it was like to wonder about things without being able to look them up on the internet.  And typewriters.  Remember them?  I completed most of my degree with a book and my old typewriter.    

Yes, it is true that since that time,  the computer has become intertwined with almost every aspect of my life....and I bet most of you think that that is my answer will be, but if you think it is the computer that I can't live without, you are wrong.  It is you, my dear blog friends, all of you, who I missed the most that day I had to go without.  The moment I got home that day I raced to the computer and the first place I headed?....Blogland.  Yes, it is all of you I can not do without...

...for some of the deepest friendships of my life have been with people I have never seen. ..my online friends.  It was with the help of my online friends that I was finally able to toss my cigarettes, and it was another online friend that opened my up to the world of Avalon and the Avalonian Tradition.  I lost her in December of last year, but she will always remain in my heart....and it was through another online friend that I learned that Blogland exists.  For that, I thank you Sobeit.  And now, I have all of you in my life, and I am so overwhelmed with the love that finds its way across the miles...and I no longer feel alone.  I love you all.

Friendship is so much more than a word, a handshake, and a smile.
It's the ability to see the inner beauty in someone.

Vonda K. Van Dyke

Christmas Through the Eyes of a Child

Well, it is back to work day for me, and it wasn't easy climbing out of bed at 5:30.  I'd become spoiled with sleeping in...that, and the fact that I had been sleeping in has thrown off my sleeping pattern so I had difficulty falling asleep.  We had some snowflakes this morning...nothing major, only a few flurries, but it sure served as a reminder that winter is really here.

If I had influence with the good fairy who is
supposed to preside over the christening of all
children, I should ask that her gift to each child
in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible
that it would last throughout life, as an unfailing
antidote against the boredom and disenchantments
of later years, and the sterile preoccupation with
things that are artificial, the alienation from
the sources of our strength.
--Rachel Carson, The Sense of Wonder--

Over the weekend I watched the movie, If You Believe.   The film is about stressed out book editor who lost Her sense of wonder and awe years ago...and her inner child shows up to show her how to find it again.  Not a great movie, but I love the premise behind it....if we could just see Christmas time again through childhood eyes....feeling once again this thrill of a child's anticipation....and forget the rushed commercial world with all its frustration that Christmas has become.... 

....Indeed, for many of us,  Christmas is a time of great stress. Hearts and feelings have grown cold and hard instead of being filled with joy and love. We worry about where the money will come from to purchase all of those gifts we feel obligated to buy.  The, we stress over finding the perfect gifts and  worry about whether they will like the gift you present to them....and then we fear that  they will be disappointed. Yes, we have sight of these deeper joys that we saw through childhood eyes.

As children we had the uncanny ability to find magic in everything...  whether it be our own back yards or the path we took on our way to school in the morning. I can still remember the excitement I felt as a kid, especially when I still believed in Santa Claus.  I remember the thrill of hearing Santa and his reindeer on my roof...and then we begin to grow older, and one day someone tells us that Santa does not exist.  I can still remember that day.  I was playing on the swings with some neighborhood children who broke the news, the news that sent me racing home in tears.  And, as I look back on it, that was the day that the magic left.  That is when we lose that belief in things that we cannot see....

....but it need not be that way.   Christmas never has to lose the magic we  experienced as children because we have a choice; we can relive it year after year.  Santa lives on in our hearts.   We only need to look for him.  The magic of Christmas is in the eyes of the believer and in the imagination and hearts of us all.  Those two magic words "Merry Christmas" can never ever be erased. 

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love
of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having,
in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.

--Laura Ingalls Wilder--

  

New Moon in Sagittarius

Today's New Moon falls in the third 'fire' sign 
of the zodiac, Sagittarius.   This New Moon makes no major aspects to other planets; the Sun and Moon sit alone in the heavens. The New Moon, as the beginning of a new lunar cycle, signifies rebirth, beginnings, and the start of a new cycle, and, since this  is the end of the year,  it is time to look at what we have accomplished this past year. Where is it that we stand in all areas of our life?  This might be a good time to let go of the past and our old way of doing things and become willing to open the door for new and different possibilities.  Sagittarius represents religion, philosophy, travel; hence, this might be a good time for you to initiate new projects relating to these areas of your life. 

This New Moon is also a great  time to focus on your intentions for the upcoming year in order to begin moving  forward with your life.  In fact,  this New Moon, along with other planetary events, can help us to make powerful changes by going deep within and being honest with ourselves and discovering our motives as well as  what we truly want out of our lives, what we hope to achieve.  The Sagittarius influence gives us that added nudge to embrace those ideas we once thought to be impossible.  Use the fire of Sagittarius for inspiration to widen the gates of your perception  and open yourself to new views and philosophies of life....

....and only a few hours after this New Moon, Uranus, the great Awakener, the sign of sudden and  unexpected changes will go direct in the last sign of the Zodiac, Pisces, the sign of spirituality, mysticism, intuition, and dreams; it  will remain there until March, 2011 when it will then enter the sign of Aries, the sign of new beginnings.  While Uranus has been retrograde, we have been making changes within ourselves, and many have us have experienced some type of  inner turmoil.   When a planet goes direct, its energy shifts from internal to external.  Hence, once Uranus begins to move forward,  we can begin bringing those changes to our outer world...

...and, as  Uranus completes this  7 year passage through Pisces, be prepared to expect the unexpected. The power of Uranus can help us to let go of the past and move beyond our fears of change.  Our challenge and gift we have before us is the creation of a new reality...but first, we must listen carefully within to that which wants to be formed and open to inner guidance as to our next steps. 

Mercury will once again turn retrograde on December 10th  in the earth sign of Capricorn, but it will back up into Sagittarius. (Just thought I would throw this one in to warn you, but I don't think this retrograde will affect us as the others.) Mercury turns retrograde for three times a year for approximately three weeks at a time.  This Mercury retrograde period will  provide an opportunity to listen to our inner guidance and to look for divine inspiration as transmitted to us from within. Mercury will turn direct on December 30th  in the fire sign Sagittarius, just in time for New Year's Eve.

Many of us will be looking for a deeper meaning during this month of celebration while others will begin to experiment with new traditions. Personally, I feel we have a very exciting time ahead of us with all these endings and opportunities for new beginnings. I am looking forward to seeing how it all comes into fruition.

Miracles

People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth.  Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize:  a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child--our own two eyes.  All is a miracle. --Thich Nhat Hanh

My vacation has just about ended, and I have to admit, it was far different than I had originally planned.  Before taking my leave, all I could think about was spending the week lounging around in my flannels, never leaving the house, drinking hot cocoa loaded with marshmallows , watching Christmas flicks on the Hallmark channel, and catching up on my reading.  But, it certainly  didn't go the way it had been planned... but you won't hear any complaints from me.   Just about every day...in fact, every day except for  Wednesday when we had the storm, I found a reason to get dressed and get out of the house...and each day, brought something new and wondrous to behold.  I've been missing out on so much....

...Take yesterday, for example.  I had some packages to mail, so it was off to the post office.  I had thought of calling a cab because the post office  is actually a subway stop away, and the bag was heavy.  I could actually have taken the subway, but I just didn't have it in me to climb all those steps...so, I decided to walk.  If I ran into problems, I could always set the bag down and rest,  and besides, I have a cell phone now.  If need be, I could call a cab, but that didn't happen.  Instead, I ended up spending some quality time in the park. The sun wasn't out, and the day was actually kind of gloomy, and there was quite a chill in the air;  the sky actually held that  look of snow...although I knew it was still too warm.  But, it was nice to close my eyes and imagine the snow gently falling on my cheeks. Cold as it was, it was an enjoyable time.   In summer, there is usually so much hustle and bustle in the park that it is virtually impossible to totally relax , but in the winter, all the children are all in school, and there is a lot of peace and serenity.  

Ah, yes, winter!  I love it so much better than the summer's heat.  I always say you can always pile on the clothes to get warm, but you can't always cool off.  And, there is nothing quite like the sight of a winter morn.... the sun rising over the horizon , the tree branches covered in a dusting of fresh powdery snow. The neighborhood has a continuous white blanket beginning to glimmer and sparkle as morning sun takes it's position in the sky, and if the sun is  not out, what you see is the world in a beautiful shade of gray....making the morning all that more mysterious.  And, as you take in the view, it's as if all your worries are forgotten for awhile for all you can focus on is the calm of the morning and the warmth of your home as you press your hand up against the frosty window. There is no one around...just the cardinals frolicking about and the squirrels leaving their  marks in the snow before anyone else can... 

....but,  before long, we tire of the cold and once again  begin to look towards spring, a time when rebirth occurs. Then arrives Summer, and once again,  everything is in full bloom. All the trees have a head full of green color.  And before we know it, Autumn arrives; this is the time when everything begins to wind down as nature gives us a beautiful  show of colors from the trees;  the  animals begin to find it's place to hibernate, and we once again begin to prepare for the festivities, to prepare for the cold weather that is to come. Finally, we arrive in winter where silence becomes to become apparent. The trees stand tall fighting against the cold, he animals are now snugly hidden away waiting for clearance to come out again. 

This is the true miracle...the miracle of life...of the cycle birth, death, and rebirth. Everything we know has cycles.  Nature in all its finery shows us the way; she shows us the cycles of life. And, yes, that is truly a miracle.  And when it is all said and done,  humanity, too,  and our cycle of life,  is just a part of nature as well.  That makes us a miracle as well.  All is a miracle, and all is well.

Nature gives to every time and season some beauties of its own;
and from morning to night, as from the cradle to the grave,
it is but a succession of changes so gentle and easy
that we can scarcely mark their progress.

--Charles Dickens--

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

We don't have choices about who our parents are and how they treated us,
but we have a choice about whether we forgive our parents and heal ourselves.--Bernie Siegel

Dear Daddy,

Christmas is right around the corner, and as usual, I've been thinking of you.  I know it was mom who did the Christmas shopping.  She bought all the presents and tucked them under the tree, but I know you took your time to shop for that one special present....that car or truck that made ME the little boy you never had.  And, I always took great joy in those gifts, tomboy that I was.   Today's truth is to write a letter to a hero who let you down.  That was you, Daddy. 

I think to  just about every little girl, every little child, for that matter,  their first hero is their daddy.  We look up to our fathers; to a small child they become like Gods. They can do no wrong.  But then  one day, you notice that your daddy is actomg funny.  You can't put your finger on it because you are too young to understand.   All you know is that sometimes he acts silly telling jokes and slurring his words, and other times he can be so mean that you run and hide for fear instilling his wrath.  You see him drinking beer every night, and it usually happens after he's had a few,  but it can't be bad, can it?   After all, doesn't both daddy and grandpa  give you sips?  So, how bad can it be?

Then, as you get a little older, you begin to here your friends whispering things about your dad, and soon they begin teasing you...calling your dad names and asking if your daddy's second job is holding up the bar stools.  I was still too young to understand, and I suppose my friends were, too.  They were probably repeating what they heard their parents say.  Then one Friday night you didn't come home; in fact, you were gone for most of the weekend, and when you finally did come home, I heard Mom yelling at you for getting into a bar fight and ending up in jail.  What will the neighbors think? was all she seemed to be worried about.   And you just stood there listening to her yell and call you names, your head held down, eyes looking to the floor.

And, that is where you let me down, Daddy.  I forgave you a long time ago for your drinking.  I realize now that you had a disease....a family disease.  Your father, your mother, your grandparents...your entire family were drinkers, and you learned no other way of living.  But you never stood up for yourself, and you never stood up for me.  When Mom was saying all those mean things to me, you never said a word.  You allowed it to happen.  You listened as she berated and condemned your family, and when she ordered you never to take me for a visit, you listened, and as a result, it took me many, many years to find out who I really was. 

But, that was then, and this is now.  I'm older now, older than you were when you passed away, daddy,  and I've gone through a lot in my life. And each holiday season I find myself missing you more and more.  I'm stronger now than you could ever have imagined I might be, and my heart is filled with forgiveness...for both of you.  Merry Christmas Daddy and Mommy. 

We inherit from our ancestors gifts so often taken for granted--our names, the color of our eyes and the texture of our hair, the unfolding of varied abilities and interests in different subjects. . . . Each of us contains within our fragile vessels of skin and bones and cells this inheritance of soul.  We are links between the ages, containing past and present expectations, sacred memories and future promise.  Only when we recognize that we are heirs can we truly be pioneers.--Edward C. Sellner

 

Growing Older

Youth is not a time of life--it is a state of mind.  Nobody grows old
by merely living a number of years; people grow old by deserting their ideals.
Years may wrinkle your skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles your soul.
You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubts; as young as your
self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.
In the central place of your heart there is a recording chamber; so long as it
receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, and courage--so long are you young.
When the wires are all down and your heart is covered with the snow
of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then--and only then--are you grown old.

--Douglas MacArthur--

I've been on vacation this week, and so far I have found myself  running about much more than when I am working.  Granted, the holiday season is upon us, and there is much that has to be done, but I also wanted this vacation to be a time of rest....and, today,  when I look at the calendar, I've only four more days before I have to go back.  Quickest eleven days I ever spent, but that's the way of time....

....so yesterday's rainstorm was, indeed, a much needed gift from Mother Nature...sort of a forced vacation, so to speak..  And, oh, what a magnificent day it was!  To me, the sound of the rain pouring down on the window pane  can be so beautiful and healing.  It seems to make everything okay, and then,  add to that, the howling winds, and it was a blessed day to stay indoors.  During the morning, I just lounged around in bed and caught up on some reading;  then, when my son got up, together we finished my Christmas village.  The only sad thing that happened was, when I got down on the floor to sort some books, I literally could not get back up.  It made me aware of how age is creeping up on me.  Well, I can't blame it all on aging.  I have put on a lot of weight in a short bit of time....I was 145 lbs when I stopped smoking on July 4, 2009.  The last time I weighed myself I was 207.  A gift for myself this year is going to be a healthier diet.  Nonetheless, it was a bit disheartening to me because I can remember back to the days when I scrubbed and waxed my floors on my knees and never had a problem.  Hence, it gave me some cause for reflection....

...I can't walk as quickly, take the stairs as well, carry as much, stay up as late, or work as hard as I once did.  I've accepted that I am aging, but this physical part of it , this is the part I am having trouble with.  My mind and my thoughts remain the same.  Knowledge grows daily and time seems to pass more rapidly.  Mentally, emotionally, I am still so much younger.  I enjoy playing practical jokes on others, coloring, even still love paper dolls, but there are other things I can no longer do....

....yet, when I take a step back and reflect on the memories of my life, what once was a struggle is now a beautiful memory of a time of growth and maturity. Perceptions filled with the emotions of a time that was taken for granted for I was always moving far too fast to stop and enjoy the linear landscape of my life as it passed on by.  Yes, there has been much struggle and turmoil, yet I now can see the significance of experience.  Perhaps the ability to slow down is a gift and not a hindrance.  Aging deals with being more thankful every year for what we have and what we have been given. 

Yes, I am aging and my body is betraying me, but  I will continue to invite every morning  to pull me into another wonderful day to celebrate this life.

A good old age can be the crown of all our life's experiences,
the masterwork of a lifetime.  Behind us are years of actions
and thoughts that developed us, changed us--and the world--for
the better or the worse.  We know in our inner selves which
they had been and to what goal they have led.

Helen Nearing