Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Tuesday Ramble

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once one grows up.

Pablo Picasso

Good morning everyone.  Stayed in yesterday and found plenty to do.  I spent the morning doing some indoor gardening.  Transplanted all but my hanging plants.  I need new planters for them.  A peer in art class gave me a Chia herb garden she had received as a gift, but cannot use because she doesn't have large enough window sills. However, after reading the instructions, I felt it was still too cool to plant them.  Personally, I've never purchased any Chia products so I am not sure what to expect.

Anybody ever try these.  Awesome, and only two Weight Watcher points.

I had joined a Facebook group for those who have lost their feline friends, and at first I loved it.  And for awhile, it was just what I needed.  A place to express my grief where everyone understood what I was going through. But, yesterday I realized it was holding me back from moving past my grief.  I found myself becoming enmeshed in everyone else's grief.  They would post about their cats death with a picture of their beloved fur baby, and I'd find myself sobbing, and soon the overwhelming grief over the loss of Miss Minga would return.  When I woke up yesterday and checked Facebook and ended up beginning my day in tears, I knew I had to leave the group.  There was no way I was going to be able to stay and offer support to anyone as I was too fragile myself.

It's not that I want to forget her.  I will never do that.  But I want to come to that place where I can remember and focus of the joys that she brought me and not stay mired in this dark pit I seem to have fallen in.  To do that I cannot be looking at photos of people holding their beloveds in the last few moments of their life.  Personally, I don't think photos like that should be put out there for all to see, and if one chooses to have a photo of that time, that is their 'personal' choice, but it wasn't mine.   I play that picture in my mind over and over again.  I don't need a photo to remind me. 

Practiced painting yesterday.  Wanted to do something for spring.  I sure do have a lot to learn when it comes to painting flowers.  Looks like a school kid did this one.  LOL!!!!  I think I do best when I keep it simple, but I've been unable to do that.  I always keep adding more and more.  I'm waiting on a book from Amazon about drawing and painting flowers.  This was just a practice run.  Don't think I'll be hanging this on my wall.

Speaking of art, that's where I am headed today so I'd best get a move on.  Time to shower and have a bite to eat before I go.  Hoping you all have a good one.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Monday Morning This and That.

Life is meant to be fun, and fun is a sure antidote to disappointment.  A million things have brought me joy, or laughter, or most important, the experience of beauty.  Read.  Plant a potato, and discover a treasure chest of new ones when you dig them.  Walk down a northern path in the springtime, and try to count the dogwood blossoms and the trilliums.  Read Shakespeare.  Discover love.  Then look up at the stars and reach for them.

Richard Cutler

Good morning everyone.  Thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday last week.  It meant a lot to me knowing that someone cares.  I've been having quite a hard time dealing with the loss of Miss Minga. I cry all the time.  Missing her so much.  She was my anchor, my boss, and I'm finding it hard to cope with being in my home without her.  
Last week I saw the endocrinologist and the good news is that it has been five months without medication, and my thyroid levels still remain normal.  She wants to me to go for a sonogram, though, before our next visit because it is slightly enlarged.  It seems as if one grows older there is always something.

I have finally finished going to the old center.  I went once last week to pick up my Avon and will go no more.  Spring is coming, and soon there will be lots to do.  Why spend time at a place where I am no longer happy?  Clients there refuse to grow.  (Seems strange calling myself a client after all my years of counseling).  They are set in their ways and don't want to learn.  They cannot understand 'why' I need a computer or a smart phone.   Not a good space for a lifelong learner like me.   I am not content to sit and play bingo and cards all day.  I want something to keep my mind active....which is why....

....I am hoping to go back to school for the summer semester.  The local college has a grant where seniors can pay an $80 registration fee and take college courses.  I could even get another degree if I want...which is wait and see on my part.  I would like to take up health and nutrition, something far different from the career I had chosen and something dear to my heart.  

I also plan to get out to Coney Island more than once like last year.  As I continue to lose weight the pain from walking is lessening, and I am able to get about a lot more.  On Friday I walked 16 blocks.  That's a biggie for me.  Not too long ago I couldn't go more than a block without losing my breath or stopping to lean on my cane in an attempt to relieve the pain.  What a difference 32 pounds makes.  And I can just imagine how good it will be when I lose the next 32.  

Well, that's about it for now.  Nothing major over the weekend.  Stayed in Saturday and did quite a bit of cleaning.  Wrote some letters and addressed some cards for the card group I am in.  On Sunday went to church and came home to prepare for the week to come.   It's a shame that for another year there was a visual police presence guarding the church.  What has the world come to?

Have a great day.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Wednesday Quote

As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began
to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don't try to stand up
straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and
be blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting
go. Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand
up strong and straight are the ones that break. Now is not the
time for you to be strong, Julia, or you, too, will break.

Julia Butterfly Hill

Monday, March 23, 2015

Monday Morning This and That

 Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.

Jean Paul Richter

Good morning everyone.  How about that snow on Friday?  Winter just isn't going lightly this year.  The news said there is a possibility of another storm come Friday, but hopefully that won't be snow.  Nonetheless, I started my spring cleaning on Saturday.  Worked my butt off.  Started packing away some winter I know I won't be using again this year and dug out some spring.  Cleaned out closets and drawers.  Washed all my knickknacks, dusted, put new doilies on, swept and mopped, etc.  There was no resting for the weary.  

Today is my birthday. Time is flying far too fast for me.  Can't keep up with it. Can't believe I am 68 years old today, or I will be at 12:06 pm, and guess what?  I've got an appointment with the endocrinologist in the morning.  Now I wish I had changed it when I had a chance. Thank goodness it's not an every week thing.  It's quite a long journey to get there. Takes about an hour and two buses.  So that will be two hours of traveling today.  What a way to spend one's birthday.

I've been practicing working with watercolor and my first attempt at real art is a portrait of my sweet baby girl, Miss Minga.  I swear, I miss her more and more each day.  Little memories come up, and before I know it, the tears are flowing.  This portrait was one of my ways to honor my little angel.  Once I get into acrylics, I'll do another painting.  I see here where I made my mistakes and won't make them again.

Well, that's about it for this weekend.  Aside from all my housework, it was a quiet one.  Have a wonderful Monday. 

Friday, March 20, 2015

Friday Roundup

 And the Spring arose on the garden fair;
Like the Spirit of Love felt everywhere;
And each flower and herb on Earth's dark breast
Rose from the dreams of its wintry rest.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

Good morning, everyone.  Spring arrives at 6:45 pm EDT, and it is coming in style with a total solar eclipse and a supermoon, but  because the moon is new rather than full,  it won’t be seen. However, it will be passubg us closer than ever, and its shadow WILL be visible as it blocks out the sun on Friday morning.  But with today's forecast of clouds and snow, I wonder if we will even see that. Winter is not letting go easily. 

Went to Weight Watchers yesterday and lost another 1.6 pounds.  Felt good about that one.  I'd reached a plateau where I stayed the same for two weeks, then last week lost .2 pounds.  I was tempted to write 'only' .2 pounds but they tell us that any loss is something to be proud of, and we should never say 'only'.  

Got two new plants yesterday.  

This is my Dwarf Laurentii Snake Plant (Sanseveria).  They say it is impossible to kill.  I sure do hope they are right.  I have been known to kill a cactus.  

This is my Peace Lily Plant, another hard to kill plant.  Can't wait to see it flower.

I have to share this one with you.  The other day I went to the old center.  They were having meatball and ziti for lunch, and I can never turn Italian food down.  Well, I ran into an old friend there who I hadn't seen in a few months.  A cat lover, she was well aware that I had an elderly cat and spent a lot of time talking about how much she had adored her cats before they passed.  So, one expects this person to be understanding.

So, when I shared that my Miss Minga had passed, I began to fight back the tears.  She put her arm around me in comfort, telling me how sorry she was for my loss.  But then, out of the blue, she comes out with the following, "I know you are hurting, but just think about all the money you are going to save now.  No more cat food, no more litter, no more vet bills.  And now, you don't have to run home after lunch anymore.  You can stay out any time you want."  I have to believe she meant well, but it sure came out as cruel, and personally, I don't think I want to talk to her anymore. 

Well, that's about it for this week.  Planning a quiet weekend.  Not sure if I am going out at all today, but I definitely am staying in tomorrow.  Saturday is my day of rest.  Have a wonderful weekend, and I'll see you all on Monday.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Wednesday Quote

Whether you know it or not, one of the most important relationships in
your life is with your Soul. Will you be kind and loving to your Soul,
or will you be harsh and difficult? Many of us unknowingly damage
our Souls with our negative attitudes and actions or by simple neglect.
By making the relationship with your Soul an important part of your
life, however, by honoring it in your daily routine, you give your life
greater meaning and substance. Use your experiences--all of
them--as opportunities to nourish your Soul!

Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross

Monday, March 16, 2015

Happy St. Patty's Day

St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time - a day to begin transforming winter's dreams into summer's magic. 
Adrienne Cook

Good morning, everyone.  It's a rainy day out there, warm and wet.  Too bad for the parade. At least for this morning it is.  Going to art class anyway.  I'm hoping the instructor is there.  Lately he has been missing a lot.  Very disappointing, especially when I was really starting to learn. Was searching my closet last night and can't believe I have nothing in green.  Oh well.  At least I know enough not to wear orange.  Did that on my job years ago, and I thought they were going to run me out of the place.  LOL!!!

Yesterday I went to the old center.  Wouldn't you know it?  I chose the wrong day.  None of my friends were there.  Played a few games of bingo, had lunch, and then came home.  The nurse was scheduled for her monthly visit at 3pm, and I wanted to have dinner done by then so I wasn't in the middle of cooking.  But I got home to find her card in my door.  Seems they bumped up my appointment time to sometime in the morning....and no one told me.  

In fact, this is the second time they've done this to me, and I am a bit annoyed.  Last month they called me at 7 pm and informed me that the nurse was coming at 9 am the next morning.  I told them they couldn't do that.  I already had plans.  I didn't like the man who called hinting that my refusal could interfere with my insurance coverage, ..."You must understand", he kept repeating, "this is about your insurance."  I already knew from my original nurse that I totally had the right to refuse.  And now this.  I've been seeing the nurse once a month for almost a year now.  My appointment has always been in the afternoon because of my morning activities.  Now it seems that someone else in my building has the same health plan, and they want morning visits, so I get moved up for convenience?  I don't think so.  Aren't I the one with seniority?

Speaking of the old center.  Yesterday the director came in and got on the microphone raving about all they have planned for St. Patrick's Day.  I thought, maybe since the instructor has been taking off so much, maybe I should attend.  And then I heard the menu.  Pork chops and cabbage.  Sorry, I love both, but not as a St. Patty's Day meal.   I want the real thing.  I won't be cooking it.  Hubby doesn't like cabbage, and I priced the corned beef over the weekend.  Forget about it. 

A few weeks back I was invited to participate in a survey about my medical insurance.  I was to receive a $20 gift card for doing so.  Guess what?  I got the card yesterday.  Couldn't have come at a better time.  I am so totally broke. Where did all the money go this month?

Well, that's about it.  Have a good one.  I'll leave you with some of my favorite Irish quotes.

For each petal on the shamrock 
This brings a wish your way -
Good health, good luck, and happiness 
For today and every day. 

Author Unknown 

 For 'tis green, green, green, where the ruined towers are gray, 
And it's green, green, green, all the happy night and day; 
Green of leaf and green of sod, green of ivy on the wall, 
And the blessed Irish shamrock with the fairest green of all. 

Mary Elizabeth Blake 

May luck be our companion 
May friends stand by our side 
May history remind us all 
Of Ireland's faith and pride. 
May God bless us with happiness 
May love and faith abide.

Irish Blessing

Monday Morning This and That

Good morning, everyone.  Another Monday, another day closer to Spring.  Saturday was a complete washout, and I stayed in.  Caught up on my letters to penpals and did some sorting through Spring clothes. Afterwards spent time catching up on my reading.  Hubby went to visit his sister.  She is not doing so well, and I know it is time for me to let go of past irritations, but I fear putting myself into a position where I am shunned once again.  They all speak English very well, but speak Spanish to show me that I am excluded from the family.  Never did a thing to them; in fact, I'd bent over backwards to make them like me, but it didn't matter.  I am friends with one of his sisters they don't like, so that means they don't like me.

Do you believe in the Afterlife?  That the spirits of our loved ones and beloved pets remain with us after they pass on?  Take a look at the following photo. My friends from church were in awe.

My phone eats memory like crazy.  I had a little LG Motion and traded it in for an Optimus because the print was too small on the Motion.  I had asked the girl which was the better phone and she told me the Motion.  I didn't want to hear that.  No, I wanted something bigger, more modern, and nicer looking. Needless to say, I have very little memory in my new phone.  I do not have any games on it and have downloaded nothing but Facebook and Messenger. I do know they eat up memory, but not as bad as on this phone.  So, when I take pictures I have to upload them to my computer and delete on the phone right away.  I also have a sweeper on my phone that cleans it out and use it several times a day.

When I got to cleaning out my photo album I was surprised to see two strange photos that I hadn't taken. I deleted one of them, but just as I started to delete this one, I saw it.  Look to the right side.  There is the figure of a cat, and on closer look, I saw the black ears and half black, half red face.  At first I thought it was just wishful thinking on my part, but my son,  a few friends on Facebook, and even the cynic, my hubby saw it.  It brings tears of joy.  My baby has let me know that she is okay and still with me in another form.  They say they find ways to let us know and leave us signs.  (The original picture is much clearer.  Would not post here on Blogger.  Turned upside down every time so I had to post on FB and copy to here)

On Sunday morning I went to church and later made Salsa Segreta for dinner.  I am so in love with that sauce. Here is the recipe again...

One large can of plum tomatoes
2 cloves minced garlic
1 small onion, minced
1/8 tsp of crushed red pepper
olive oil
Italian seasonings*

Saute onions  in olive oil for about 3 minutes, then add garlic and saute another 3-4 minutes.  Add tomatoes, bring to boil, stirring until it starts to bubble, then turn down flame and simmer, stirring frequently.  I crush the tomatoes as I stir.  Add seasonings  and simmer about 30 more minutes. 

Have a good one.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Thursday Ramble

The air and the earth interpenetrated in the warm gusts of spring;
the soil was full of sunlight, and the sunlight full of red dust.
The air one breathed was saturated with earthy smells,
and the grass under foot had a reflection of blue sky in it.

Willa Cather  

Good morning, everyone.  Spring fever has hit.  The temperature is warm and comfortable. Ordered my spring candles, and now I cannot wait to light them.  They smell so good.

I tried to order them from Yankee Candles, but for some reason they kept giving me a problem with my Pay Pal account, Yankee Candle that is.  For two days I tried and couldn't get it to work so I called them and informed them if an order should come through, cancel it.   Then, something told me to look on EBay.  I have never shopped there....and lo and behold, I found the above set of spring scented candles, two more than I was getting directly from Yankee Candle and $8 cheaper.  See?  Everything happens for a reason.

This is the little fairy garden I ordered in honor of Miss Minga.  It's actually quite small.  The little plant is an air plant.  Never had one of these, but it looks fairly easy to care for. 

Why is it that it is so easy for people to vehemently deny that they made a mistake before they even before they hear you out?  Last Wednesday I went to Pathmark to pick up my prescription and while there I went to the service desk to purchase a $50 Amazon gift card.  (I always keep some money in my Amazon account for gifts and books I might want to purchase.)
Well, the $50 gift cards were up high and just below them were the $25 cards.  The woman working behind the counter was short so I told her to give me two $25's so she didn't have to struggle to reach them.  

So, to make a long store short she grabbed three cards instead of two.  She validates two of the cards before she realizes she has three,  so she puts one aside.  I get home and try to add them onto my account and discover one doesn't work.  Sure enough, I check my receipt and find she has given me the unvalidated card.  I immediately called the store and spoke to the manager, who found the card I should have received, explaining that I couldn't get back there until Monday.  He assured me that was okay.  He would hang the card off to the side for me.

Monday comes around, and I return to Pathmark.  Before I can even get the words out she grabs the card and says "I wouldn't do something like that.  This isn't the card I gave you."  In my book, she is calling me dishonest. I kept trying to explain what had happened but she just kept repeating herself and then said, "I have to talk to my boss" (not the manager I spoke to) and walked off into the back room, closing the door behind her.  

It was then that I saw it, one Amazon card hanging off to the side, and I knew that was the one the manager had put there.  So, when she came out of the room and went to hand me that bad card, "I'm sorry.  We can't do anything about this.  This wasn't the card I gave you," I pointed and said, "Yes, this IS the card you gave me.  The one you were SUPPOSED to give me is hanging right over there."  She took the card down, and with my receipt in hand, took it back to her boss.

Not even two minutes later they both came out all apologies and handed me the correct card.  I accepted their apology but it was really too little, too late.  Will not utilize their store for gift cards again.

Thanks for listening.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Wednesday Quote

Dear God, we give thanks for places of simplicity and peace. Let us find such a place within ourselves. We give thanks for places of refuge and beauty. Let us find such a place within ourselves. We give thanks for places of nature's truth and freedom, of joy, inspiration and renewal, places where all creatures may find acceptance and belonging. Let us search for these places: in the world, in ourselves and in others. Let us restore them. Let us strengthen and protect them and let us create them.

May we mend this outer world according to the truth of our inner life and may our souls be shaped and nourished by nature's eternal wisdom. Amen.


Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Tuesday Ramble

Lord of the springtime, Father of flower, field and fruit, smile on us in these earnest days when the work is heavy and the toil wearisome; lift up our hearts, O God, to the things worthwhile--sunshine and night, the dripping rain, the song of the birds, books and music, and the voices of our friends. Lift up our hearts to these this night and grant us Thy peace. Amen.

W.E.B. DuBois

Good morning everyone.  What beautiful weather we are having.  I do believe we have seen the last of the snow, but don't quote me on it.  One never really knows what Mother Nature has in store for us. Spring fever has touched me.  Started getting out spring blouses, ordered new curtains, planning for some new plants for my window garden.  Trying my best to cheer myself.  But.it's not easy.  I keep hoping that I will awaken from this nightmare.  And the guilt with it's 'maybe if's' has set in.  Realistically I know I did what was right for her, but my heart tells me differently.  I'm sure each of us who has had to make this decision about a beloved pet has gone through this.

This past weekend I dug out my crystals and cleansed them with White Sage.  I'm going to start working with them again.  Have lots to learn for sure, but I joined a great Facebook group that is so helpful and willing to help a newcomer.  I do know that amethyst under your pillow will help you to recall your dreams, and lately that's something I have not been able to do.  And I have been hoping that Miss Minga will come to me in my dreams, but if I don't remember, what good is it?

So, I began sleeping with my amethyst under my pillow, and lo and behold, I had a dream unlike any other dream I have had.  Miss Minga was not a part of it, or perhaps she was, I don't know.  You see, I dreamed about orbs; namely, a blue orb and a white orb.  Oddly, I seemed to know the orbs.  The first part of the dream was about the blue orb, and I got the feeling that wasn't ending well.  The orb and I were standing in a small pen, and the people around us were building a wooden wall around us so there was no way out.  But, I recall that I wasn't afraid at all.  

The white orb appeared in the second part of the dream.  Although I know the outcome of the dream was a happy one, I didn't write it down quick enough to recall the specifics.  Still trying to find the significance of the orbs.  Some say Angels, others say a spirit is trying to reach out to you. Last night no dreams to remember.  My best time to dream is after 4 am, and it was just about that time that hubby began his tossing and turning.  No more sleep for me. 

I have seen one Angel for sure, the Angel who saved me when I was having an extremely bad episode with my sleep apnea.  I know I told this a long time ago, but briefly for those who don't know, I used to suffer from this disorder.  One night I awoke and it was so bad I thought I was dying.  It was then that I saw a beautiful iridescent figure dressed in white standing in my bedroom door.  And, as my breath began to come back, she faded away and I never had another attack.

Another episode that I recall was when I was in my early teens.  I was very sick, running a high temperature.  During the night a woman appeared at my bedside and said she was there to help me.  She asked if I needed anything, and I asked for some water.  She left and came back in a few minutes with a glass of water.  I took a few sips and set the glass on the window sill.  She told me she had to go, but she would watch over me and be there if I needed her.  Never saw her again after that night, and no one believed me.  They all said I had to have been delirious.  But, there sat the glass of water on my window sill.

Thanks for listening today.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Monday Morning This and That

When you give away some of the light from the candle,
by lighting another person's candle there isn't less light
because you've given some away--there's more.
That works with love, too.

Good morning.  It's warmed up outdoors, and spring is on the horizon.  Slowly, oh so slowly, I  am trying to get my life back on track.  Such a tremendous loss for me.  To put things in perspective, I do try to get out and socialize, but even so, I have no real close friends.  Yes, I do have a few special online friends who I love and feel I've known all of my life, but there is no one who I can meet to have a cup of coffee or go shopping together.  No best friend.  Miss Minga filled that role in my life.  She was my pet, my best buddy, my little baby and trying to deal with this loss has taken a toll on me. Little things just set me off.

Like Saturday, it was the first time I went food shopping since her passing, and there is no way to avoid the cat food aisle.  It's the same aisle that sells cleaning supplies and garbage bags.  The first thing I noticed was the cat litter.  I've had a running battle with management for almost two years about the cat litter.  They keep 15 and 20 pound boxes on the highest shelf.  So dangerous.  The manager tells you to find one of the guys to help but there are only about three in the store and sometimes you can't find them.  One time I got tired of running up and down the aisles looking for someone so I tried it myself and a 15 pound box landed on my head.  And still the manager did nothing....until this week.  The first thing I noticed was that the boxes had been moved to the lowest shelf.  

And then the stock clerk gave me a big smile.  "See, I have it all  ready for you today." and he pointed to the Friskies chicken and beef classic.  That was Miss Minga's favorite food, and she had to have it EVERY morning for breakfast.  Whenever there was none on the shelf I insisted they go to the basement and bring some up.  They all knew Miss Minga in the store....all the girls at the register, the delivery man.  The first thing they noticed was that I didn't buy any cat litter and before they could ask, I told them she had passed.  And that was all it took for the tears to start flowing. 

We had a wonderful memorial for Miss Minga.  We lit candles, each said a prayer,  and I recited the following poem.

And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever.

Author Unknown

There were plenty of tears. Afterwards,  we sat down to a meal of lemon garlic chicken, spaghetti with garlic and oil, and roasted broccoli with Parmesan cheese.  The rest of the evening was spent with each of us adding our fondest memories to her book.  I can only hope that she was there to see how much she was loved.

Hubby is so special.  Gosh how I love that man.  On Friday we were watching some television together in the living room and I was feeling down.  He said something to me, and when I turned, he saw the tears in my eyes.  I saw the pained look on his face.  I know he is worried about me because he knows I can fall into depression.  

On Saturday, it was he who brought tears to my eyes, tears of joy.  He went out and came home with this gift for me.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Friday Roundup

The best and most beautiful things in
the world cannot be seen or even touched.
They must be felt with the heart.

Helen Keller

Happy Friday.  We made it through another week.  We had three storms this past week.  Hoping yesterday was the last of the snow for this year.  It's cold out there today, and probably much of it has turned to ice, so even though I'd planned to do my food shopping, I'd best put it off for tomorrow.  We have food in the house so we are not going to starve, and it's just not about me getting back and forth, but also the poor delivery guide.  It's hard enough pushing that cart all the way to my house let alone doing it on a snowy sidewalk.  By tomorrow it should be a little more clear.  

Oh Spring, where are you?

Yes, I did venture out in the midst of that storm yesterday.  Headed to my WW meeting, went to the post office, Rite Aid, and C Town.  I've gotten hooked on Skinny Cow treats.  They are out of this world.  Time was I would have stayed in, but now I find I have to get out, no matter what, and be around people.  My WW group leader lost her kitty a week before mine so we are good support from each other.  

My block

I just sent for a wonderful little air plant and a small fairy to hang in my window in honor of Miss Minga. It's still hard being here without her.  It especially hurts when I come home, and she doesn't come running to greet me.  That's when the tears begin to flow.  I talk to her all the time like she is still here, and I hope that her spirit still is and that she can hear me.  She was my life, and since retirement I have been totally devoted to her. 

So, tomorrow night we will hopefully have our family memorial.  This is something we all need to do for closure...if there is even such a thing.  I'm cooking a simple meal--lemon garlic chicken, pasta with garlic and oil, and roasted broccoli with garlic and parmesan cheese.  This is my baby's night, a celebration of her life.  

I've much to keep me busy today.  Lots of letters to write.  It's kind of fun getting all of this mail, but who expected 16 penpals.  Every day my box is filled with letters and cards.  Reminds me of the old days when snail mail was the way everyone communicated. 

Well, guess that's about it.  It's off to the shower and then a bit of breakfast.  Have a wonderful weekend.  See you all on Monday.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

So Many Changes

Just when summer gets perfect—fresh nights, soft sun, casual breezes,
crushingly full and quietly cooling trees, empty beaches, and free
weekends—it ends. Life is like that too. Just when we get it right, it
starts to change. The job gets easy and we know just how to do it, and
they tell us we’re retired. The children grow up and get reasonable
and they leave home, just when it’s nice to have them around . . . . That’s
life on the edge of autumn. And that’s beautiful—if we have the humility for it.

Joan Chittiste

Have been spending a lot of time going through old photos.  Looking for pictures of Miss Minga.  Remembering time of old when she was young and carefree.  And as I came across photos of me, I realized there was a time that I was young and carefree as well.  Many a time I said to Miss Minga, "You and I have grown old together." The Autumn of our lives had arrived; for her, sadly,  it her was Winter. 

So many changes.  We both got a little stiff in our limbs and getting up was getting harder to harder.  The gray roots began to show on my tinted hair; her whiskers made a downward turn.  Neither of us walked as fast as we once did and not as far without a rest.  Yes, change does happen.  Summer ends, Autumn begins, and life continues to go on.  And now, I prepare to enter my Winter without my best friend.

These pictures show some of the changes I went through as the years passed me by.  Hair color, style, weight.  Wow, so many changes.

 This was me with  my boys and one of their friends. .  Wow.  This was almost 30 years ago. I was still with my ex at the time

Was this really me?  Ah, youth. This was 1992.  Hubby and I had been together for a year, and Miss Minga had just joined our family. Didn't realize when we took this picture the parrot was over my head.  The parrot still hangs in my living room.


This was taken in 1995 when we moved into our old apartment.  The coat is not real, but I remember how glamorous I felt.


With hubby and his mom in 2006.  I was a redhead back then.  

 My birthday in 2008.

With my boys 2013.

About a month ago.  I'm thinner now.

 Four Seasons fill the measure of the year;
There are four seasons in the mind of man:
He has his lusty Spring, when fancy clear
Takes in all beauty with an easy span:
He has his Summer, when luxuriously
Spring's honied cud of youthful thought he loves
To ruminate, and by such dreaming high
Is nearest unto heaven: quiet coves
His soul has in its Autumn, when his wings
He furleth close; contented so to look
On mists in idleness—to let fair things
Pass by unheeded as a threshold brook.
He has his Winter too of pale misfeature,
Or else he would forego his mortal nature.
John Keats

Wednesday Quote

As we climbed up the mountain and came to where I thought
the horizon would be, it had disappeared--another horizon was
waiting further on. I was disappointed, but also excited in an
unfamiliar way. Each new level had revealed a new world.
Against this perspective, death can be understood as the final horizon.
Beyond there, the deepest well of your identity awaits you. In that
well, you will behold the beauty and light of your eternal face.

John O'Donohue

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Tuesday Ramble

As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began
to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don't try to stand up
straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and
be blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting
go. Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand
up strong and straight are the ones that break. Now is not the
time for you to be strong, Julia, or you, too, will break.

Julia Butterfly Hill

 Helping me with the Christmas decorations.

Tonight will be one week since my beloved little angel passed, and it still hurts so bad.  It is an emotional pain and loss that I don't ever remember feeling.  I've had many pets in my nearly 68 years but the bond between me and Miss Minga is something else.  I'm totally lost without her. Mornings are intolerable.   I still find myself waiting for her to come to greet me when I enter the room.  Yesterday I was at the computer, and as I turned to the right to get up from my chair and head for the bathroom, I found myself stepping over a pillow that is no longer there.  I put it there so she wouldn't have to lie on the wood floor when she lay next to me.  

Staying home has not been helpful in my efforts to heal.  but the weather hasn't been conducive.  I did get out to church on Sunday, but before I even got home the snow was beginning to fall.  Yesterday it had stopped, but the slush on the sidewalks made it too slippery to think about going anyplace.  Today I plan on going to art class.  Getting out and around others is what I need.

I participated in the Petloss.com candle ceremony last night.  The healing energy that stems from hundreds of people from around the world lighting candles and saying prayers at the same time is amazing. Tonight my sons will finally be able to get here for our private memorial and dinner.

I am considering other ways of honoring my baby girl such as volunteering at a shelter, donating to a shelter, and adding a plant to my window garden.  Any suggestions would be appreciated.  I HAVE to do something.  I can't just sit here and do nothing.

Well, friends, that's about it for today. Sorry for the sad posts.  It helps me to write about what I am feeling.  Please don't get bored with me.

Have a good one.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Monday Morning This and That

"If there is a heaven, it's certain our animals are to be there. Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them." 

Pam Brown 

Miss Minga as a baby.  Sure wish I could have gotten it clearer.

Good morning, everyone.  It's nasty out there so I'll be staying home today.  The storm started yesterday afternoon, a huge disappointment for me.  My sons were coming for dinner last night, and we'd planned to hold a memorial ceremony for my beloved little girl, but I told them we'll set it for another time.  No sense exposing them to the dangerous conditions.  Good heavens, it's already March, and still the storms continue.  But at least we're due to go up to 50 on Wednesday, and all this mess will melt.  They say this is the third coldest winter on record for NYC. 
I  have order a beautiful memorial card for my little girl.  When it arrives I will be sure to show it to you.  My grief has reminded me of the ocean's waves.  One moment am fine, the next I am sobbing and calling out for my girl. I don't know what to do with myself.  The other day, I went to fix lunch and I waited for her to call out to me not to forget hers.  It's the little things like this that break me down.

Everything reminds me of my little girl.   As soon as I heard about this storm on Saturday I began thinking how worried I'd get that something might happen to her during the storm, and we wouldn't be able to get her to the vet.  That always caused me such  a great deal of stress.  Now, I just don't care.

I am driving myself crazy.  I find myself gazing at all the places I had set up her little beds (she always had to be near me), at the empty space where her litter box and cat litter stood, at the empty cupboard where I kept her food, etc. hoping that this nightmare would be over, and she still would be there, but it is not a nightmare.  It is 'real' life, and I know I have to pull myself together before I sink any deeper into depression.

I've been looking towards Spring with a new sense of hope.   I picture the first budding of the trees. the Spring flowers as they push their way through the earth, the joyful tunes of the song birds.  As a time for new beginnings, I am hoping that my happiness with life will return.  Granted, my life is forever changed, and she will NEVER be forgotten, but I do hope that one day I will be able to let go and honor her by living my life as I know she would want me to.

Thanks for letting me share.

 “Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart, and bids it break.”
William Shakespeare