Fear of the Darkness

I don't know what to say; it is just so unbelievable hot here in the city.  We actually reached 103 yesterday, and they say the temperature of the asphalt was 120...and you all know that asphalt IS the city...so, just because the temp says 103, it doesn't necessarily feel 103.  It feels so much hotter.  To be honest, it was a blessing to be able to spend the day at work in the central air....Bet you never expected to hear me say that, did you?...but that just goes to show you how hot is is...It is so hot that I burnt my hand on the doorknob when I arrived at home last night...(In late afternoon the sun beats down on the front of my house.)  The only relief yesterday was when darkness came.

Speaking of darkness, hubby and I were watching a show on the History Channel last night called "Fear of the Darkness". The show was basically about our ancestors and what made them fear the darkness.  At first, I didn't pay much attention, I was so drained from the heat, but I lay there listening, and eventually perked up to listen.  It wasn't the greatest of shows and was somewhat disappointing in that I thought that at some point they might get into archetypes and our current fears of the darkness, but I guess they just left that for us to piece together.  I will say, though, they had some of the most magnificent shots of the Moon and the darkness that I have ever seen. 

Among the reasons mentioned in the show to account for fear of darkness in the West was traced to the fear of Satan.  It seems that old Satan has been around far longer than Christianity; in fact, thousands of years ago, before Christianity, Satan wasn't thought of as real.  He was merely a concept our earliest ancestors used to explain away misfortune, disease, and death.  It wasn't until the advent of Christianity that Satan became real. Early Christians held the belief that Satan stalked the darkness, that, in fact, he had been banished to the hours of darkness which were more suited to his needs. And they believed he could shapeshift into any animal he wanted to--crow, wolf.  Hence, any encounter with a wild animal at night was viewed as an encounter with Satan.  Nighttime was viewed as the devils's unholy kingdom on earth.

Thousands of years ago predators roamed about the night, and it is estimated that anywhere from 6 to 10 percent of early humans were preyed upon by wild animals during the night time hours.  It was extremely dark before the advent of lights and crime, also, offered a atmosphere of danger...from the landscape surrounding them, as well as from thieves.  The sounds of the night created voices; the wind sounded like a wolf howling.  They called it "The Cry of the Dark".  Gradually, tales of wolf attacks were added to the folklore, and the boundary between what was real and what was supernatural melded together in stories of werewolves and vampires.  One such legend is the tale of Dracula. Vlad the Impaler was a real person; he was a cruel and ruthless tyrant, and it is estimated that 100,000 people were put to death on his orders.  The only way the people could explain his evil and wickedness was through tales of the supernatural.  They also had a fear that the dead might come back to haunt the living.  They feared the ghosts and spirits that roamed the countryside in the darkness of the night. 

In my opinion, this all points to a fear of the unknown.  We are scared of what we cannot see because our survival instinct kicks in. People fear the unknown and helplessness.  Darkness is a symbolic representation of both.  We aren't really scared of the darkness; we are scared of what could be in the darkness.  Humans have a tendency to dislike and fear what they don't understand or know. In darkness, everything is hidden. 

I've never been afraid of the dark...even as a child.  I think the only time I ever had a fear of the night when was when I had picked up a case of intestinal worms at about the age of 8; this brought on some very intense nightmares which stopped abruptly when I was cured. Oh, and then there was the time when I first read "The Amityville Horror."  I was an adult at the time, but I was afraid to look out the window for fear the pigs would be looking out at my, or when I read "The Entity" and was afraid of being raped by this energy being.  But, those were the only two books that really scared me. 

Yes, I love the night. There was nothing more enjoyable to me than camping out in my backyard...and once everyone fell asleep, coming out of my tent and just sitting there listening to the sounds of the night. The neighborhood was in darkness, and I became a part of a whole other world.  Even now, it's hard for me to fall asleep and stay asleep...and stepping out into my backyard when the world around me is fast asleep is so soothing to me.  


So, how about you?  Are you afraid of the dark?


 

Summer Heat

Before I begin, I want to apologize to anyone who commented.  It seems Blogger is erasing comments as I try approve.  This is happening on all my blogs, and I just don't want anyone to feel I am 'dissing' them in anyway.  Please accept my apologies. 

What can I say about today!  It's hot; we're going up over a hundred degrees...and will be hot and humid all week.  It's not easy dealing with this.  Thankfully, the subways are downright cold, but the subway stations leave a lot to be desired...unbearable heat, dreadful stench.  


Yesterday, it was so hot, my son and I were filling bowls of water for the outdoor animals, those that can find no relief. We have a mother cat and her four kittens, squirrels, birds...Then, in the heat of the afternoon, my son stepped outdoors and came back in...shaken.  At the foot of the stairs lay a poor squirrel.  We think the poor creature came for some water and was jumped by a cat and killed.  Together, we buried the poor little thing and said a prayer.  Later, I mentioned that because of the heat, our backyard was becoming much like the wild. 

It's times like this that I begin to wonder about how did our ancestors manage through all this heat and humidity without having the luxury of electricity or air conditioning.  How did they survive...or perhaps, we have become so spoiled with all of our technological appliances that we feel the heat more than they did?  I wonder. 

I'd like to leave you now with this little prayer I found.
 

Honor the sacred.

Honor the Earth, our Mother.

Honor the Elders.

Honor all with whom we

share the Earth--

Four-leggeds, two-leggeds,

winged ones,

Swimmers, crawlers,

plant and rock people.

Walk in balance and beauty.

--Native American Elder--

Spiritual Independence

And a wonderful day after the 4th to everyone...I know, most of you are probably tired from your day of celebration.  I am just tired; perhaps I may be bored.  I've been off since Wednesday and, aside from late evenings in my backyard, I have not left my house...and the longer I stay without going out, the more comfortable I feel at home, but perhaps it is not as comfortable as I like to think.  Otherwise, I wouldn't be bored, right?

Last night was kind of muggy outside, but there was just the slightest of a breeze that made it bearable.  I was thinking about the 4th, and all the meaning behind it, and, of course, my ancestors came to mind.  Independence comes in many forms.  There is both the freedom that we Americans cherish, but also a freedom to worship as we please...a freedom of religion and spirituality...not to confuse one with the other.  To me, there is a big difference between the two.  Religious people are not necessarily spiritual people and vice versa.  My early ancestors were actually very, very religious people, but were they spiritual?



The early 17th century was a time of great social upheaval in England as many new Protestant sects began to challenge the beliefs of the Church of England. As a result, many believers set out to the new world in search of religious freedom.  And so it was that, in the early 1600's, my ancestors braved the dangerous waters  to escape religious persecution and settle in the new world. Most of them settled in Massachusetts and finally were able to worship as they pleased.  My early ancestors were Puritans, those who had grown disgruntled with the Church of England.  They believed that the Bible was God's true law and that it provided a plan for living. They believed that the devil was behind every deed so they were under a constant watch to stay away from his clutches.  

The doctrine of predestination kept them all constantly working to do good in this life so they would be chosen for the next eternal one, and their common unity strengthened their community. In a foreign land surrounded by hardship it was their spiritual bonds helped them through the tough times.  Over time, Puritanism became less dogmatic...and also less prevalent, but in the early days before the Salem Witch trials, my ancestors dreamed of forming a pure Godly form of followers, and anyone who didn't comply was asked to leave the compound.

The late 1600's brought the Salem Witch Trials, an event in our country's history which will forever be regarded as one of our most tarnished moments.  The trials brought about the hanging of nineteen innocent men and women.  A strong belief in the devil, a recent smallpox outbreak, and the fear that warring tribes were about to attack created fertile ground for the fear and suspicion that led to the witch hunts.  One of the victims was one of my oh so great uncles, John Proctor, of  "The Crucible" fame.  John was actually the first male to be named as a witch in Salem.  To this day, the actual location of his body is unknown, but it is most likely he was tossed into a ditch...unfit for a Christian burial due to witchcraft. May his pride, courage, and honesty are an inspiration to us all.

It was about this time, also, that my Dutch ancestors were settling in New York City which, at the time, was called "New Amsterdam.  They were your early Baptists.  They, too, were struggling to break away from the Church of England.  One of their first missions was the quest for complete religious liberty, and they made no secret of their determination to obtain religious freedom not only for themselves, but for all persons--Christian and non-Christians.  They believed in free-will rather than the Puritan doctrine of predestination and placed strong emphasis on the individual's search for personal salvation.

Time never stands still, and neither did my ancestors who--both Baptist and Puritan--migrated to New Jersey in the 1700's and along with their migrations, many of their previous religious beliefs were forgotten.  This was a new generation, a generation in search something new, and they found it in the newly emerging Methodism religion, but even that was to undergo changes.  By the end of the century there was the Methodist Protestant and the Methodist Episcopal, and my ancestors were split between the two.  In one family alone, my 5th great grandfather was a Baptist and one of his sons, a Baptist minister while my 4th great grandfather, his other son,  attended the Episcopal Church.


And, in the 1800's when my ancestors from Ireland arrived, and it seems that my ancestors once again came together...as Episcopalians which appeared to carry through well into the 20th century.  My grandparents, my mom, my dad, and myself were Episcopalians...not the strict churchgoers of ancestors past, but that was our religion.  When I was a child, I attended church on Sundays after an hour of Sunday school, and also attended special functions, but nothing more.  I can't remember my mom going to church except for my communion. And as I grew older, I was given the freedom to choose my own spiritual path...just as I have done for my sons.

And here I am, in the 21st century, a Interfaith minister, following the Druid path...not a religion per se, but a spirituality that encompasses a respect for life and a belief in the interconnectedness of all things.  I believe not in one God, but in many Gods and Goddesses.  I believe in the planets, in astrology, in the wonder of nature.  I believe in fairies, in the Otherworld, in reincarnation and the cycle of life...much the same of my most ancient of ancestors.  Yes, I have come full circle. 

Yes, I am a Druid, and I am free to say that today. The day has passed that I would have feared burning at the stake.  That is a part of our country's past, and although it is still happening in some parts of the world, here, in this country, we are blessed and free to believe.  So, although we may not believe as our ancestors did and may find their tenets quite harsh, their quest for religious freedom, the courage it took to seek it out... this was their gift to us. 

Happy July 4th

And I'm proud to be an American,

Where at least I know I am free.

And I won't forget the men who died,

Who gave that right to me.

--Lee Greenwood--

Wishing all of you a safe and Happy July 4th.

Also wanted to share with you that this is also my own personal Independence Day.  One year smoke free today. Check out my stats below.

One year, 9 hours, 26 minutes and 4 seconds. 5480 cigarettes not smoked, saving $2,685.64. Life saved: 2 weeks, 5 days, 40 minutes.

Independence Day

Many people tend to forget the true meaning of Independence Day...instead focusing on the fireworks, their BBQ's, picnics...a three-day getaway weekend.  And while all this is grand, we mustn't forget why we celebrate this holiday, and, although we may dress up in in our nation's colors of red, white, and blue,  do we know the true meaning of our flag?  July 4th, 1776 was the day we became a free country.  This day is to celebrate the birth, the independence, of our country...the United States of America.  This is the time to celebrate our freedom and our liberty, to celebrate the lives who fought that we may be free. I'd like to honor some of my ancestors who fought for our freedom.

Captain Peter Dickerson was born in Southhold, New York in 1724 and migrated to New Jersey, settling in Morris County.  He was a member of the First Provincial Congress of 1776 and a captain of the 5th company of the 3rd Battalion of the first established Continental Army. It is said that he paid all the expenses for the equipment of his company out of his own pocket, and that that money that he advanced stands to his credit today in Washington, still unpaid.

Mark Walton, b. 1758 in Pequannock, New Jersey.  He was a Captain in the Morris County Militia. He died 22 August 1817.  

And his father, Jacob Walton, who went off to the war and was never heard from again.  It is possible that he is the Jacob Walton who died in the Battle of Germantown, Pennsylvania.

The Continental Army was established in 1775 by order of the Continental Congress.  New Jersey was requested to raise two battalions.  Enlistment eligibility required that enlistees must be able bodied 'freemen' of age 16 or older.  Pay was $5 per month, and recruits would serve until the end of the war.  An estimated 3,000 men served. 

My 5th great-grandfather, John Pollard, from Piscataway who served in the New Jersey Continental Line and Regiment. a teamster in Colonel Munson's brigade.  And his son, John Bradford Pollard.

And my 5th great grandfather, Francis Leighton, b. 22 July 1732 in Ipswich, Massachusetts.  His son, Reuben, my 4th great grandfather, b. January, 1762.  Reuben enlisted in Company G, 5th Cavalry Brigade.  He received the Distinguished Service Award.   


Josiah Prescott of of Salisbury, Massachusetts, served in Captain John Peabody's company.


Oliver Prescott, son of the Honorable Benjamin Prescott.  When the war broke out, he enlisted and in 1776, he was appointed Brigadier General.

"Do not fire until you see the whites of their eyes."--Colonel William Prescott

Colonel William Prescott, Commander of the The Battle of Bunker Hill. Prescott was chosen to lead 1,200 men to erect defenses for Bunker Hill on the night of June 16, 1775.  The next day his troops, already tired from other defensive works and possessing limited ammunition, formed the centerpiece of American defenses when the British attacked. The assault was furious, but Prescott's men twice threw back the British soldiers, but it was hopeless.  Prescott ordered his men to retreat.  He was the last of the men to leave continuing to thrust with his bayonet.   Throughout his life, he served in the militia.  


Oliver Hildreth, Jonah Hildreth, Abijah Hildreth from Colonal James Prescott's regiment who 'marched from home for defense of ye Colony, against the ministerial troops and continued in service until ordered back to take care of the Tories in Townsend."

From Southhold, Long Island: Thomas Bartlett, John Bartlett, John Bartlett, Richard Bartlett, Richard Bartlett, Sr....John, Jonathan, and Nathan Wheeler

Captain Cyrus Dehart of Elizabethtown, New Jersey..an officer in the army of the Revolution

Isaac List 

Major General Philemon Dickerson, leading General of the Militia of New Jersey.  
 

And there are so many, many more who I have not found yet.  Thank you for your service...and on this special day, know that you are loved and remembered...that your did not fight in vain.  Ours is a free country. 

 

Letting Go

 "I didn't sleep at all last night...tossing and turning.  I turn on the light and then while it's burning..." Bobby Lewis, 1962

Good morning, everyone.  Seems like lately, all these old lyrics are popping up in my head. Wonder what it means.  Well, last night I had a pretty rough night of it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sleep for any length of time.  I'd doze anywhere from a few minutes to 30 minutes and then be awake again, tossing and turning.  And it all seemed to be stemming from my dreams...all having to do with my job...and the central figure in each dream was my supervisor.  Gosh, even on vacation, I can't seem to let it go.


Letting go. Letting go is one of the hardest lessons we have to learn, and in life, we will have to let go of situations, persons, things, and memories. It is so easy to form an attachment to people or things and can be a very painful experience when you realize it is time to let go. And, I have been fighting it...however, there comes the time when you or the other person has changed to the extent that it is necessary to let go of the relationship or the friendship. When I thought about it this morning,  I realized that that's what the dreams were trying to tell me...that it is time to let go...not so much of the job...but of relationships that are no longer friendships...that, indeed, have gone from that of co-worker to superviser...relationships that can return to what they once were...no matter how much I may try to hang on and not let go. 

It was about seven years ago when I began working with Jane (name is changed).  At that time, we were both counselors working side by side, and we fast became friends; we had such a great time together. On our lunch hours, we would play computer games to see who would get the highest score, go shopping, or just go sit in the park and talk about nothing specific. For me, this was especially meaningful for I am quite the loner...and ironically, so is she.  I enjoy being with myself, and it takes a lot for me to open up and allow others into my life. I've always been a loner and sadly, have had few friends in my life.  I've had many acquaintances, but that's not the same as have a true friend. I guess I have just been hurt too many times by people I trusted and allowed in. We needed each other at this time in our lives.


Moving forward...I left that job and began working where I am now.  Jane continued working at the old job and went back to school for her social work degree.  We drifted apart.  Oh, we kept in contact on occasion, but not enough to keep a friendship going.  Then, three years later, I learn that she obtained her degree and would be coming to work with us...as my supervisor.  


I don't know what made me think that things would immediately go back to the way they once were; that is so unrealistic.  After all, not only have several years passed, but so has our situations.  As human beings, we remain as equals; as workers, our titles have changed.  She is the boss, and I am the employee. and as the boss, she will continue to give me paperwork back to do silly, minor adjustments...such as a check mark  here or there, something she very well could have checked off for me rather than giving it back as redo...or the constant influx of intakes I find in my box. Or, when she goes over my work with a magnifying glass...almost as if hoping to find a flaw. (She forgets that it was I who taught her how to do most of these things.)  

"Letting go does not mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be."--Anonymous

See!!!!  Gosh, just writing about it tightens my stomach in a knot of stress.  So, as I see it, the dreams were telling me it is time to let go of something that isn't there anymore.  By doing so, I can alleviate a lot of added stress, the stress of wondering why my FRIEND would give me all this extra work to do, why my FRIEND will be so extra picky in the things I do, yet let others get away with things I would NEVER think of doing.  Perhaps she is just as uncomfortable in this situation as I have been.  Perhaps she is this way because this is her first management job.  I don't know.  All I do know is this...if I stop thinking of her as a friend...and put our positions in proper prospective, I am sure I will alleviate that stress that comes from "Why would she do this to me?  She is my friend?"  

Reading back over this post , I realize it might have come off as a bit selfish on my part...but really, I wasn't expecting any special treatment; I was just not looking at the circumstances as they really are. Sometimes it is just so hard for me to move on. It is time to move forward, to let go of what is no longer there, and to be more at peace with myself.  

Is there someone or something that you are having difficulty letting go of?

Thursday Ramble

 
"Mama said there'd be days like this; there'll be days like this, my mama said...(Mama said, Mama said)"  Anyone out there remember this old song from the Shirelles....Anyone remember them?

What a great day it is!!!!  I'm home, I'm in my jammies, and no work until Tuesday.  When I saw we were closed on Monday for the holiday, I jumped at the chance to add a few extra days off to regroup.  All is well, and I am at peace....but, I don't think this is exactly what the song was about...at least I don't recall so.  Actually, I think the person in the song was having a not-so-decent day...a day like yesterday....

...Yesterday was one of those gosh awful days when all of your plans go awry.  Murphey's Law was out patroling in full force.  At one point I wanted to throw up my hands and scream out "I surrender."  Hey, but we can't expect all of our days to go smoothly now, can we?  After all, if the sun shines every day, nothing will grow and everything will die from lack of water....Such is the same with us...If everything went smoothly, day after day, how would we grow?  There would be no lessons for us to learn.  


"Just as silver linings can be found on dark clouds, rays of hope can be found when one is facing hardships."--M.K.Soni

Adversities are a part of living; nothing ever moves smoothly day after day, but nothing is all bad either.  No matter how bad it is, there is always the possibility of something good coming out of it. It is what we do with the situation that defines it. Take yesterday, for example not only did a pharmaceutical company come in to discuss their new medication, but they brought a great Mexican meal along with it. At first, I really didn't want to give up that hour of my workday because I was playing catchup, but I went and actually had an enjoyable time....And, you will not believe this.  That metrocard from last week, the one I lost?  I found it.  I must have taken it from my bag to get ready to leave work, and then it slid under the keyboard.  (I don't even remember taking it out of my bag, but that's another story all together.)   

These tough times that we all face teach us much about ourselves and bring us face to face with our sense of responsibility and how we deal with life's blows.  Initially we may want to bury our frustration, our pain, rather than experience the painful emotions.  But each adversity brings with it a lesson in life if we only take the time to look for it. This reminds me of the time when hubby and I were in the very early days of our relationship.  We'd had an argument, and to me, it was the end of the world.  I still was dealing with my self-esteem issues and was at a time in my life when I'd cry if someone even looked at me cross-eyed.  I was so sure at this point that our relationhip was about to end.  Then, a very wise person said, "People argue; it's a fact of life.  It doesn't mean that he is going to leave you.  It only means that you had a difference of opinion, and without those occasional differences of opinion, you have a relationship in trouble...for a couple cannot grow."

"If we never go through any valleys, how will we know when we have reached a mountain top?  How will we know if the mountain is even any good if all our lives we stay up on the mountain and never experience any valleys?  I know we would all like to avoid these 'valleys' at all costs, but the most growth for anything happens during adversity."--Kim Bloomer

Our bad days...events....circumstances...even people hold the seed of a blessing and a pathway to growth.  We may not see this as we are steering our way through our uncomfortability, but by moving through it, we have become wiser and have learned a valuable lesson. It is our responsibility to learn each lesson that comes before us, and the lessons we are meant to learn will continue to re-appear until we learn them.